DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my girlfriend, "Robin," for four years. She has children from a previous marriage, and their father is fairly active in their lives. I jumped in and have taken the kids to activities, helped with homework and I pay the majority of the bills. I dearly love the children.

My problem is I no longer love their mother. Robin and I are like roommates who share a bed. There is no passion, no joy together and no partnership. I spend my time with the kids or alone. She's with them at different activities or busy on her computer. When I suggest ways we could bond together, she says, "I'm too tired," or "I don't want to do that," or "This is the way it is!"

I have stayed this long only for the kids, but I'm unhappy to the point of aching. I feel guilty about leaving and the strain it will put on the kids. Is there a way to leave a situation like this? Am I a bad man for wanting out and possibly leaving the children to a tougher life? -- UNHAPPY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Because the woman you're living with shows no interest in improving the quality of the relationship, wanting to leave does not make you a bad person. You will have to accept that because the children depend upon you for certain things they will be affected by your departure. It's too bad you didn't consider that before moving in with someone who had a family.

Try to make the breakup as civil as possible. Before you go, talk to each of the children individually. Make it clear that they are not the reason the relationship is ending and that you will always care about them. That way, they won't think they did something bad and blame themselves.

DEAR ABBY: My only daughter, "Claire," who is 25, has always had a strong work ethic. Her boyfriend "Charles" has never held a job, either during college or in the year and a half he has been out of school. They were living with his parents until Claire accepted a one-year job overseas. Charles followed.

Claire's salary isn't great, so I know she has little money saved, but she wants to start planning her wedding when they return. Should I stick with tradition and pay for it or listen to my head, which is telling me I don't want to see her marry Charles until he has held a full-time job for at least a year? I think she can do better, but I suppose she could also do worse. They do seem to love each other. -- HESITANT MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Listen to your head. When Claire returns, let her know that she and her fiance will be paying for the wedding. It will be an introduction to the financial realities she and her husband will encounter after their marriage. Later on, when they're considering buying a home, you can give them the money that might have been spent on the wedding as part of their down payment -- if they are still together.

DEAR ABBY: How do I break up with friends who I love but have nothing in common with anymore? I'm married with a child, but as a new business owner, I don't have time to meet their needs. How do you tell people in a loving way that you have appreciated their friendship in the past, but it's over? We have grown apart. -- DON'T HAVE THE TIME

DEAR DON'T: Is it possible that your feelings are temporary, and that you are simply overwhelmed by the demands of your new business? If so, I'd hate to see you end friendships with people you love. Relationships don't always remain at the same level or have the same intensity. Rather than cut the people off entirely, explain that you can't be as available because you have a new business and don't have the time. It would be kinder.

DEAR ABBY: We have a grown son who is married with his own family and home. He and his wife have jobs. My husband and I are semiretired -- not rich, but we live comfortably. Our credit score is great.

My son wants us to co-sign a loan for him. I know his credit is not good because I get phone calls from collection agents looking for him. We really don't want to co-sign.

How do I explain this to him? I feel that because I'm his mother it obligates me. I am also afraid he will stop letting us see the grandkids if I refuse. -- SCARED OF THE DOTTED LINE

DEAR SCARED: Since debt collectors are calling because your son isn't paying his bills, do not co-sign for a loan for him! If you do, you could wind up having to pay it off yourselves.

Your son is an adult. That you are his mother does not obligate you to assume responsibility in case he doesn't pay his bills. If he retaliates by not allowing you to see the grandkids, so be it. If you knuckle under to emotional blackmail, it won't stop, and it could affect your standard of living for the rest of your lives.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in high school and my daddy just passed away. I want to know why I have so much anger and hurt about this. I feel like he never got to see me reach any of my goals in life. The main goal was to see my graduation.

What is the best way I can get my mind off this? -- YOUNG GIRL IN ALABAMA

DEAR YOUNG GIRL: I am sorry for your loss, which is a particularly difficult one at your age.

It's important that you understand the feelings you are experiencing are normal. Anger is a part of the grieving process, and it may take some time for you to get beyond it.

The best way to "get your mind off this" would be to find a safe place to talk about it. A grief support group would be helpful. Your clergyperson could help you find one and so could your family doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from "Appreciative in Hitchcock, Texas" (June 17) about the importance of sending thank-you notes.

Maybe this will help others: When our three children were young, we had a "note rule." When they received a present, they had five days to write the note. If written within two days, the note only had to be three lines long. On the third day, it was four lines. On the fourth day, five lines. On the fifth day -- the gift went to charity!

None of them ever complained about doing their notes, and it became a habit while growing up. We were proud of each of them when their wedding thank-yous were out within a week! -- STRICT PARENTS IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR STRICT PARENTS: Good for you! You taught your children that there were consequences for shirking responsibility. That's an important lesson because the same is true when they become adults.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering, do you ever read a letter and say to yourself, "If this is all you have to worry about, you're lucky"? -- JEFF IN FORT MCCOY, FLA.

DEAR JEFF: No. I have more respect for my readers than that. However, many people have written me to say that after reading the letters that appear in my column, they felt lucky!

DEAR ABBY: I became sexually active at an extremely young age. I know my whole life would be different, as well as my children's lives, had I just known better. I have a 4-year-old daughter, a 7-year-old son and a 12-year-old stepson. I want desperately to protect them from making the same mistakes I did. I feel like the best way to prevent this is to speak openly about sex.

The closest anyone ever came to speaking to me about sex was my grandfather (of all people!), who gave me a Dear Abby booklet that was written to inform kids about sex. Even though I was embarrassed when he gave it to me and I ran back to my room to hide, I still read the whole thing from front to back. It was interesting, but unfortunately, it was too late. I have always wished I would have been given that booklet a couple of years sooner.

This was about 15 years ago. Is there any chance you know the book I'm talking about and where I could find a few to pass on to my children? Obviously, the family around me were not comfortable speaking of sex. Please know how grateful I am even all this time later that you provided my grandfather with a way to reach out to me. -- GRATEFUL IN HOUSTON

DEAR GRATEFUL: Many parents find the subject of sex a difficult one to raise with their children, so they postpone it. As happened in your case, that discussion often comes after it is too late.

Because children are now maturing at earlier ages, these discussions should be part of an ongoing dialogue that begins before puberty. My booklet is written to help "break the ice" and start the discussion more easily. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. It would be helpful for you to review the booklet again so you can prepare beforehand to answer questions or guide the conversation.

Among the important topics included in my booklet are: "How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant?" "How old must a boy be before he can father a child?" "What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe?" and "Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex?"

Also included is a section on various sexually transmitted diseases and what to do if you think you may have one. This is extremely important because STDs need to be treated right away, and not doing so can have lifelong consequences.

Knowledge is power. The more information children receive, the better they will be prepared for making intelligent, informed decisions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away 10 weeks ago. I plan on wearing my wedding ring for the remainder of my life. Your opinion would be appreciated. -- GRIEVING WIDOW IN TEXAS

DEAR GRIEVING WIDOW: Allow me to offer my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Because the ring brings you comfort, you may wear it as long as you wish.