DEAR ABBY: I have led an unusual life. I lived abroad alone in my late teens, spent my early 20s exploring the West, and finished my college degree a year early while working full time. It gave me independence, experience and clarity.

My problem is, in dating I feel leagues ahead of men who are my age. I am attracted to much older men. My current boyfriend is 15 years older than I am. The age gap is often a topic of conversation among my acquaintances, co-workers and some family members. My boyfriend has also experienced unwanted comments about dating a much younger woman.

What are your thoughts on who a person should be dating in her early 20s? And how should I deal with those who believe I am breaking a social code? -- OLD SOUL IN COLORADO

DEAR OLD SOUL: I can't give you an unbiased opinion because when I was in my early 20s, I dated older men. They liked to talk, I liked to listen, and I learned a great deal about life from them. I hope the same will be true for you.

As to how you should deal with people who accuse you of breaking a social norm, unless they have a valid reason for criticizing the man you're dating, I think you should tune them out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old woman who is afraid of my true feelings. I have been friends with a woman who is a lesbian for seven years. I have always been attracted to women -- especially her -- but I have always dated men.

I have just ended a five-year relationship, and over the past few months my friend and I have grown very close. I am starting to have feelings for her sexually. I think about her all the time. She's beautiful, smart, inspiring and has an amazing personality.

My problem is, I have an 8-year-old daughter, and I don't know how she would handle it if I were to date a woman instead of a man. I am also afraid of how my family would react.

Our attraction is unspoken, but I can see it when I look into her eyes. Should I admit my feelings or should we remain friends? -- AFRAID OF MY TRUE FEELINGS IN OHIO

DEAR AFRAID: I am reluctant to advise you to spend the rest of your life living a lie in order to avoid upsetting your family, because I don't think it would be healthy for you.

Talk to your friend. Once you are sure the relationship with this woman is serious, mutual and lasting, you can tell your daughter you are dating. Children are adaptable, and this may be less of a surprise to her than you fear. My advice is to listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my son get along better with me when they're not together. When I am there, they gang up on me and become adversarial. I have reached a point where I hate to be around them at the same time.

I don't know what to do about this. When I try to talk to my husband about it, he gets angry and blames me. I don't think I can take much more. What do you think about this? -- THREE'S A CROWD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: If picking on you is part of their male bonding, it's unhealthy. Your husband may do it because he has underlying anger issues he doesn't express directly to you. Your son may participate because his father encourages it, but he should not be allowed to treat you with disrespect.

Before this takes a further toll on your marriage, the three of you should get family counseling. If that doesn't help, you may need individual counseling to help you either stand up for yourself or decide whether you can continue living this way.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old woman who would like your take on a problem I have with several married female friends and my married sister. During the many years I have been close to these couples, the women seem unable to have one-on-one conversations, outings or a lunch date with me without including their husbands.

Several times after making a lunch date, one friend, unbeknownst to me, has called her husband and invited him as well. Another friend's husband never seems to allow her to talk to me alone, and will even be on speaker or another phone listening -- again, unbeknownst to me until he suddenly says something.

My sister will not read her emails from me, but instead has her husband read them aloud to her while she's doing something else and then dictates a few words to reply to me with. Consequently, I stopped emailing her and told her why.

There is nothing I would say to these ladies that I wouldn't want their husbands to hear, but can you tell me why certain women feel a need to include their spouses in their female relationships in this manner? At the very least, I feel it is extremely rude. -- FRUSTRATED WITH MY BFFs

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your friends may assume that you like their husbands' company as much as they do. They may feel that because they tell their spouses "everything," their menfolk might as well hear what you have to say directly from you. Or their husbands may be retired or semi-retired and have no social lives of their own. Of course, the way to get a direct answer to your question would be to ask them why they do this, and because you feel it is rude, you should tell them.

As to your sister, she may be too busy with household chores to read your emails and reply to them, which is why she has her husband read them to her, or you may have sent more than she can handle. Not sending her any more emails is not the solution; telling her how you feel might be.

DEAR ABBY: Last year a neighbor confided to me that she had been sexually assaulted. In an effort to both show and invite compassion, I told her I empathized with her because I had been assaulted on multiple occasions as a child and teen decades ago.

I have now learned that this woman has told other neighbors that I "had sex with a lot of men," but she failed to put it in the context that I was a child victim of multiple predators.

How should I respond to this? Should I ignore the situation or explain the truth to the neighbors? I don't know whether or not to confront the woman who divulged the information. I am shocked that she'd do such a thing.

I have no shame or guilt issues over what happened to me because I worked through that long ago. But I'm at a loss about what, if anything, I should do. I have already learned the painful lesson that she wasn't worthy of my trust and has serious issues of her own.

What are your thoughts on this matter? -- RE-VICTIMIZED

DEAR RE-VICTIMIZED: You have every right to be angry with the blabbermouth. Because the word is out, set the record straight with the neighbors who were kind enough to tell you your confidence wasn't respected. And in the future, I wouldn't blame you if you avoided the woman who started the rumors whenever possible, and let her know why.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl and I had a big argument with my mom. It's about her drinking. I have tried to get her to stop because most of the money she makes goes straight to her alcohol, but instead of talking it out, she starts yelling. She says it's her life and we can't tell her what to do with her money.

I have five younger sisters and brothers, and I try to come up with the money myself from baby-sitting. I feel as if my younger siblings are my children. I am so fed up with my mother's behavior. Should I keep talking to her about it or leave it be? -- CAN'T DO IT ALL ON GUAM

DEAR CAN'T DO IT ALL: As long as your mother continues to deny that she has a drinking problem, there is nothing you can do to help her without further putting her on the defensive. But you may be able to find support from Alateen.

Alateen is a group for teens that was established specially for young people who are affected by the drinking problem of someone close to them. You would also be welcome at a weekly Al-Anon meeting in Chalan Pago. For more information on Al-Anon and Alateen, visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, email wso@al-anon.org or call 888-4AL-ANON.

At your tender age, you should not have to assume financial responsibility for your younger siblings. You should discuss this with your clergyperson, a teacher at school or another trusted adult because they may be able to get you some help from a social services organization.

DEAR ABBY: A relative of mine has a 5-year-old son who is at least 20 or 30 pounds overweight. Everyone in the family is concerned about it, but no one knows how to bring it up to the parents without offending them. We don't understand how the parents or grandparents don't see his weight as an issue.

Bullying is a huge deal among children, and we fear he might have trouble with other kids his age teasing him. However, we are more worried about his health than anything. Being that overweight is a lot for anyone, but especially a young child. What should we do? -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN CHICAGO

DEAR SOMEONE WHO CARES: How do you know the child's parents and grandparents don't see his weight as an issue? A way to raise the subject would be to mention your concern and ask what the boy's pediatrician has had to say about it. While years ago doctors may have been reluctant to raise the issue, today they are much less so because the American Medical Association has declared obesity to be a disease.

Also, as a relative, try to include the boy in physical activity you engage in.

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old granddaughter, Brayleigh, is friendly and outgoing. If you see us in the grocery store, she will probably smile at you and say, "Hi." She would love it if you smiled back and said it too, but please, resist the urge to touch her.

Your kids or grandkids may giggle when you play "got your nose" or "tickle your belly" with them, but that's because they know and trust you. You are a total stranger to Brayleigh, even if you know me. While you may mean well, imagine a total stranger rushing up and putting their hands all over you! Abby, how about passing along the message? -- BRAYLEIGH'S GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: I'm glad to help. No one should touch a child without first asking permission from the adult who is accompanying the little boy or girl. Not only could the child be frightened by it, but the parent could misunderstand and it could lead to an altercation.