DEAR ABBY: We're a military family and have moved often since my husband and I married. In the past, relocating was always easy because our two sons were younger, but we have lived in the same community for more than five years now. Our older son is 14 and a freshman in high school.

My husband has reached a point in his career where he can either retire from the military or re-enlist to finish out his 30 years. Either way, it will probably require another move. Our 11-year-old son is a free spirit who seems to adjust wherever we are. The problem is, our teenager is begging us not to move because of the friends he has in school.

I'm torn. I understand my son's reasons, and people who had to move as teens agree it's difficult when they're in high school. We live in a very small town, and I'm sure the move will take us to a larger area. I know my son will see he'll have more to do and will make a lot more friends. But he doesn't want to leave and is becoming very emotional about it.

My husband is willing to leave without us, get settled and let our son finish high school here. I don't want to separate the family. Can you help us? -- NOT "AT EASE" IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOT AT EASE: Do not separate your family. If this were your son's last year of high school, I might feel differently. However, there is still plenty of time for him to make new friends at a new high school. Because he doesn't want to lose his old ones, he can stay in touch with them electronically.

What your son is experiencing is one of the realities of military life, and it may teach him to become more adept at social relationships. So think positive and do not let his fear of change hold you back.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve and it's an aggravation I encounter frequently. For some reason, people do not understand hours of business. Our hours are always clearly posted, so please don't knock on the door before the business is open.

My personal irritant has to do with closing time. When the sign says we close at 9 p.m., it means the doors lock at that time. It does not mean that if you can slide in the door 30 seconds before closing that we must stay and serve your needs for however long you are present.

If you can't complete your business at or before closing time, then come back tomorrow or find a business that stays open later. There are still a lot of duties to be finished after the last customer leaves and before we can go home. -- HAD A LONG DAY, RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR HAD A LONG DAY: Not only was it a long day, it appears to have been a bad one. If it wasn't, you wouldn't have forgotten that the most important thing in running a business is customer service. This sometimes can mean bending the rules.

If you find this too difficult, you can always refuse to open your door early and "remind" anyone who enters just before closing that you lock your door promptly at the posted hour for the reason you stated. Individuals who want more personalized service are, indeed, free to shop at stores with more flexible hours. (And they will.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was 12, my family moved to New Jersey. It was a difficult time in my life. Lucky for me, I made a best friend across the street, "Janie." We spent all our time together. I loved being at her house because it was a happy one, unlike my own home. (My mom was erratic and unhappy, and it affected our whole family.)

A year later, Janie learned her family would be moving to Ohio. I was devastated. The day the moving truck came, Janie and I were inseparable. The driver was a young man in his 20s named Randy.

When Janie and her family left in their car, I sat on the curb outside my house sobbing. When the loading crew finished, Randy started the truck, then turned off the engine. He got out and came and sat beside me on the curb and told me how someday my pain would lessen.

He said I was a special person, and shared a little about his own family who was far away. Then he took a ring off his finger and said he wanted me to have it. It was a Marines ring his grandfather had given to him. He insisted I take it, gave me a hug and drove off.

When I went into my house and my mother saw the ring, she said, "What did you do to get that?" It made me feel dirty and I didn't understand why. So I sent the ring to Janie and asked her to please return it to Randy, which she did.

In the years that have followed, that man's generosity and compassion have stayed with me. It helped me to believe in myself when things in my family seemed dark. Since then, when I have seen people who were hurting, I have tried to do what Randy did -- make them feel better.

Sadly, I have never known how to find him to thank him. Randy: Wherever you are, please know how much of a difference your kindness made in my life. -- STILL GRATEFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR STILL GRATEFUL: You are living proof that what goes around comes around. One simple act of kindness made an impact on your life, but you have multiplied it many times over by continuing to pass it on.

DEAR ABBY: When setting someone up for a date, do you think it is important to share the person's race? My friends and I have no problem with interracial relationships, but other people, unfortunately, sometimes do. I would hate to put someone in a situation where a date rejected him/her or is rude because of race.

Our friend "Jena" set up a girlfriend, "Joan," who is Chinese, on a date with a white man. Joan knew what the man looked like and was fine with it, but when Jena showed the man a picture of Joan (who is gorgeous), he made an excuse and backed out. We hate to think what he may have said to Joan if he'd gone into the date "blind."

What do you think, Abby? We dislike prejudice, but we want to avoid hurting anyone in the future. -- COLORBLIND IN MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

DEAR COLORBLIND: When arranging a blind date, the usual practice is to give each party as much information about the other as possible. Because it's part of the "package" you're offering, race should be mentioned to prevent any surprises.

However, you may have drawn the wrong conclusion about the man in this case. Has it occurred to you that he may have backed out because Joan is so gorgeous that he was intimidated? Many beautiful women have complained about having this problem.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 20-year-old college student with a great job, life ambitions and parents who love me. They raised me to think for myself and follow my dreams.

I didn't date much in high school, but a few months ago I met a wonderful young man who is in the Army. Two things about this relationship are different: First, we met on the Internet, communicated online for several weeks, then took the next step to meet in person. The second is, "Jack" is 10 years older than I am and has a son from a previous marriage.

Jack is stationed not far from me. When I met him, I realized he was everything a woman could want. I did a background check and everything he told me is true. He supports me fully in pursuing my degree and my future career. But I'm afraid to introduce him to my parents because they're old-fashioned. They are leery about people meeting on the Internet. They also want me to meet a guy closer to my age.

The more Jack and I are together, the more I realize how much I love him. I want to introduce the man I love to my family. How do I proceed with this? I am scared that my parents won't accept Jack. How can I get them to accept my choice? -- DETERMINED IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR DETERMINED: Your relationship with Jack appears to be progressing at warp speed. If you want your parents to accept him, you must give them an opportunity to get to know him -- and the same applies to you because this romance is fresh.

As you communicate with your parents, start mentioning Jack. Tell them he is a member of the military and how you met. Meeting someone on the Internet these days is very common and nothing to be ashamed of.

The longer you continue keeping his existence a secret, the more concerned and disappointed your parents will be when you spring him on them. They will want to meet him and you should introduce him. After that, the selling job will be his. Keep your cool. You are your parents' little girl and always will be. But the decision of who you'll wind up with is your own to make, not theirs.

DEAR ABBY: Most people recognize chest pain as a symptom of heart attack, as well as pain or numbness in the arm or shortness of breath. But did you know that a feeling of "doom" or back pain could also be signs of a heart attack?

An article in our local paper reported that most people do not recognize other warning signs of a heart attack. They include: a sense of doom, back pain, sweating, nausea or vomiting, dizziness or lightheadedness, weakness, fatigue or malaise, and jaw or neck pain.

My mother, age 87, who had never had back trouble and hadn't strained her back muscles in any way, suddenly developed back pain that the usual over-the-counter pain pills couldn't stop. Two days later, the pain moved to her chest, and that's when we took her to the emergency room. We would have gotten her there two days sooner if anyone had told us that heart attack pain could begin in the back. Please, Abby, let your readers know these other symptoms. -- THANKFUL READER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR THANKFUL: Forewarned is forearmed. I'm printing your helpful letter for all to see. Thank you for wanting to alert others to the sometimes subtle warning signs of a heart attack. Your warning may have saved some lives today.