DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old student who reads your column every day, and I hope you can help me.

I want to be closer to my parents. They yell at my siblings and me and call us names. It hurts me very much. If we make a mistake -- even a little one -- or forget our chores, we can expect to be insulted, yelled at, etc. I have learned to tune them out, but I don't understand how such intelligent people like my parents can act this way.

Years ago, I decided to talk to them about it, but that was seen as an act of defiance. My parents, especially my father, can't take constructive criticism and respond with more yelling.

Each of our arguments leaves me upset for days. But I still believe I need to do something. I want to be close to them before it's too late, but I have lost so much respect and trust for them, and they probably feel the same.

Please, Abby, I don't know what to do. I would greatly appreciate your advice, although I know you are very busy. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. -- HOPEFUL IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOPEFUL: You have my sympathy. Harsh words can leave wounds that last longer than physical bruises. Some parents develop hair-trigger tempers when they are under financial pressure. Others, without realizing it, model their behavior on the way their parents raised them and overreact when their children make mistakes.

Because you haven't been able to get through to your father, talk to a trusted adult relative about the fact that you would like to be closer to your parents but don't know how. If they hear it from another adult, they might be more open to the message.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old mother of a 13-month-old daughter, "Lissa." I am a "by-the-book" mom. I'm still breastfeeding and I am strict about what I allow my daughter to eat. She has just barely started to eat table food.

I don't want my child to have bad eating habits, so I try to give her only healthy items at dinnertime. Her dad, on the other hand, thinks it's funny to give her junk, including sugar. When she was only 2 months old, I caught him giving her licorice. The other day, it was soda and ice cream. I don't agree with this, and it's causing us a lot of fights.

When we sit down to dinner, I have Lissa's meal set aside. But before I can sit down, her dad starts giving her things off his plate and then she won't eat her dinner. I have told him I don't like it, but he doesn't understand that I want to teach her good eating habits.

Am I wrong in trying so hard? Or should I just give up and let her eat junk? -- TRYING MY BEST IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRYING: Parenting is supposed to be a team sport and I'm more concerned about the fact that Lissa's dad is undercutting you than what's going into her mouth right now. If he continues, in another year or two, your little girl will regard him as a pushover and you as a big meanie.

You may need an impartial mediator to get through to Lissa's father, and the perfect person to do that is your child's pediatrician. Let the doctor tell Daddy that the more she is given sweets, the more she'll crave them.

The only thing about your approach that might be of concern to me is your calling yourself a "by-the-book" mother. A conscientious parent not only goes by the book and is consistent, but she also uses her head and listens to her heart. I hope you will remember that.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of six years was recently arrested for wire fraud, involving the receipt of unemployment benefits. She was receiving money when she should not have been. I knew she had applied for benefits since she was laid off; however, I was not aware that she was falsifying documents in order to receive the benefits.

I feel hurt, betrayed and offended. I am a retired law enforcement officer and currently an independent fraud investigator. Our relationship had been on the rocks for some time prior to this humiliating event. How do I handle this mess? -- BETRAYED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BETRAYED: The first thing to do is realize that your wife's indiscretions are a reflection only on her character, not yours. Then let the law take its course, and once you have cooled off, decide rationally if you want to continue a marriage that has been "on the rocks for some time."

DEAR ABBY: Before my daughter turned 18, she followed the court's visitation specifics, as her brother does. Now that she's 18, she doesn't call or come over at all. She won't answer phone calls, so I text her. She'll respond with one-word answers -- "yes," "no," "maybe."

It doesn't bother me that she chooses to live this way. She's an adult. I sent her money for her birthday. She didn't acknowledge it. If I text invitations to her, I still don't hear from her.

She doesn't go to college, doesn't drive, doesn't have a job and lives off her enabling mother. According to her brother, she plays video games all night and sleeps all day.

