DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee with college-aged children. I love my children, and I thought I loved my ex. However, after my divorce I wonder if I'm capable of loving anyone other than my children again.

Two years after the divorce I started a relationship with a man who is 10 years older. He had recently ended a long-term dating/living together relationship. I wasn't particularly drawn to him, but he was very persistent. We finally, jokingly, agreed to be "exclusively casual" and began dating. My children don't dislike him; they are indifferent to him.

We have been dating for six years. I do not love him. He, however, professes to adore me and wants us to spend our lives together. I do not want this to go on any longer. I have some serious health issues and I'm not interested in having him as my caretaker. He has already made plans for us to be together for this. I don't want him doing this for me.

He's a good man. He deserves someone who wants the devotion he is so willing to give. How do I tell him to move on? I'm financially stable. He's not after my money; he's very comfortable on his own. I need to force him to go find a woman who needs or wants him. Many of his friends think I take advantage of his feelings. I don't want to be in this position any longer. Any advice you could offer would be a gift. -- DRAGGING MY FEET IN TEXAS

DEAR DRAGGING YOUR FEET: The longer you put this off, the harder it will be, and if you don't open your mouth you are going to find yourself in exactly the position you say you don't want to be. The magic words are:

"'John,' I have enjoyed your friendship, but I'm not in love with you. I had hoped that as time passed I would fall in love with you, but it hasn't happened and now I realize it isn't going to. I want to deal with my health issues on my own. I don't want you to be my caretaker. What I do want is to end our relationship so you can find a woman who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Sadly, that's not me -- but I wish you well and ... goodbye."

Do not expect him to welcome this dose of reality, but those are the words that will set you -- and him -- free.

DEAR ABBY: I am a veteran and while I have spent this past year in school, I can't seem to connect with any of the younger students there. It's disheartening, to be honest, and I feel it's part of the reason I can't enjoy school at my age (23) after all my experiences in combat.

I can't decide whether to drop out and join a private security company, or tough it out and deal with these kids who don't take education seriously. I miss work at the same time. Any thoughts? -- TORN IN MILFORD, CONN.

DEAR TORN: The students you describe are at a very different level of maturity than you -- and I don't mean chronologically. After having experienced combat, you have a different perspective on what's important in life than someone who hasn't been tested.

You have earned the right to a college degree, so please don't waste the opportunity. If you complete your education, you will have more career options than if you quit now. If you feel you want to go into security work after graduation, that option will still be open. Others may not be.

DEAR ABBY: When friends and family get together, the conversation often turns to the subject of health. They swap stories about the medications they may be taking and the lifestyle changes they're making to improve their health. They look to each other for support and tips to get through the flu or a nasty case of food poisoning, and rely on each other's experience to tackle challenges like quitting smoking, managing heart disease, diabetes, menopause or conquering insomnia.

To help your readers support their loved ones through these health issues and many more, the FDA's Office of Women's Health and the GSA's Federal Citizen Information Center have created the free Friends and Family Health Kit. It contains more than 20 publications that are quick to read, easy to understand, and feature health care and prevention tips for women and their families.

Abby, thank you for letting your readers know about the Friends and Family Health Kit, and for sharing advice we can all use to better care for ourselves and for one another. -- MARSHA HENDERSON, FDA ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH

DEAR MARSHA: Your letter is timely because we are in the middle of Women's Health Week, which runs from May 12-18. I'm always glad to receive your health kits because they are constantly being updated to reflect the latest information.

This year's health kits cover subjects that include recognizing health scams, preventing food poisoning, managing your medications from pregnancy to menopause, participating in clinical trials (which can be a lifesaver), controlling asthma, selecting a mammography facility, and staying safe with cosmetics and tattooing.

