DEAR ABBY: Am I being selfish? My next-door neighbor (who is a friend) knew we had bought an expensive vacuum cleaner last year. She asked if she could try it out on her carpet and I agreed, thinking it would be a one-time favor. I should add that she watches our house and our cat when we're traveling, and we do likewise for her.

She recently asked if she could borrow it again, and I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to let her, so I made an excuse that I needed to buy more vacuum bags. I suspect that she "borrowed" it again without my permission two months ago while we were away because the cord wasn't like I had left it.

How can I tactfully handle this situation? She's on a tight budget and can't afford to buy this particular vacuum herself. -- AM I SELFISH?

DEAR AM I SELFISH?: Rather than label you selfish, I'd prefer to call you "stuck." You allowed your friend to use the vacuum once and have given her free run of your home in your absence. Because she has used the vacuum again without your permission, she is likely to do it again.

If you're afraid of the "ick" factor of having "her" dust in your house, you'll have to tell her plainly that you don't want her to use the vacuum and probably find another house sitter. Or, knowing she's short of money, you might let her use the vacuum but suggest that when she uses one of your bags she buy some of her own and replace the one she used with a fresh one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old woman who recently got over a bout of compulsive hair-pulling that left the top of my head bald. The hair hasn't completely grown back yet, so I refuse to go anywhere without a hat.

When I'm out in public, people often tell me it's rude to wear a hat indoors. While I understand this, my hair is a sensitive subject that reduces me to tears. What can I say to people when they continue to badger me? -- COVERED UP IN GEORGIA

DEAR COVERED UP: Point out that it is even more rude to criticize someone's attire when the person may have a legitimate reason for dressing that way. You should also talk with a hairstylist about buying an inexpensive hairpiece to wear until your hair grows back. That may curtail some of the unsolicited comments you're receiving.

DEAR ABBY: My mother refuses to get a cellphone. I know she isn't afraid of technology (she has a tablet and an e-reader). Her explanation for how to handle an emergency is: "We will handle it like we did before there were cellphones." I had to remind her of the limited availability of pay phones or courtesy phones nowadays.

Abby, it bothers me that she chooses not to have one. I find it hurtful that an easy way to handle family emergencies is being ignored. It's a simple solution. A prepaid cellphone with a big-numbered keyboard would be a good way for us to be on the same page. Any advice? -- OUT OF TOUCH IN GLENS FALLS, N.Y.

DEAR OUT OF TOUCH: Yes. Stop nagging your mother because it's not working. Experience is the most effective teacher. Your mother will not appreciate what a blessing a cellphone can be until she learns the hard way what it's like to need one and not have one. This may seem negative, but it's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: My family has had our dog "Pouncer" for 10 years. He was originally bought to be a "family" dog, but I am the one who feeds and takes care of him. Because of that he sleeps with me and licks and obeys only me.

When I say Pouncer is my dog, the rest of my family chews me out and insists he is the family's dog, not mine. Don't you think I have the right to call him my dog? -- WILLIE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WILLIE: I think this is less a question about ownership than it is about tact. Because you are the one who feeds and takes care of Pouncer, and he sleeps with you and obeys only you -- in that sense, he is your dog. But unless you are the only one paying for his food and veterinary bills and the roof over his head, Pouncer is also the family's dog. Remember that and you'll get chewed out less often.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married more than 20 years. Her best friend from childhood, "Jill," and her husband, "Jack," are two of our closest friends.

On a recent visit to their home in another state, Jack made a pass at my wife. He said he'd always had a crush on her and asked her to go to our hotel room and have sex while the rest of us were at an amusement park. She refused.

We cut our vacation short and left for home immediately. She told me about it after we got home, concerned that if she said anything while we were there, a confrontation would have ensued. To date, Jill knows nothing about what occurred.

My wife asked me not to say anything until she decides what to do. She's concerned that if she tells Jill, the friendship will be over. On the other hand, if nothing is said, she will be hiding a guilty secret from Jill, which will probably damage the friendship.

