DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s, happily married and financially secure. My husband and I have been discussing having children. My problem is my sister has been trying to start a family for three years, to no avail because she has infertility issues.

These issues run in our family, and there is a 75 percent chance that I will have the same problem. Should I talk to my sister about my trying to get pregnant, or wait until I'm pregnant and break the news to her then? Since I may have the same problem she's having, I don't want to discuss something with her that may never happen. Any thoughts? -- DON'T WANT TO HURT HER

DEAR DON'T WANT TO HURT HER: "Springing" news that you are pregnant would be more of a jolt to her than hearing that you're trying. I see no reason to keep this a secret from your sister. Because problems conceiving run in your family, talking about it might be helpful to both of you. If you do become pregnant, she may want to consult your doctor. If it doesn't happen, the two of you can emotionally support each other.

DEAR ABBY: After 20 years of marriage, I am now again in the dating world -- and wow, have things ever changed! What happened to the days when men would open doors, kiss your cheek, or try to impress you by sending flowers, complimenting you and chasing you to go out with them? Nowadays, the guys expect me to impress them, call them first, etc.

What are your thoughts on this? I have been on numerous dates, and out of all of them only one man acted like an old-school gentleman. Unfortunately, he was only 30. I'm in my mid-40s.

I'm not super-rich, but I have a stable job, good benefits and two well-behaved boys. What's wrong with me? -- NEW TO THE DATING WORLD

DEAR NEW: Nothing is "wrong" with you. In fact, if men still chased you, complimented you and didn't expect to drag you to bed in the late '80s and early '90s, you were lucky! Old-fashioned romance started dying out in the late 1960s and early '70s. As women became more aggressive, men became more passive.

If you like the way the 30-year-old man treats you, please don't let the age difference get in the way. Grab him, because his kind is now a rarity.

DEAR ABBY: On Feb. 5 you referred to someone as a "controlling, slave-driving witch." A lot of people in the Wiccan community, practitioners of Wicca, use the term "witch" with positive connotations. There are several slur words that I heard growing up that I would never dream of using these days because of how society has changed. Please help to spread the word.

It took years of fighting the system, but we are now recognized by the VA and included on headstones with other religious symbols.

And by the way, in our religion, the word "warlock" is an insult that means "oath breaker." "Witch" is a gender-neutral name. -- PROUD MALE WITCH AND VETERAN

DEAR PROUD MALE WITCH AND VETERAN: I hope that you and other members of the Wiccan religion will forgive my lapse, which was made out of ignorance. I used the term "witch" as a substitute for the word I wanted to use because my editors told me that referring to a woman in that way is not acceptable in family newspapers.

DEAR ABBY: My 26-year-old daughter was married last year, but four months after the wedding her husband was arrested for child molestation that had occurred years before. She filed for divorce immediately.

In the meantime, she has met someone and is now pregnant. They want to be married as soon as her divorce is final. My question is, what kind of ceremony would be appropriate in this case, especially since her father and I are church pastors in a small town? -- SMALL-TOWN WEDDING

DEAR SMALL TOWN: If your daughter had written to me, I would have advised her not to rush into another marriage so quickly, and that if she hasn't already done so, she should seek some counseling because of what she has been through.

However, because she and the father of her baby are determined to tie the knot as soon as possible, their ceremony should be low-key, with a few close friends and family attending. The ceremony could be either a religious one or a civil one, depending upon their preference. I hope their union will be a happy and successful one.

DEAR ABBY: At what age should parents stop worrying about you? I am 41 years old, but in my parents' eyes I am still a child.

I am an independent woman and feel like I am not living the life I deserve, and I don't think it's fair. I do everything by myself, and I want them to know that if something happens to them, I'll be fine, and they should stop worrying. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- DEBORAH IN OHIO

DEAR DEBORAH: You are not wrong. However, your parents may be clinging to you not because they are worried about what will happen to you if something happens to them. They may be clingy because they are worried about what will happen to them if something happens to you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of eight years had an affair with an old girlfriend who is also married. I have spent the last nine months trying to forgive him, but he keeps breaking my heart because he can't seem to get over her.

First he was sending her emails, then trying to call her because he felt so guilty over the affair and "needed someone to talk to." Next, he went over to her house to see her. I know he loves me, but I know without a doubt he loves her, too. I'm expecting and due in the short-term, and I don't know how to heal.

The last time they talked -- about a month ago -- he told her she had ruined his life and he never wanted to see or think about her again. But I know he still searches her profile on Facebook every day and I know she blocked him, so he must be going nuts because he can't see her and her kids' pictures. I haven't confronted him about this yet, but feel I need to. Please help me. -- BROKENHEARTED IN BUFFALO

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The old girlfriend seems to be doing her part to end the affair. Whether your husband is "going nuts" because he can't see her on Facebook is his problem, so please don't make it yours.

Bide your time, have your baby, and then when you're strong enough, do confront him. Insist on marriage counseling for both of you. You need to understand why he strayed before you or the marriage can heal.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced when my son was 9. He's now 24. My ex-wife married the man she had been having an affair with and they have a 12-year-old son. I am also remarried and in a good place in my life.

For the past two years, my son has brought his half brother to our beach house for a weekend of fun. We honored this request and enjoy time with our son, but it is difficult having his half brother in my home. It brings up emotions I thought I had put behind me years ago.

I do not want these visits to continue, and I need to communicate this. I'd like to have an adult conversation with my son to explain the situation. How much do I tell him about my emotional reasons without being negative about his mom?

I also don't think he should have to carry the news to my ex or disappoint a 12-year-old. Should I send a simple note to her and explain that we will no longer host her son? -- NEEDS THE RIGHT WORDS

DEAR NEEDS: By all means write your ex. Explain that entertaining her son brings up emotions you would rather not have to relive. It's not the boy's fault that he's the flesh-and-blood symbol of his mother's infidelity, but you don't have to have him there if you don't want to.

If you would like to have a man-to-man talk with your son, go ahead and do it. He's an adult. Tell him pretty much the same thing -- that having the boy over is painful for you and, therefore, you prefer the beach house visits stop. You are entitled to your feelings, and your son is old enough to appreciate them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow, as are many of my friends these days. Widowhood is difficult. If you're not prepared, it can be horrible. That's why I'd like to urge women to learn to take care of themselves because the odds are they will be alone sooner or later after the age of 50. Some suggestions:

1. If you haven't already, learn to drive.

2. Learn to pump gas and how to check your tires and the fluids in your car.

3. Learn to use a few basic tools and do home repairs.

4. Pay attention to financial matters such as balancing a checkbook.

5. Know where your records are, what's in them and what information you will need for taxes.

6. Buy a shredder and shred unnecessary papers.

7. Make friends with other women. If you don't, life gets lonely.

8. Be courageous and do what you need to do to be happy.

9. Start to simplify your home. It will free your mind from clutter and, if necessary, allow you to move to smaller quarters.

10. Let your children lead their lives, lead your own and present a cheerful face to the world! -- KATHLEEN IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR KATHLEEN: Those are excellent suggestions, to which I would add how important it is to consult a CPA and a lawyer if your spouse hasn't already shown you what you need to know.

A HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY TO MY IRISH READERS:

May you always have

A sunbeam to warm you

Good luck to charm you

And a sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you

Laughter to cheer you

Faithful friends near you

And whenever you pray, heaven to hear you.