After her birthday silence, should I continue sending her money for occasions? The lack of respect makes me think not, but my love for her says I should. Is there a lesson to be taught, or do I continue dropping a check in the mail twice a year? The money is insignificant. Learning respect, I believe, is important. -- DAD IN BATTLE CREEK, MICH.

DEAR DAD: It doesn't bother you that your daughter chooses to live this way? That she doesn't work, doesn't go to school, plays video games all night and sleeps all day? Is she on drugs? Suffering from severe depression?

Your daughter's behavior is not normal. You have described a young woman in serious need of counseling to bring her back to reality. If you love your daughter, forget the etiquette lesson and help her to get the psychological help she needs.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 17, I was checked into a psychiatric hospital for severe depression and a suicide attempt. While I was there I met "Jim," a boy who was there for the same reasons. To make a long story short, we kept in touch and now we're dating. We benefitted from the experience and are good for each other.

The catch is that he lives more than an hour away from me. We see each other frequently, but friends often ask how we met and we don't know how to answer the question. Generally, we say something vague about how we have known each other for a long time, but some people continue to press. Neither of us wants to advertise that we spent time in a psych ward. How can we gracefully sidestep the question? -- DODGING THE QUESTION IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DODGING: It is difficult to sidestep a question that is asked so frequently in the course of conversation -- especially if a couple seems compatible. Because you would rather not be specific, just say you met in a teen counseling group a few years ago. It's the truth -- you were being counseled.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old single mom with three young boys. I am also a veteran and getting ready to go back to school. I have been dating a gentleman for two months now, and we get along great. He's three years older than I am and good with my kids and family.

I like him a lot and we seem to have a lot in common -- more than most. I really want him to kiss me, but I don't want to seem pushy. He's a real gentleman. We have gone from hugs to holding hands while sitting on the couch watching television. I don't mind taking things slow, but ...

How do I find out if he wants to kiss me or not? Sometimes it seems like it, but then he seems afraid to. How do I let him know it's OK? Sorry I seem like a teenager. -- CONFUSED IN IDAHO

DEAR CONFUSED: This man isn't taking things slow. Glaciers have been known to move faster. Two months is a very long time to wait for a first kiss.

The next time you find yourself sitting on the couch and holding hands with him, you have my permission to turn to him and say, "I'd love it if you kissed me." If that doesn't do the trick, then face it -- his feelings for you are only brotherly.

DEAR ABBY: You have written about children in grocery stores before. Would you please address the risk to children by allowing them to stand in grocery shopping carts? I see it all too often, and I don't think the parents/grandparents realize that if the child falls out and lands on his or her head, neck or back, the child could end up paralyzed or dead. The adult must be the rule setter and protect the child. But too often it's the child setting the limits, and the results can be tragic. -- CONCERNED SHOPPER IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONCERNED SHOPPER: I'm glad to oblige. Many markets equip their shopping carts with seat belts to secure tiny passengers and avoid this problem. That way, any liability that might stem from a child falling would lie directly where it belongs, with the adult who should have been using common sense.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest friend owes me a lot of money. I loaned it to her when she was being evicted. She has now come into some money and is going on a cruise.

I asked her to repay me before the trip. She said she "needs the cruise for her mental health." I am shocked and very angry. When I lost my temper and told her off, she accused me of being "greedy and money-obsessed."

Abby, I helped her when she needed it! What should I do? -- FURIOUS IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FURIOUS: When your "friend" returns from her sea cruise, see if you can get her to agree to a repayment plan for the sake of your mental -- and financial -- health. However, if she refuses, you may have to write off the loan as tuition in the school of experience. Your mistake was not getting the terms of the loan in writing.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons who will graduate from college on the same day. My wife and I would like to attend both ceremonies, but for obvious reasons, we cannot. How do I resolve this dilemma? -- FATHER IN TEXAS

DEAR FATHER: Divide and conquer. You attend one graduation and your wife the other. To decide which one, you and the Mrs. should draw straws.