There is no charge for the Friends and Family Health Kits and they're easy to order. Just send your name and address to Friends and Family Health Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009; go online to www.promotions.usa.gov/dearabby.html; or call: 888-8-PUEBLO (that's 888-878-3256) weekdays, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time. The publications can also be read online in PDF format, or be downloaded to your computer and printed out. Print supplies are limited, so don't wait to order them.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Alaska and have good friends I visit every summer on the East Coast. I have some acquaintances and former co-workers who live there, too. Many of them want me to visit when I come down. I have grown apart from these former friends and keep in touch only through occasional emails and Facebook.

Flying from Alaska to the East Coast is expensive and time-consuming. I really just want to rest and hang out with the friends I'll be staying with. Even when I avoid posting pictures of my vacation on Facebook until after the trip, I get comments or emails about me not stopping by or letting them know I was in town.

What's the polite way to tell these former co-workers and acquaintances that I don't want to spend my vacation time with them? Or should I just get over it and devote some time to them as well? -- TRYING TO BE POLITE IN ANCHORAGE

DEAR TRYING TO BE POLITE: If you have any desire to continue the relationships with your former co-workers and acquaintances, why not arrange to meet a group of them at an agreed-upon place one afternoon for a "reunion"? If you don't, then either ignore their comments or respond to the emails by saying you needed to rest, which is the reason you didn't socialize more during your vacation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my late 40s and I hate sex. I always have and always will. I'm disabled, and it has always been torture. I never got any positive benefits out of it.

My problem is I get hit on constantly. I tried marriage once, more for financial reasons than anything else, but I couldn't wait to get out. I'm single now, own my own home, and the men in this town (married and single) all seem to think I'm fair game. They're convinced that I'm in need of satisfaction because I don't date or have a steady man in my life.

I have told them repeatedly that it's not going to happen, but every once in a while one pops up on my doorstep or approaches me in town, only to be told again to leave me alone.

Please don't tell me to see a therapist. The last one I went to tried to tell me I was gay. No! I'm simply happy being single and sex-free. I go where I want and don't have to answer to anyone. Short of running these idiots off with a shotgun, how do I get it through their thick skulls that I'm not available? -- SEXLESS BY CHOICE

DEAR SEXLESS: Although we live in a sex-obsessed society, not everyone -- male or female -- is a sexual creature. Your therapist should not have tried to label you as gay. You appear to be asexual, which you describe as happily sex-free.

The next time you are hit on by one of these men -- who, by the way, probably think that by doing so they are "helping" -- tell him you are happy with your life just the way it is, and it isn't necessary to offer help where none is needed. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I really like this girl, but my parents absolutely cannot stand her. They hate that she has a tattoo and a lip ring, but her appearance has had no effect on her professional life, as she is on the road to success in her field. I am not writing to ask whether I should stay with her, because I intend to. She's an amazing person, a hard worker, a trustworthy partner and, most of all, she's my best friend.

How can I diffuse potentially "combustible" situations with my parents, who always try to put her down no matter how often I plead my case? -- JOE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR JOE: Whether your parents approve or not, tattoos seem to have become a rite of passage for many people of your generation, and so have lip rings, eyebrow rings and multiple ear piercings. If you are over 21 and living independent of your parents, then you have the right to choose the women you become involved with. From your letter, I'd say your values are mature.

In time, your parents may recognize the fine qualities you see in this young woman. If they don't, they may wind up estranging a son. Right now, getting into a debate about her will be a losing proposition and I'm advising you against it.

DEAR ABBY: I'll be visiting the United States in a couple of weeks, and I'm really excited. Now my question: How do I tip the waitress properly? I know to round the bill by 15 percent and up, but do I pay only in cash, or can I have this amount charged to my credit card? Are there any other things I have to look out for? I don't want to offend anyone. -- JUTTA IN TRIER, GERMANY

DEAR JUTTA: If you prefer to add your tip to your credit card, it is perfectly acceptable to do so. However, before you pay, you should review the bill to be sure that a gratuity has not already been included, which can happen when a group of people dine together. I hope you will enjoy your visit to our beautiful country and that it will be the first of many.