DEAR ABBY: My friend "Eden" recently told me her husband constantly compares her to me. It came up because she asked how I was feeling in my first trimester of pregnancy, and I confided that I have been having a tough time keeping up with my household duties.

Instead of sympathizing, she said, "Wow! I'll have to tell my husband that, because he's always talking about how clean your house is and how you cook dinner for your family every night."

I was really hurt that she was taking pleasure in my failures. I also felt uncomfortable that her husband compares her unfavorably to me. It isn't the first time she has mentioned how he talks about me.

I have distanced myself, hoping things would get better, but when I see her, she invariably manages to get in a little "dig." I'm unsure how to handle this. We're neighbors and have mutual friends. I thought we were friends, but now I realize she harbors some resentment toward me for something I didn't cause. Help! -- NO CONTEST IN MARYLAND

DEAR NO CONTEST: Unless Eden's husband stops using you as the cudgel to beat her down with, you can forget being friends. A way to handle it would be to talk to her husband and say, "Please stop comparing me to your wife because it is affecting our friendship!"

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my best friend smells a cough drop, she comments that it's "rude" to eat one in public and that if someone is sick, the person should stay home.

I would much rather smell someone's cough drop than listen to coughing during an entire movie or opera. Some people may have bought expensive tickets to a show only to get sick the day before or have allergies that cause them to cough.

So is it rude to eat a cough drop in public or not? -- UNBOTHERED IN TEXAS

DEAR UNBOTHERED: If it was bad manners to pop a cough drop into one's mouth in public, more than a few large brands would be out of business. While I agree with your friend that if people are sick they should stay home, some coughs linger beyond the stage when they are contagious.

I do not think that because someone bought expensive tickets to an event and gets sick the day before that it's all right to attend anyway and risk infecting everyone within "cough-shot." The considerate thing to do is to cancel and ask for a refund.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend in another state who has been posting on Facebook about her diagnosis of cancer. Her postings started in October, followed by more postings about delay after delay in the treatment.

First it was insurance -- she doesn't have any. Then it was multiple CAT scans and PETs. Now she's planning her own fundraiser, and I'm beginning to think she has made the whole thing up. It looks like there will be no treatment until after the fundraiser, even though she claims the cancer is stage 4. What do you think? -- SUSPICIOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I think that if there is any doubt in your mind about this woman's character, you should not contribute. And I also think that if your suspicions are true, your friend is planning to commit fraud and could wind up "recuperating" in prison.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Why is tonight different from every other night? Because Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of more than 12 years -- the pastor of a large church -- was sent to prison several months ago for soliciting sex with two minor children. While I despise what he did, I have enough intimate knowledge to know this was a one-time thing. He's a sex addict and, while this does not forgive the act, it was just an escalation of his addiction.

I have decided to forgive him and be supportive. I send him a small amount of money each week and provide emotional support. My problem is, I knew about his addiction for 11 of the 12 years we have known each other. I feel I could have prevented all this from happening if I had told others, intervened and helped him get treatment. How do I apologize to all of those who loved and supported him, not knowing he wasn't celibate? -- THE GUILTY ENABLER

DEAR ENABLER: Excuse me? "Just" an escalation of the man's sex addiction? The man's lack of character is appalling. That you would turn a blind eye to what he was doing indicates that you have issues of your own that need resolving. Forget about apologizing. You can't make this better. What's done is done.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend was raised in a family that didn't celebrate holidays, including birthdays. They converted to that religion when he was 10, and while he no longer identifies with that religion, he still doesn't recognize any celebrations.

I was raised with all the traditions surrounding the holidays and the family time that comes with it. I feel they are very important. I have tried explaining this to him, but his attitude toward holidays borders on hatred.

He recently told me he wants me to stop including him in activities or conversations related to holidays and birthdays, and I'm not sure what to do. He finds the same activities acceptable as long as they don't happen around a holiday and are not associated with one.

Would it be unfair to ask him to compromise and share certain traditions with me, in light of the fact that he has no family traditions to bring to the table? -- NO HAPPY BIRTHDAYS

DEAR NO HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: You could ask him to compromise, but it would be unrealistic to expect that someone with his ingrained attitude will do so. A fish and a bird may love each other, but it doesn't mean they can happily cohabit. If you want a happy relationship, find someone whose traditions more closely resemble your own.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an almost 18-year-old girl. I hoped that by now I would be over my fear of the dark, but I'm not. I can't sleep without the TV, go outside after dark or walk through my house at night without being terrified. I always feel as if there is "something" there, no matter how many times I shine a light to check. I'm pretty sure this is irrational, but I don't know what to do. -- SCAREDY-CAT IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCAREDY-CAT: When someone has an irrational fear, the thing to do is to consult a licensed psychotherapist and discuss it. There are counselors who specialize in phobias, and your physician may be able to refer you to one.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old son, "Mark," lives at home, has a full-time job and dates a girl, "Julia," who is a minister's daughter. He keeps bringing her to our home on occasions when she's "sick" or needs to catch an early flight and he needs to drive her to the airport. They are seeing only each other.

Julia is in pre-med and Mark thinks she's wonderful and smart. Abby, when she's here, she holes up in his room and never comes out. She's as quiet as a mouse. I am boisterous, and I get the feeling I turn her off.

The last time she stayed over was before an out-of-state interview Mark was driving her to. Abby, she never even said hello or goodbye. He made her breakfast in bed, and they sat there laughing and eating with the door shut.

When she visits she stays down in our den and ignores the rest of us the entire time, as does Mark. After the holidays, she left without wishing us "Happy Holidays" or even giving us a card. I had a present for her, but didn't give it to her because I decided I wouldn't go out of my way for a person who ignores me.

I want my son to move out. I do not want this girl sleeping over or staying under my roof anymore. I don't like her. What should I do? My mother says I should put my foot down and send my grown son out the door. She says I need to grow a spine, but I'm afraid! -- MAMA IN OHIO

DEAR MAMA: You are dealing with two separate issues. Your son is seriously involved with a girl who either never learned basic good manners or who may be pathologically shy. You and your husband should talk privately with Mark and find out exactly what her problem is. You also need to establish some ground rules for when she visits, so you don't feel shut out under your own roof.

Adult "children" live with their parents for various reasons. Some can't afford to live independently; others are trying to save money to buy a home of their own. I don't know Mark's reason and neither will you if you don't address this with him.

Your mother may be right. It may be time for him to move. But what concerns me about what has been going on is the lack of communication and a certain lack of respect. And nothing will change unless you and your husband insist upon it.

DEAR ABBY: This year my school started an international program, so we have students from around the world who attend school with us. I'd like to learn about their countries and invite them to the youth group I attend, but I'm nervous about talking to them and don't think I could work up the nerve. I'm also worried about what they will think of me. What should I say and do? -- APPREHENSIVE IN INDIANA

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: Please don't be afraid to reach out. Put yourself in those students' shoes. If you were in a strange school in a foreign country, wouldn't you be glad if someone approached you and introduced himself or herself and invited you to an activity, or to their home for dinner? All you need to do is smile and say, "Hi, I'm --." If you do, you could start a lifelong friendship and expand your horizons further than you could ever dream.

DEAR ABBY: Is it acceptable for one adult to correct another's English unless asked to do so?

My sister does it frequently, and I want to know if it's rude so I don't make the same blunder. -- GRAMMATICALLY YOURS IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR GRAMMATICALLY YOURS: It isn't rude if it is done tactfully, in private and in the spirit of being helpful. If it's done as a form of one-upmanship, it is obnoxious.