DEAR ABBY: I met a man 15 years ago who has recently come back into my life. I hadn't seen him in years. He says he wants to be with me and marry me, and I very much would like to be his wife. I live in one state, he lives in another and his work is in yet another state. He does travel -- not much -- but some.

The problem is I think he's married to his job. He says he wants to be home with me once we are married. But then he says that once his work slows down, he won't earn as much.

I'm not sure how I can do this, with him working in one state and living in another. Sometimes I wonder if he's really in love with me or if he's stringing me along. How can I be with him if I never see him? If you have any advice for me, please let me know soon. -- HEARTS AWAITING

DEAR HEARTS AWAITING: If a "little voice" is telling you this man may be stringing you along, make no hasty decisions. It's important that you visit him at his home at least a few times, get to know his friends and family, if he has any, and see how you would fit in.

You also need to decide how you would spend your "alone" time while he's working. If you are an independent type, you'll be able to fill the time. But if you're not, then face the fact that as much as you care for him, you'd be miserable. So look carefully before you leap to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: I am an educated, open-minded, well-spoken, well-mannered single man. I enjoy life and smile just about every waking moment.

My problem is that people -- especially women -- think I'm gay. I assure you, I'm not! One woman recently lambasted me, saying her "gaydar" is never wrong, so I should just admit it to myself.

This issue has prohibited me from dating, especially over the last few years, because ladies see me as a peer instead of potential partner. Also, people tell others that I'm gay, so there are preconceived opinions.

Please don't think I am anti-gay. I have several gay male and female friends. I don't think my speech inflections or mannerisms make people assume this. I don't know what to do. Help! -- STRAIGHT, BUT NOT NARROW IN ALABAMA

DEAR STRAIGHT: Because there appears to be some confusion about your sexual orientation, I recommend you talk frankly with some of your female and male friends and ask what it is about you that has created this impression. Obviously there is something about the way you present yourself that's causing it, and the quickest way to find out what it is would be to ask direct questions of the people who know you best.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend, God rest her soul, had a saying I think everyone could benefit from:

"You are the master of the unspoken word. Once it is spoken, it is your master forever."

Comments, Abby? -- DISCREET MIDWESTERNER

DEAR DISCREET: Your dear friend was a smart woman. Too many times we say things that we wish we could take back. The same is true for the written word.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem. Basically, I don't like me. I am self-conscious about my weight, my face, my personality. I'm not pretty. I have heard so many times I should "just be myself" that I am sick of it! I don't want to be myself because I don't like myself.

All of my friends are either beautiful, witty, kind or whatever. And I am not, I guess. Please tell me what to do about it. -- COMING UP SHORT IN OREGON

DEAR COMING UP SHORT: I do have a few suggestions, and the first is to stop being your own worst enemy. The more you dwell on what you think you lack, the more you will amplify those things. Find one thing you like about yourself and build from there.

Because you're self-conscious about your weight, do something about it by adopting a healthy eating and exercise plan. While you may not be a cover girl, you can be well-groomed. More important than being "witty" is to be a good listener. Remember that, and people will think you are a great conversationalist.

The more you brood about yourself, the lonelier you will become. The more you think about helping others, the less time you will have to think about yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our mid-40s and have four beautiful daughters. A boy who dated one of them has become a family friend over the past few years.

"Brett" is a nice young man and has always been helpful with our family. The problem is, Brett texts and calls my wife on a daily basis. The conversation is benign, but I can tell he has a crush on her.

I have asked my wife to stop communicating with him so often, but she insists it's "just a friendship" and nothing is going on. My point is that there is something going on -- from his side -- even though she may not realize it.

We have gone round and round about this to the point of exhaustion. Should I let this go or continue to insist that their relationship be redefined? -- UNEASY IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNEASY: Looking from the outside in, I suspect that your wife is enjoying all the attention she's receiving from this young man. She's in her mid-40s and it has to be flattering. This is not to imply that the communications will lead to anything more. So step back, find your sense of humor and try to be less heavy-handed until this blows over. Because it will.

DEAR ABBY: My stepfather died recently. I found out when I saw his obituary in the newspaper. It described him as a "loving husband and father," and while I know that's a fairly generic epitaph, nothing about it is true. He was an alcoholic who had several affairs while married to my mother. He also abused me and my stepsiblings physically and sexually.

It's bad enough that he died without having to face the consequences of his actions, but it kills me to know that "loving husband and father" is how our community and history will remember him now that he's gone. Is there anything I can do to get some form of the truth out there? -- ANGRY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ANGRY: Yes, there is. Just keep talking and the word will get around.

DEAR READERS: To those of you living where daylight saving time is observed, I'm offering this gentle reminder: Turn your clocks forward one hour at bedtime tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow, and you know what that means -- spring is on the way!

DEAR ABBY: I am in a county jail for parole violation. I am an addict, which is why I'm in this not-so-welcoming environment. I accept full responsibility for being here because ultimately it was my actions that guaranteed me confinement in jail. I read your column every day and find hope within it.

I have been struck with some not-so-good news while here. On a recent visit with my parents I learned my mother, who suffers from a variety of health problems, can no longer work. My father, who must work to cover the cost of her medical care, has been diagnosed with liver cancer.

This is very difficult for me. My father is my absolute best friend. I have to be strong for my mother. I want to scream and cry and sometimes lash out, but my inner adult (I'm 26) tells me that would be immature.

I don't feel like I have come to terms with my father's illness. Although I know what is eventually to come, I have yet to feel any emotion, good or bad. I'm not sure if I'm blocking it or if I'm being the strong-willed adult I was raised to be by my father and best friend. I was never raised with the "men don't cry" or "be strong for your mother" concept. Am I repressing my emotions? And if so, is there anything I can do to start dealing with this? -- JUST ANOTHER INMATE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JUST: All people do not react to bad news in the same way -- crying, screaming or lashing out. Some go numb for a period of time, until they are ready to process their emotions. Part of your problem may be that because you're incarcerated, you feel helpless.

Not knowing whether psychological counseling is available for prisoners in your jail -- or how effective it is if it's offered at all -- I'm recommending you discuss this with a chaplain. It would be a safe way to air some of the emotions you are struggling with. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a "yours, mine and ours" family. Between us, my husband and I have six children. I have been "Mom" for his three children since the oldest was 6. Fifteen years have passed, and I raised all of them as my own. Because the stress of such a large family has taken its toll at times, I have said I couldn't wait until everyone was 18 and out of the house.

Three of the children are on their own now and three remain. The youngest is 14. I recently took my 18-year-old son to the Air Force recruiter to take his entrance test and as I watched him walk into the building, I started to cry. I realized I don't really want them to go away.

I have been a parent since I was 17, and now -- at 40 -- I'm having a hard time imagining life without them. I'm afraid of having only my husband to keep me occupied. There has never been a time without kids around. I'm afraid it'll be like starting our relationship all over again, and he may not like what he sees. How can I get past the fear of not being needed or wanted anymore? -- ALMOST EMPTY-NESTED IN VERMONT

DEAR ALMOST EMPTY-NESTED: Instead of allowing fear or anxiety to drag you down, look at the bright side. Your nest will be full for four more years -- and if there is something about yourself that you see that you don't like, there is plenty of time to do something about it.

You are more than "just" a mother. Because your responsibilities as a parent have lightened, use the time to broaden your horizons and develop some mutual interests with your husband that you couldn't before. Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics -- so be a little kinder to yourself and consider what I have said. It is heartfelt.