Should my wife tell her friend? Should I call Jack and confront him one-on-one? Or should we do nothing? -- UPSET HUSBAND IN NEW YORK

DEAR UPSET HUSBAND: The friendship has already been damaged thanks to the husband's inappropriate behavior. What you and your wife must now decide is whether he has caused a permanent estrangement.

If you both agree you can look beyond his boorish lapse in light of the length of the long friendship, then by all means call Jack and tell him how you feel about what he did. And when you do, make it plain that if it happens again, you and your wife will discuss it with Jill together.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and brothers and I don't speak and haven't in five years. When I pass, I have a list of people who will be welcome at my services. If someone's name is not on the list, they will be asked to leave. I want my children and some of my grandchildren there, but no one else. Do you think I am wrong? -- TROUBLED IN TEXAS

DEAR TROUBLED: No, I don't. Your wishes are your wishes. However, it is sad when families feud and, at the end, things that should be said are left unspoken.

One would hope that anyone who comes to your funeral would be there to support your children and grandchildren, or to pay last respects. I think it would be rude to ask someone who came to leave. A better way to handle it would be to specify in the funeral announcement that services will be for "your children only" and for further information people should contact a person you designate to carry out your wishes.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my girlfriend, "Robin," for four years. She has children from a previous marriage, and their father is fairly active in their lives. I jumped in and have taken the kids to activities, helped with homework and I pay the majority of the bills. I dearly love the children.

My problem is I no longer love their mother. Robin and I are like roommates who share a bed. There is no passion, no joy together and no partnership. I spend my time with the kids or alone. She's with them at different activities or busy on her computer. When I suggest ways we could bond together, she says, "I'm too tired," or "I don't want to do that," or "This is the way it is!"

I have stayed this long only for the kids, but I'm unhappy to the point of aching. I feel guilty about leaving and the strain it will put on the kids. Is there a way to leave a situation like this? Am I a bad man for wanting out and possibly leaving the children to a tougher life? -- UNHAPPY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Because the woman you're living with shows no interest in improving the quality of the relationship, wanting to leave does not make you a bad person. You will have to accept that because the children depend upon you for certain things they will be affected by your departure. It's too bad you didn't consider that before moving in with someone who had a family.

Try to make the breakup as civil as possible. Before you go, talk to each of the children individually. Make it clear that they are not the reason the relationship is ending and that you will always care about them. That way, they won't think they did something bad and blame themselves.

DEAR ABBY: My only daughter, "Claire," who is 25, has always had a strong work ethic. Her boyfriend "Charles" has never held a job, either during college or in the year and a half he has been out of school. They were living with his parents until Claire accepted a one-year job overseas. Charles followed.

Claire's salary isn't great, so I know she has little money saved, but she wants to start planning her wedding when they return. Should I stick with tradition and pay for it or listen to my head, which is telling me I don't want to see her marry Charles until he has held a full-time job for at least a year? I think she can do better, but I suppose she could also do worse. They do seem to love each other. -- HESITANT MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Listen to your head. When Claire returns, let her know that she and her fiance will be paying for the wedding. It will be an introduction to the financial realities she and her husband will encounter after their marriage. Later on, when they're considering buying a home, you can give them the money that might have been spent on the wedding as part of their down payment -- if they are still together.

DEAR ABBY: How do I break up with friends who I love but have nothing in common with anymore? I'm married with a child, but as a new business owner, I don't have time to meet their needs. How do you tell people in a loving way that you have appreciated their friendship in the past, but it's over? We have grown apart. -- DON'T HAVE THE TIME

DEAR DON'T: Is it possible that your feelings are temporary, and that you are simply overwhelmed by the demands of your new business? If so, I'd hate to see you end friendships with people you love. Relationships don't always remain at the same level or have the same intensity. Rather than cut the people off entirely, explain that you can't be as available because you have a new business and don't have the time. It would be kinder.