DEAR ABBY: At what point is a relationship with a member of the opposite sex considered "cheating"? I have recently discovered that my husband was having a more-than-friendly relationship with a co-worker. He set up a post office box for her so she could write to him while she was away for an extended period.

I found her letters and read them. They described how she missed my husband and "couldn't wait to feel" his arms around her and his lips on hers again. She said he had shown her what real true love can be. She is 12 years younger than he is.

My husband says they never had sex, but did kiss on several occasions, and he enjoyed their deep, open conversations. Because my husband is not a big conversationalist, that has been very hard for me. The idea that he had meaningful conversations with this woman hurts me more than the physical things they admit to.

He says it's not actually cheating if they never slept together. I say, with everything he has admitted to and the fact he has opened up to her in ways I have begged him to with me, he has definitely cheated!

This is the second time in our 16-year marriage this kind of thing has happened. Obviously, his definition of cheating is not the same as mine. I say an emotional affair is almost worse than a physical one. He sees cheating as sex only. -- HURT AND LONELY IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR HURT AND LONELY: When someone gets a post office box so that he or she can carry on a furtive romantic correspondence, it is cheating. When he kisses and embraces someone in a romantic fashion, that's cheating too. When he confides his deepest feelings to a woman other than his wife, what he does is widen the gulf between them.

On the deepest levels, your husband has been unfaithful to you. It appears he has perfected the "art" of lying to himself in order to justify his behavior. My heart goes out to you.

DEAR ABBY: I was seeing a therapist for several years. I began going because of abandonment and trust issues. Over time we became friends outside of therapy, talking to each other several times a week. I trusted her completely. During our therapy sessions she shared her life and problems with me to the point that I feel I know as much about her as she knows about me.

A couple of months ago, she suddenly decided that ethics had been breached and she was setting new boundaries. She said there would be no contact outside our sessions, but during the sessions she would say how much she missed me and thought of me as a daughter, and she would cry.

Now she has decided that she can no longer be my therapist. She has blocked my number and expects me to respect her demands. I know you can't speak for her, but is this normal behavior for a mental health therapist? I no longer trust therapists. -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: No, it is not normal behavior; it is highly inappropriate. Your therapist appears to have had as many or more unresolved emotional issues than you did. By ending your sessions together, she has done you an enormous favor.

While you may not trust "therapists," it may require the efforts of another one to help you work through this. When you go for your initial interview, be sure to tell the therapist what was done to you.

DEAR ABBY: I was bullied from second grade all through school. In junior high the abuse was both emotional and physical, and it happened on a daily basis. My parents' response was that maybe I was the problem -- and if I wasn't, people would stop picking on me. (That's a letter for another day.)

What would have been my 10-year high school reunion was two weeks ago. Needless to say, I didn't go. Since the reunion, however, I have received more than 30 messages via Facebook from former classmates. It seems I was the main topic of conversation at the reunion, mainly because everyone apparently wanted to apologize to me.

Abby, I don't know how to respond to these people. While I don't doubt the sincerity of their apologies, I truly don't want to have any contact with them (even on Facebook). At the same time, I don't want to be rude and just ignore them.

So far, I haven't replied to any of their messages. I want to know if I must, and if so, what I should say? To be honest, I'd like to tell them all to go to hell, but I'm trying to be nice. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: You do not have to say anything to any of these people, and you do not have to be "nice." Silence sends a strong message, and it is the one I'm recommending.

Understand that by apologizing they are trying to make themselves feel better. It's also possible that maturity has caused them to realize what they did was wrong. However, you are not obligated to accept their apologies if doing so will make you feel worse.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother struggling with my 12-year-old daughter. For the last three months she has been withdrawn, uncommunicative, rude, mean and treats me with contempt. We have been in counseling and are going back again, but I can't ask people to stay with her while I go and recharge my spirit because she's so rude to them as well.

I need to know, Abby, what do other parents do to make it through this incredibly painful period in the lives of their teenager and themselves? -- SINGLE MOM IN CANADA

DEAR SINGLE MOM: Any abrupt change in behavior should be regarded as a red flag. Your daughter should be evaluated by her pediatrician to be sure there isn't an underlying cause. Could she have been molested, be using drugs, pills, alcohol, etc.? Do her friends act this way? Does she have friends?

Changes like this don't usually happen overnight. Was this behavior tolerated when she was smaller? If a child of mine behaved that way, she would be grounded and her cellphone and Internet privileges canceled until she was 30.

As to whom you can leave her with while you "recharge," does this girl have a father, an aunt, a grandparent who can give you respite? That's how some single parents get a break. But if those resources are not available, you will have to deal with this (with the help of a more effective therapist than the one you were using) until your "problem child" becomes an adult.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and for as long as I can remember, my family has never really been "together." We exist with each other physically, but have never connected in a loving way. I can't remember my father ever smiling at my mom or being happy. There seems to be an undercurrent of hostility or resentment in our relationships with each other. The lack of love in our house is palpable.

I wonder sometimes what it's like to eat dinner together at night, and what it's like to see parents kiss because they love each other -- not a stressed, distant, obligated contact.

I finally asked my mother, "Why don't you ever hug me?" Her answer was, "Because I can't remember the last time you tried to hug me."

I'm crying as I write this. Why doesn't my mother understand that kindness is necessary and should not be conditional? -- TROUBLED GIRL IN FLORIDA

DEAR TROUBLED GIRL: Your mother may have been raised in a loveless home and not know how to easily demonstrate affection. Or her marriage to your father could be so unhappy that she has shut down.

You are a perceptive girl, and it is understandable that you are "troubled." But the only person who can answer the question you have asked me is your mother, who appears to need to receive kindness and affection before she will be able to give it. Make an effort to hug her more and the situation may improve. How very sad.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 33-year-old man who has screwed up his marriage. I stupidly had a fling with my wife's 16-year-old cousin and got in trouble for it. I never lied about it because I knew it was wrong, and I am deeply sorry for it. It happened more than a year ago. I ended up serving time in jail.

I love my wife. She is my best friend. We have no kids, just some great dogs and horses. We were very close until I went to jail, and the last day I was in there I got served with divorce papers.

I can't blame her for how she feels. She says she loves me but she's too hurt to continue. I love her and I'm devastated that I can't fix this.

I have known her for 20 years and she means so much to me. I want to save our marriage, and for the last year I have expressed repeatedly how sorry I am. Any advice? -- SORRY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SORRY: Tell your wife (if the divorce isn't final) that you are willing to do anything to save your marriage, and ask her if she would be willing to go to couple's counseling with you.

Under the circumstances, her feelings are entirely understandable. If there is any love for you left in her heart, counseling may help to get your relationship back on track. However, if she refuses, you will have to accept her decision and go on with your life, having learned a very expensive lesson.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old gay male who is interested in doing drag. Due to being unable to find work, I am hoping I can turn performing in drag into a source of income. I am not afraid to perform in front of crowds of people, so this could be a good idea. Do you think it is? -- POTENTIAL SUPERSTAR IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR POTENTIAL SUPERSTAR: It's not a bad idea. Your next step is to audition to see if you have the ability and the looks to succeed.

While drag is a narrow niche of show business, some performers have had successful careers in that area -- and you might, too. You'll never know if you don't give it a try. I wish you luck.