DEAR ABBY: My wife of six years was recently arrested for wire fraud, involving the receipt of unemployment benefits. She was receiving money when she should not have been. I knew she had applied for benefits since she was laid off; however, I was not aware that she was falsifying documents in order to receive the benefits.

I feel hurt, betrayed and offended. I am a retired law enforcement officer and currently an independent fraud investigator. Our relationship had been on the rocks for some time prior to this humiliating event. How do I handle this mess? -- BETRAYED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BETRAYED: The first thing to do is realize that your wife's indiscretions are a reflection only on her character, not yours. Then let the law take its course, and once you have cooled off, decide rationally if you want to continue a marriage that has been "on the rocks for some time."

DEAR ABBY: Before my daughter turned 18, she followed the court's visitation specifics, as her brother does. Now that she's 18, she doesn't call or come over at all. She won't answer phone calls, so I text her. She'll respond with one-word answers -- "yes," "no," "maybe."

It doesn't bother me that she chooses to live this way. She's an adult. I sent her money for her birthday. She didn't acknowledge it. If I text invitations to her, I still don't hear from her.

She doesn't go to college, doesn't drive, doesn't have a job and lives off her enabling mother. According to her brother, she plays video games all night and sleeps all day.

After her birthday silence, should I continue sending her money for occasions? The lack of respect makes me think not, but my love for her says I should. Is there a lesson to be taught, or do I continue dropping a check in the mail twice a year? The money is insignificant. Learning respect, I believe, is important. -- DAD IN BATTLE CREEK, MICH.

DEAR DAD: It doesn't bother you that your daughter chooses to live this way? That she doesn't work, doesn't go to school, plays video games all night and sleeps all day? Is she on drugs? Suffering from severe depression?

Your daughter's behavior is not normal. You have described a young woman in serious need of counseling to bring her back to reality. If you love your daughter, forget the etiquette lesson and help her to get the psychological help she needs.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 17, I was checked into a psychiatric hospital for severe depression and a suicide attempt. While I was there I met "Jim," a boy who was there for the same reasons. To make a long story short, we kept in touch and now we're dating. We benefitted from the experience and are good for each other.

The catch is that he lives more than an hour away from me. We see each other frequently, but friends often ask how we met and we don't know how to answer the question. Generally, we say something vague about how we have known each other for a long time, but some people continue to press. Neither of us wants to advertise that we spent time in a psych ward. How can we gracefully sidestep the question? -- DODGING THE QUESTION IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DODGING: It is difficult to sidestep a question that is asked so frequently in the course of conversation -- especially if a couple seems compatible. Because you would rather not be specific, just say you met in a teen counseling group a few years ago. It's the truth -- you were being counseled.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old single mom with three young boys. I am also a veteran and getting ready to go back to school. I have been dating a gentleman for two months now, and we get along great. He's three years older than I am and good with my kids and family.

I like him a lot and we seem to have a lot in common -- more than most. I really want him to kiss me, but I don't want to seem pushy. He's a real gentleman. We have gone from hugs to holding hands while sitting on the couch watching television. I don't mind taking things slow, but ...

How do I find out if he wants to kiss me or not? Sometimes it seems like it, but then he seems afraid to. How do I let him know it's OK? Sorry I seem like a teenager. -- CONFUSED IN IDAHO

DEAR CONFUSED: This man isn't taking things slow. Glaciers have been known to move faster. Two months is a very long time to wait for a first kiss.

The next time you find yourself sitting on the couch and holding hands with him, you have my permission to turn to him and say, "I'd love it if you kissed me." If that doesn't do the trick, then face it -- his feelings for you are only brotherly.

DEAR ABBY: You have written about children in grocery stores before. Would you please address the risk to children by allowing them to stand in grocery shopping carts? I see it all too often, and I don't think the parents/grandparents realize that if the child falls out and lands on his or her head, neck or back, the child could end up paralyzed or dead. The adult must be the rule setter and protect the child. But too often it's the child setting the limits, and the results can be tragic. -- CONCERNED SHOPPER IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONCERNED SHOPPER: I'm glad to oblige. Many markets equip their shopping carts with seat belts to secure tiny passengers and avoid this problem. That way, any liability that might stem from a child falling would lie directly where it belongs, with the adult who should have been using common sense.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest friend owes me a lot of money. I loaned it to her when she was being evicted. She has now come into some money and is going on a cruise.

I asked her to repay me before the trip. She said she "needs the cruise for her mental health." I am shocked and very angry. When I lost my temper and told her off, she accused me of being "greedy and money-obsessed."

Abby, I helped her when she needed it! What should I do? -- FURIOUS IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FURIOUS: When your "friend" returns from her sea cruise, see if you can get her to agree to a repayment plan for the sake of your mental -- and financial -- health. However, if she refuses, you may have to write off the loan as tuition in the school of experience. Your mistake was not getting the terms of the loan in writing.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons who will graduate from college on the same day. My wife and I would like to attend both ceremonies, but for obvious reasons, we cannot. How do I resolve this dilemma? -- FATHER IN TEXAS

DEAR FATHER: Divide and conquer. You attend one graduation and your wife the other. To decide which one, you and the Mrs. should draw straws.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Doug" (24), and I (22) have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, but we were friends for a couple of years before that. I had never had a serious relationship before and lacked experience. Doug has not only been in two other long-term relationships, but has had sex with more than 15 women. One of them is an amateur porn actress.

I knew about this, but it didn't bother me until recently. Doug had a party, and while he was drunk he told one of his buddies -- in front of me -- that he should watch a certain porn film starring his ex-girlfriend. It made me feel awkward. The next day he apologized.

Of course, having learned her name, I couldn't help myself from searching for her on the Internet. Now I can't stop comparing myself to her, and I feel intimidated and frustrated.

I have been struggling with how to get over it. Doug has told me many times that he loves me and I believe him. But those stupid, drunken comments really knocked me down. How do I get over my boyfriend's past? -- ECLIPSED BY A "STAR" IN NEW YORK

DEAR ECLIPSED: A giant step in the right direction would be to quit comparing yourself to a porn actress. In his addled condition, your immature boyfriend couldn't resist bragging to his buddies because he thought it would impress them with his prowess. If he had serious feelings about her, he would still be with her, not in a relationship with you.

That said, it would be in your best interest to find out if this woman really was a "girlfriend" or one of his one-night stands. If he is in a long-distance relationship with you and tends to be promiscuous, you should be more concerned about his judgment than how to get over his past.

DEAR ABBY: We have always purchased rather than leased our cars. One of them has 225,000 miles on the odometer and is running well. I have two friends who lease expensive foreign cars. Keeping the mileage down on their cars is important to them, especially when it comes time to return them at the end of the lease.

Because of this, I find myself driving more often than I should. One friend attends a weekly meeting with me, and we're supposed to take turns driving each other every other week. But somehow I end up at the wheel more often. I'd hate to start writing down our outings, but I'm beginning to feel used.

While I respect their decision to lease expensive new cars, it is not my responsibility to keep their expenses down. Both of these women are in a better financial position than I am, although we are all "comfortable."

Any ideas about how to approach this without seeming petty? It has been going on for a long while and is starting to bother me. -- DRIVEN TOO FAR IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DRIVEN TOO FAR: If you feel that you are being taken advantage of, then you probably are. I recommend you wean these ladies off your chauffeur services by being less available when they need a ride. And if you are asked why, remind them of your original agreement to share the driving duties 50-50.