DEAR ABBY: We have a grown son who is married with his own family and home. He and his wife have jobs. My husband and I are semiretired -- not rich, but we live comfortably. Our credit score is great.

My son wants us to co-sign a loan for him. I know his credit is not good because I get phone calls from collection agents looking for him. We really don't want to co-sign.

How do I explain this to him? I feel that because I'm his mother it obligates me. I am also afraid he will stop letting us see the grandkids if I refuse. -- SCARED OF THE DOTTED LINE

DEAR SCARED: Since debt collectors are calling because your son isn't paying his bills, do not co-sign for a loan for him! If you do, you could wind up having to pay it off yourselves.

Your son is an adult. That you are his mother does not obligate you to assume responsibility in case he doesn't pay his bills. If he retaliates by not allowing you to see the grandkids, so be it. If you knuckle under to emotional blackmail, it won't stop, and it could affect your standard of living for the rest of your lives.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in high school and my daddy just passed away. I want to know why I have so much anger and hurt about this. I feel like he never got to see me reach any of my goals in life. The main goal was to see my graduation.

What is the best way I can get my mind off this? -- YOUNG GIRL IN ALABAMA

DEAR YOUNG GIRL: I am sorry for your loss, which is a particularly difficult one at your age.

It's important that you understand the feelings you are experiencing are normal. Anger is a part of the grieving process, and it may take some time for you to get beyond it.

The best way to "get your mind off this" would be to find a safe place to talk about it. A grief support group would be helpful. Your clergyperson could help you find one and so could your family doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from "Appreciative in Hitchcock, Texas" (June 17) about the importance of sending thank-you notes.

Maybe this will help others: When our three children were young, we had a "note rule." When they received a present, they had five days to write the note. If written within two days, the note only had to be three lines long. On the third day, it was four lines. On the fourth day, five lines. On the fifth day -- the gift went to charity!

None of them ever complained about doing their notes, and it became a habit while growing up. We were proud of each of them when their wedding thank-yous were out within a week! -- STRICT PARENTS IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR STRICT PARENTS: Good for you! You taught your children that there were consequences for shirking responsibility. That's an important lesson because the same is true when they become adults.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering, do you ever read a letter and say to yourself, "If this is all you have to worry about, you're lucky"? -- JEFF IN FORT MCCOY, FLA.

DEAR JEFF: No. I have more respect for my readers than that. However, many people have written me to say that after reading the letters that appear in my column, they felt lucky!

DEAR ABBY: I became sexually active at an extremely young age. I know my whole life would be different, as well as my children's lives, had I just known better. I have a 4-year-old daughter, a 7-year-old son and a 12-year-old stepson. I want desperately to protect them from making the same mistakes I did. I feel like the best way to prevent this is to speak openly about sex.

The closest anyone ever came to speaking to me about sex was my grandfather (of all people!), who gave me a Dear Abby booklet that was written to inform kids about sex. Even though I was embarrassed when he gave it to me and I ran back to my room to hide, I still read the whole thing from front to back. It was interesting, but unfortunately, it was too late. I have always wished I would have been given that booklet a couple of years sooner.

This was about 15 years ago. Is there any chance you know the book I'm talking about and where I could find a few to pass on to my children? Obviously, the family around me were not comfortable speaking of sex. Please know how grateful I am even all this time later that you provided my grandfather with a way to reach out to me. -- GRATEFUL IN HOUSTON

DEAR GRATEFUL: Many parents find the subject of sex a difficult one to raise with their children, so they postpone it. As happened in your case, that discussion often comes after it is too late.

Because children are now maturing at earlier ages, these discussions should be part of an ongoing dialogue that begins before puberty. My booklet is written to help "break the ice" and start the discussion more easily. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. It would be helpful for you to review the booklet again so you can prepare beforehand to answer questions or guide the conversation.

Among the important topics included in my booklet are: "How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant?" "How old must a boy be before he can father a child?" "What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe?" and "Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex?"

Also included is a section on various sexually transmitted diseases and what to do if you think you may have one. This is extremely important because STDs need to be treated right away, and not doing so can have lifelong consequences.

Knowledge is power. The more information children receive, the better they will be prepared for making intelligent, informed decisions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away 10 weeks ago. I plan on wearing my wedding ring for the remainder of my life. Your opinion would be appreciated. -- GRIEVING WIDOW IN TEXAS

DEAR GRIEVING WIDOW: Allow me to offer my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Because the ring brings you comfort, you may wear it as long as you wish.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently hired for a job I have wanted for years. I am a counselor for troubled teens. I love it, and I empathize with those I work with. (Ten years ago, I was a teen placed in a similar facility for some of the same reasons.)

The problem is, when I was in a dark period of my life, I was a cutter. I still have deep scars on one arm that are noticeable. How do I handle this now that I'm in the psychological field? I don't wish to go into detail about my past, as that would be poor boundaries as an employee and counselor. But it's hard to avoid with hot summer weather here and my past literally "on my sleeve."

Please help. Some actions have permanent consequences. I hope this will remind other cutters that their wounds may be something they wish they could undo once they are emotionally healed. -- NAMELESS IN AMERICA

DEAR NAMELESS: I hope your comments will remind other cutters not only that actions have consequences, but also that there are more effective solutions for emotional pain than self-injury. This is something you should discuss with your employers. My thinking is, if your clients see your scars, it may help them to talk about their own cutting, which would be therapeutic.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became a father for the third time. My children are 18, 5 and 3 weeks old. My wife, "Molly," had complications during this last pregnancy that caused her blood pressure to remain in a heightened state for the last few months of her pregnancy. She had been hoping for a little girl, but we were blessed with another boy.

I'm turning 40 and my wife is 37. I have reached a point in my life where I'm ready to be done changing diapers, but Molly wants to try again for a little girl. I have issues with my back and have a hard time getting to my 5-year-old's level now. I'm afraid if we continue having children, I'll be unable to be the involved dad I want to be.

Am I a bad husband for feeling this way? I don't want Molly to go through life regretting not having the daughter she always wanted, but there is no guarantee it will happen if we decide to try again.

I make a fair living, but with additional mouths to feed come additional financial responsibilities. I'm afraid I won't be able to provide for my growing family as I need to. Am I right in my thinking, or am I being overly cautious? -- STOPPING AT THREE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STOPPING AT THREE: You are thinking clearly. At 37, and with her medical history, your wife would be considered "at risk" if she becomes pregnant again. While I sympathize with the fact that she yearns for a daughter, allow me to share a true story with you:

A man was in a similar situation to yours, but he had four daughters. So he and his wife decided they would try "one more time" for a son. Sure enough, his wife became pregnant. She delivered beautiful identical twin ... daughters. At that point he gave up and had a vasectomy!