DEAR ABBY: My husband retired and we thought we were fulfilling our lifetime dream when we moved to the beach, but our dream has turned into a nightmare. Our family never wanted to visit us this often before.

When they come, no one even brings along so much as a bottle of water. My grocery bill has skyrocketed, and I'm sick of playing the role of cook and maid while they have a wonderful time.

I'm ready to move back to our hometown. At least there I had a life besides cooking and cleaning. My husband wants to live here because it's his dream, but I can't take another year of this. The workload is killing me.

I have been a fool for putting up with everyone having a carefree vacation at my expense. I'm so angry I'm ready to leave my husband with his dream. The last three years have been hell. When friends and family ask why I left, should I tell them, or keep my mouth shut and build a peaceful life by myself? -- RUNNING FOR MY LIFE

DEAR RUNNING: Leaving your husband is not the solution. Telling the individuals who are taking advantage of your hospitality that the rules have changed is. Set rules before guests arrive. If it's not convenient for you to entertain, speak up and say so when the relatives call to say they're coming. Make it clear that they will be doing their own laundry, buying their own groceries, etc.

And while you're at it, understand that the reason this has gotten out of hand is partly your husband's fault. He's retired; he can lend a hand.

The Good Lord gave you the gift of speech. For the sake of your sanity and your marriage, I'm suggesting you use it.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, I was in a relationship with a man I thought was my soul mate. (I'll call him Louis.) We were together for two years and had planned on getting married right after college. Louis ended up breaking the engagement and six months later married another woman. I was shocked and heartbroken. We went our separate ways.

Louis contacted me recently. He apologized for the past and said he was out of his mind for losing me. He also said he was recently divorced and wants to see me to "catch up."

I have healed from the heartache and moved on, but I am not currently in a relationship. I am content with my life. The problem is, my curiosity and my heart are tripping me up. I'm wary of falling back in love with Louis and don't want to reopen any old wounds.

What do you think, Abby? Should I meet him and see what happens, or let the past stay where it is? -- OVER HIM? IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVER HIM?: Louis may be a cad -- or he may have become more mature in the last seven years. Because you are curious, I think you should go. But if he starts wooing you again, do not get serious unless you have had couples counseling. It's important that you clearly understand what went wrong in your romance the first time so it doesn't happen again.

DEAR ABBY: Am I being selfish? My next-door neighbor (who is a friend) knew we had bought an expensive vacuum cleaner last year. She asked if she could try it out on her carpet and I agreed, thinking it would be a one-time favor. I should add that she watches our house and our cat when we're traveling, and we do likewise for her.

She recently asked if she could borrow it again, and I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to let her, so I made an excuse that I needed to buy more vacuum bags. I suspect that she "borrowed" it again without my permission two months ago while we were away because the cord wasn't like I had left it.

How can I tactfully handle this situation? She's on a tight budget and can't afford to buy this particular vacuum herself. -- AM I SELFISH?

DEAR AM I SELFISH?: Rather than label you selfish, I'd prefer to call you "stuck." You allowed your friend to use the vacuum once and have given her free run of your home in your absence. Because she has used the vacuum again without your permission, she is likely to do it again.

If you're afraid of the "ick" factor of having "her" dust in your house, you'll have to tell her plainly that you don't want her to use the vacuum and probably find another house sitter. Or, knowing she's short of money, you might let her use the vacuum but suggest that when she uses one of your bags she buy some of her own and replace the one she used with a fresh one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old woman who recently got over a bout of compulsive hair-pulling that left the top of my head bald. The hair hasn't completely grown back yet, so I refuse to go anywhere without a hat.

When I'm out in public, people often tell me it's rude to wear a hat indoors. While I understand this, my hair is a sensitive subject that reduces me to tears. What can I say to people when they continue to badger me? -- COVERED UP IN GEORGIA

DEAR COVERED UP: Point out that it is even more rude to criticize someone's attire when the person may have a legitimate reason for dressing that way. You should also talk with a hairstylist about buying an inexpensive hairpiece to wear until your hair grows back. That may curtail some of the unsolicited comments you're receiving.

DEAR ABBY: My mother refuses to get a cellphone. I know she isn't afraid of technology (she has a tablet and an e-reader). Her explanation for how to handle an emergency is: "We will handle it like we did before there were cellphones." I had to remind her of the limited availability of pay phones or courtesy phones nowadays.

Abby, it bothers me that she chooses not to have one. I find it hurtful that an easy way to handle family emergencies is being ignored. It's a simple solution. A prepaid cellphone with a big-numbered keyboard would be a good way for us to be on the same page. Any advice? -- OUT OF TOUCH IN GLENS FALLS, N.Y.

DEAR OUT OF TOUCH: Yes. Stop nagging your mother because it's not working. Experience is the most effective teacher. Your mother will not appreciate what a blessing a cellphone can be until she learns the hard way what it's like to need one and not have one. This may seem negative, but it's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: My family has had our dog "Pouncer" for 10 years. He was originally bought to be a "family" dog, but I am the one who feeds and takes care of him. Because of that he sleeps with me and licks and obeys only me.

When I say Pouncer is my dog, the rest of my family chews me out and insists he is the family's dog, not mine. Don't you think I have the right to call him my dog? -- WILLIE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WILLIE: I think this is less a question about ownership than it is about tact. Because you are the one who feeds and takes care of Pouncer, and he sleeps with you and obeys only you -- in that sense, he is your dog. But unless you are the only one paying for his food and veterinary bills and the roof over his head, Pouncer is also the family's dog. Remember that and you'll get chewed out less often.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married more than 20 years. Her best friend from childhood, "Jill," and her husband, "Jack," are two of our closest friends.

On a recent visit to their home in another state, Jack made a pass at my wife. He said he'd always had a crush on her and asked her to go to our hotel room and have sex while the rest of us were at an amusement park. She refused.

We cut our vacation short and left for home immediately. She told me about it after we got home, concerned that if she said anything while we were there, a confrontation would have ensued. To date, Jill knows nothing about what occurred.

My wife asked me not to say anything until she decides what to do. She's concerned that if she tells Jill, the friendship will be over. On the other hand, if nothing is said, she will be hiding a guilty secret from Jill, which will probably damage the friendship.

Should my wife tell her friend? Should I call Jack and confront him one-on-one? Or should we do nothing? -- UPSET HUSBAND IN NEW YORK

DEAR UPSET HUSBAND: The friendship has already been damaged thanks to the husband's inappropriate behavior. What you and your wife must now decide is whether he has caused a permanent estrangement.

If you both agree you can look beyond his boorish lapse in light of the length of the long friendship, then by all means call Jack and tell him how you feel about what he did. And when you do, make it plain that if it happens again, you and your wife will discuss it with Jill together.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters and brothers and I don't speak and haven't in five years. When I pass, I have a list of people who will be welcome at my services. If someone's name is not on the list, they will be asked to leave. I want my children and some of my grandchildren there, but no one else. Do you think I am wrong? -- TROUBLED IN TEXAS

DEAR TROUBLED: No, I don't. Your wishes are your wishes. However, it is sad when families feud and, at the end, things that should be said are left unspoken.

One would hope that anyone who comes to your funeral would be there to support your children and grandchildren, or to pay last respects. I think it would be rude to ask someone who came to leave. A better way to handle it would be to specify in the funeral announcement that services will be for "your children only" and for further information people should contact a person you designate to carry out your wishes.