DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Vernon" for six months. We were great together from the day we met. It was like we'd known each other forever and could talk for hours. We talked every night and it was amazing.

Two weeks ago, I was raped by a man I thought was a friend. When I told Vernon, he was shocked and didn't know how to handle it. I was hoping we could get past it, but two nights ago he said he can no longer be intimate with me because he feels like he is doing something wrong, or I won't like it. He said he loves talking to me and still wants to be friends.

We have continued talking every night, but it is hard for me to do as just his friend. Do you think he will be able to get over these feelings and be with me again? Should I remain friends when I have feelings for him? -- WANTS MORE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WANTS MORE: If you haven't already reported the rape to the police, do it now. The man who did this to you needs to be taken out of circulation so he won't harm another woman.

You should be receiving counseling to help you get over what was done to you, and frankly, so should Vernon. Unless he can stop treating you as though you are "untouchable," you should not continue the "friendship," because what he is doing is distancing himself when you need his support the most.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago I became engaged to a very special man. We have decided to be married during a weeklong cruise we have taken the past two years. We knew some family members might not be able to attend for financial reasons, so we chose to invite only two close friends as witnesses and not have our families there.

My family is OK with our decision, but his family is not pleased. They have been calling him constantly and telling him to change our plans and accommodate them, and frankly, we are sick of it. We know why they're upset, but at the same time this is our day and they should respect our decision.

How can we get them to be more understanding and less disrespectful about how we want our wedding? Please help, because we don't know what else to say to them. -- SOON TO BE NEWLYWEDS

DEAR SOON TO BE NEWLYWEDS: It appears your fiance's family considers weddings to be more about the joining of families and less about the wishes of the individuals involved. They expected to be included, and are hurt because they weren't.

A way to explain your decision would be to make it less about yourselves and more about the fact that you knew some family members could not afford to make this trip, so you plan to have a reception when you return and include everybody.

DEAR ABBY: Next month my husband and I are leaving our 18-year-old son home alone overnight for the first time. We have good neighbors who will keep an eye on things. Although we trust our son, I feel we should let his 16-year-old girlfriend's parents know he will have the house to himself for the night.

I have never met them and don't want to alarm them by calling out of the blue. Do you think I should call them? -- WHAT SHOULD I DO?

DEAR WHAT: Yes. Call, introduce yourself, and suggest that because your teenagers are involved that you meet in person "sometime soon." And while you're making conversation, casually mention that you will be leaving town and your son will be alone overnight for the first time. If you had a 16-year-old daughter, wouldn't you want to know?

DEAR ABBY: It is easy to watch or read the news and think people are awful and this world is going nowhere fast. At New Year's I made a resolution to try and do something about how I view society. I decided I'd do 30 random acts of service for strangers.

I know it may seem small and insignificant, but at least I can say I'm trying to make this a better place to live. I'm hoping it will spread a message of love and caring in a world with too much hurt and violence. Ideally, one or two people will notice and pay it forward.

It's spring, and so far I have volunteered as a math tutor at a local school and shoveled the snow off a neighbor's sidewalk. But I'm already falling behind, and I'm struggling to come up with some good ideas. I know you and your readers often have creative suggestions. Can you suggest more acts of service I can do for strangers? -- TRYING TO BE NICE

DEAR TRYING TO BE NICE: You could volunteer at a local food pantry. Or find an organization that delivers food to shut-ins and take meals to the clients they serve a couple of days a month.

You could bring a garbage bag with you when you take walks in the morning or evening and pick up paper cups, plastic bags, cigarette butts and candy wrappers that litter our streets and beaches. Or simply acknowledge the presence of others by smiling and saying, "good morning," "good afternoon" and "good evening" to people you encounter.

Readers, if you'd like to chime in, I'd be interested in your ideas.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, when I was a senior in high school, a guy became overly attached to me. He shared many very private feelings with me about his lack of friends and severe depression. After trying to help him, first by myself and later with a school guidance counselor and even involving his parents, I decided his problems were too much for me to handle and ended the friendship. I know I hurt him, but I saw no other alternative. After high school we didn't speak for about a year.

We are now in the same college and he's trying to force himself back into my life and be friends again. Abby, he hasn't changed at all. I feel bad, but I have no interest in becoming his friend.

What should I do? I have a hard time saying no because he is so persistent and I feel guilty. -- FEELING PITY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FEELING PITY: Tell him the truth. Say, "I can't be your friend because your problems overwhelm me. But you can do something about them by going to the student health center and asking for counseling, and by joining some clubs and activities so you can interact with new people."

DEAR ABBY: Why are brownies called brownies if they are black? -- JUST WONDERING IN HOUSTON

DEAR JUST WONDERING: I took your question to Lachlan Sands, executive chef at Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts, Los Angeles, who says, "The first mention of 'brownies' is in a Fanny Farmer cookbook published in 1906. They are not called brownies because of the color, but were named after Celtic pixies."

P.S. If your brownies are turning out black, you may be baking them too long.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of two amazing boys, 16 and 12. While my older son has been private about coming into puberty, my younger son is very open about it, and we have had many conversations about it. Abby, I'll be honest. The subject makes me uncomfortable.

Last night I walked into my 12-year-old's room and interrupted him pleasuring himself. I was shocked, and I started to laugh because I was embarrassed. I did tell him he needed to be more private about his curiosity, to close the door and have a blanket over himself. But I was laughing when I was talking to him and literally could not stop.

I'm unsure what is the right course of action at this point. Where do I go from here? -- EMBARRASSED MOM

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Masturbation is natural. Every healthy, normal person has done it. It is not depraved, a crime or harmful to one's health.

Your son is now at an age when it is appropriate for Mom to knock before entering his room out of respect for his privacy. So: Apologize to your son for laughing. Explain that it was because you were embarrassed.

If your children's father is in the picture (or another male relative), a man-to-man talk about this could be helpful. If there isn't one, consult your sons' pediatrician for suggestions on how to discuss sexuality with both of your boys. If you haven't already done so, the time has arrived.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, three sisters and their husbands and children and I go to our parents' house for holiday dinners. My youngest sister's husband refuses to go because he doesn't get along with our family. (He also does not get along with his own family.)

Before my youngest sister leaves, she insists on taking a plate of food home for her husband who was "unable to be there." I feel if he doesn't want to be with our family, he shouldn't be allowed to have takeout. Our mother is 82, and it upsets her that he doesn't want to be there. What do you think? -- RESENTFUL

DEAR RESENTFUL: If your brother-in-law can't get along with the family, he is doing everyone a favor by not attending those family dinners. Because your mother finds his absence upsetting, it is up to her to put her foot down and tell your sister she doesn't want food taken to him. Until she does, food deliveries will continue.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am disgusted with people who answer their cellphones wherever and whenever.

I was at a funeral last week where this twit answered her cellphone while viewing the deceased in his casket. She was literally kneeling beside the casket when her phone rang, and she carried on a conversation with the caller for a full three minutes. I timed it!

I know some people may think this is funny or no big deal. I suggest that those who feel that way should learn manners. Unless you're a doctor or some other emergency caretaker, there is no reason to take a call while in the company of others. -- MICHAEL IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR MICHAEL: I agree. When attending a funeral or a memorial, cellphones should be turned off out of respect not only for the deceased, but for the others around you.