DEAR ABBY: I'm a member of a close-knit theater company for teens, and I auditioned for the musical "Fame." The director wants to give me a role as one of the teachers.

Show after show, I get matronly roles with no memorable lines or funny scenes. I don't know if I should accept the part. If I do, I'll get to be with my friends. If I don't, there will still be another show coming up that I can audition for. What should I do? -- YOUNG ACTRESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR YOUNG ACTRESS: Grab all the time you can get on stage. If you didn't have the depth it takes to portray a mature role, your director wouldn't want to assign it to you. This is a compliment about your abilities. Audition for the next show as well. The more varied the roles you play, the more you can develop your craft.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided to take some classes at a local community college. We both have college degrees, but there was a class we were interested in. We are the oldest students in the class by 10 to 20 years.

I am irritated by our classmates' disrespect and rudeness to the instructor. It takes the form of talking with each other when the instructor is speaking, then asking her to explain what she just discussed while they were talking. They sometimes get so loud that I can't hear what the teacher is saying.

Is there anything I can do as a fellow student to get them to stop? Because of the age difference, I'm afraid most of them would think I was being bossy. -- ANONYMOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The teacher you describe does not appear to be a particularly effective one or she would have better control of the classroom.

Because the noise level is so high you can't hear the lecture, I have two suggestions: The first is to speak privately with the teacher. And if that doesn't do the trick, when the students around you become disruptive, ask them to pipe down so you can hear what the instructor is saying. That is not being bossy. You paid for the class and you should get your money's worth.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I often go out to eat at local ethnic restaurants with a small group of friends. When we're at a Mexican restaurant, I often throw a couple of "arribas!" into our conversation. When we're at an Italian restaurant, I will sometimes use an Italian accent to say "pizza pie-a!" My husband tells me it's offensive.

I don't mean to insult anyone. My comments are made in the spirit of fun. Furthermore, the owners and servers at these restaurants are hardly ethnic Mexicans or Italians.

I would never wish to hurt someone or be derogatory, so I told my husband I'd consult you. What do you think? -- MUY CALIENTE IN IOWA

DEAR MUY CALIENTE: When you visit a Jewish deli do you tell the server, "Oy vey, I'll have the corned beef"? Your husband is right -- cool it. Not because you'll offend the servers in the restaurant, but because stereotyping makes you look like a fool.

DEAR ABBY: I met the woman of my dreams about a year ago. Her husband had died about two months before our paths crossed. She has two teenage daughters I'm very fond of.

I have a history of alcoholism and she's a hoarder. A week ago, I had an "epiphany": I am desperately trying to quit drinking for my own sake.

Abby, I am a clean freak living with a hoarder. I come home from work and get depressed and stressed from looking at all the clutter. It is driving me insane. I feel like it is triggering me to stay drunk every night.

I don't want to lose this woman and her family, but I can't co-exist in this house. I have left several times, only to miss her and go back. I'm trying to kick the booze, but I know I won't be able to achieve sobriety while living in this house. -- TRULY TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TRULY TORN: If you quit drinking only a week ago, it is important that you find an AA group to help you hang onto your sobriety. That's step one.

Next, realize that you and the lady you're living with may share a similar problem. You say you are a "clean freak." This can be a symptom of an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Hoarding can be a symptom of the same disorder.

The International OCD Foundation is a reliable resource that may be able to help you both. It offers individuals with this disorder the support they need to manage their symptoms, and has many local chapters. You can locate it online at www.ocfoundation.org or reach it by calling 617-973-5801.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe you would like to pass this on to the parents of teenage boys. It worked for me when I had the sex talk with my sons. I knew their brains had not yet fully developed. They thought they were invincible and had an "it could never happen to me" attitude.

Because money seems to be the one thing at that age they can relate to, I decided to turn it into a mathematical problem: I told them that if they got a girl pregnant, they could figure on a minimum of $300 a month child support, multiplied by 12 months for 18 years. (That totals $65,000 -- unless the girl has twins, which would double the amount.)

Then I told them if they were tempted to have unprotected sex, they should look at the girl and ask themselves if they would pay her $65,000 to have sex with them. If they couldn't answer yes, then they needed to walk away.

Abby, it worked! No grandchildren appeared until after they were married. Feel free to share this with other parents who would appreciate a "non-traditional" approach that is effective. -- TONY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TONY: Gladly. I'm passing your technique along because money is a great motivator, and your idea makes "cents."

DEAR ABBY: My roommate insists that undershirts should be washed right-side-out. I say as long as you're using detergent and bleach, it doesn't matter. Who is right? -- MR. CLEAN IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR MR. CLEAN: I don't claim to be a domestic goddess, but I don't think there is a right or wrong way to wash undershirts. I have heard, however, that washing garments inside out will prevent lint buildup on the outside, and in the case of denim, less fading.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wade," and I went into a convenience store near our home that we frequent regularly. A new employee -- a pretty, much younger girl -- stared at Wade with an expression of recognition and surprise on her face. When I asked him what that was about, he laughed it off and said I was "imagining things."

The next time we saw her, Wade acted nervous and started talking fast, as if trying to distract me. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her. She ignored me while obviously trying to lock eyes with Wade. The third time, she again ignored me but smirked and giggled while we were checking out. Then she shouted, "See ya later!" to my husband as we were walking out the door. When I turned, I caught Wade glaring at her.

When I asked why he did it, he replied, "I looked at her like that because she was acting like an idiot." When I asked why she'd be acting like an idiot if they didn't know each other, he started screaming at me. He called me crazy and threatened to leave me if I bring the subject up again.

Should I ask her why she seems so amused by my husband? And why is he angry at me? -- SMELLS SOMETHING FISHY

DEAR SMELLS: By all means ask because I'll bet she is dying to tell you. Your husband may have been seeing her or someone she knows. He attacked you because he felt guilty about something and didn't want to discuss it.

It proves the truth of the adage, "The best defense is a strong offense." Believe me, you have my sympathy, but you need to get to the bottom of this, so don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: What do you call additions to your family that result from second or third marriages? Our daughter died several years ago. I refer to her widower as my son-in-law, but what term should I use when I introduce his new wife? She has two daughters from a previous marriage -- sweet girls who call me "Granddad." Technically, they are not my granddaughters -- but what are they?

These are just two examples of modern relationships that seem to require a new vocabulary. I have tried searching the Internet for answers without luck. Any suggestions? -- FAMILY MAN IN TEXAS

DEAR FAMILY MAN: When introducing your late daughter's husband and his wife, try this: "This is my son-in-law 'Sam' and his wife, 'Virginia.'" If you're asked for clarification, which I doubt will happen, give more details. As to the woman's daughters who are not blood related to you, because they call you "Granddad," refer to them as your granddaughters and leave it at that.

DEAR ABBY: Where does the priest get the ashes for Ash Wednesday? -- MARY IN VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: Traditionally, palm branches from the previous year's Palm Sunday are burned to create the ashes, and those ashes are retained for the next year's Ash Wednesday. Some people keep the palm fronds from the last Palm Sunday tucked behind a cross or a religious picture in their home and bring them to be burned. I have this on good authority. (When I told a priest I would have guessed they were left over from the Inquisition, he laughed.)