DEAR ABBY: My daughter was married recently and has been sending out her thank-you notes. When she checked her registry to determine if all her gifts had been accounted for, she saw that her stepbrother and his wife purchased a gift, but it was not mailed by the department store.

We're assuming that it was brought to the wedding, but it's nowhere to be found. How can we resolve this delicate situation? She wants to tell her sister-in-law, but she is concerned it might have been an oversight and be embarrassing. She plans to contact the wedding venue, but it has been three weeks and you'd think if something had been left behind that they would have contacted her. We are also going to check with the friends who packed up the cars. Any other ideas? -- STEVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR STEVE: Because your daughter knows a gift was purchased by her stepbrother and his wife, she should ask them how it was to be delivered because it might have been lost en route. Such things have been known to happen, which is why it is always wise to request that a merchant provide proof of delivery. That way the recipient signs for the package, and everyone is assured it didn't "fall off the truck."

I doubt the stepbrother and his wife, having gone to the expense of buying something, would have forgotten to give it to your daughter. I also doubt the couple who packed up the gifts would have overlooked one. As to the venue where the wedding was held, one would think that if a package had been left behind they would contact the family that rented the place, if only to protect their reputation.

DEAR ABBY: We recently moved to another neighborhood. Most of the residents are elderly. Our closest neighbors are a very nice couple in their 70s. We've gotten along well, but a problem has arisen and I'm not sure how to handle it.

I am a keen do-it-yourself enthusiast. When I get home from work at 2 p.m., I love to go into my workshop and work on one of the many projects I always have going. I'll do this for a couple of hours until my wife and kids get home. I admit, it probably gets a bit noisy with all the power tools, hammers, etc., and I usually leave the door open to let some air in.

My neighbor approached me today and told me his wife usually naps from 2 to 4 every afternoon, and the noise I make is disturbing her. Until he told me that, I had no idea their downstairs bedroom is only a few feet from our communal fence. (My workshop is right up against the fence.)

Would it be rude to suggest she find another time to nap or maybe sleep in another room? I can't imagine having to sit around and waste time every afternoon waiting for her to finish her nap, especially since she has most of the day to nap while I'm at work. This doesn't seem fair to me. My wife thinks I'm being a bit hard, so we agreed to accept your opinion on this. -- D.I.Y. GUY

DEAR D.I.Y. GUY: I'm pretty sure your neighbor's wife takes her naps at the time of day when she needs one, and she would be unable to adjust her sleep schedule to accommodate you. However, your idea of suggesting she try sleeping in another part of the house so she won't be disturbed is a good one.

Or you might agree to a compromise so she starts her mid-day rest period a little earlier, and you start your projects a little later. That way you would both get what you need.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and it has been wonderful. He's amazing and sweet.

We went to the movies for our anniversary and about 50 minutes into it, he turned to me, said he didn't like the movie and he wanted to leave. I was enjoying it, but I didn't want to force him to watch it, so we left. When we were out of the theater I asked him why he didn't like it, and he told me he didn't want to discuss it. I pressured him for an answer a little bit, but he told me to forget it.

This has been bugging me. Should I leave it alone? I understand it's not that big a deal, but he has done this a few times before -- not explaining things when I ask. I am confused about why he won't tell me. -- PUZZLED IN THE MULTIPLEX

DEAR PUZZLED: There may have been something in the movie that made your boyfriend uncomfortable. Perhaps it triggered a memory of something in his past that he didn't want to be reminded of. Or, he may have been bored by the film and so centered on himself that he didn't care that you were enjoying it.

Your boyfriend may be wonderful and amazing, but he also appears to be a poor communicator. This would be a deal-breaker with some women. Only he can tell you why he's this way, but if he hasn't opened up in the year you have been seeing each other, it isn't likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has erectile dysfunction for which he takes medication. He gets it from a friend. I have discovered he takes the medication with him when he travels. He swears he isn't cheating on me and that he's faithful. Should I believe him? -- SUSPICIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I confess, my knee-jerk reaction after reading your letter was, "Uh-oh!" Then I picked up the phone and called Bruce Landres, M.D., in Los Angeles. His first words were, "That's an interesting question." He then went on to say that if your husband has prostate problems in addition to his erectile dysfunction, you should believe him, because last October the FDA approved a low dose of one particular E.D. drug for the treatment of benign prostate hypertrophy (BPH). (This low dose is not enough to assist in infidelity.)

You should discuss this further with your husband because it would be much safer for him to get this kind of medication from his physician, who knows his medical history, since E.D. drugs can sometimes cause serious side effects.

P.S. Another thought: It's also possible your husband watches adult videos when he travels and needs "the pill" for his own entertainment. You'll never know unless you ask him.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law passed away five months ago. I was given the option of taking a winter coat of hers, which I gladly accepted. When would it be appropriate to wear it around my husband's family? -- STILL MOURNING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STILL MOURNING: I'm sorry for your loss. The time to wear the coat would be when the temperature drops enough that you feel you need it. And when you do, if someone should recognize it and comment, just say you are wearing her coat because it helps you feel closer to her; it's like a warm hug from heaven.

DEAR ABBY: I was a single mom for most of my teenagers' lives. We have never been financially stable, and lately things have hit an all-time low.

I am prone to bouts of depression. I remarried last year, and my husband unfortunately does not understand or tolerate the depressions. He feels I should just "get over" things. He also doesn't believe in anti-depressants. It got so bad I attempted suicide last weekend.

My husband said my doing that was abusive to him. Had the pills I took not made me throw up, I would have happily waited to die.

There are six people on my medical aid, and the available funds are more than half used up. For me to see a psychiatrist will take a huge chunk out of it. I am caught between a rock and a hard place. If I do it, my family will miss out on medical care should the need arise later in the year. Is it selfish to try to hang onto what is left of my sanity? -- ON THE EDGE IN JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA

DEAR ON THE EDGE: That your husband chooses not to recognize that depression is an illness -- one that's treatable -- is a reflection of his ignorance. That he would tell you your attempted suicide was abusive to him suggests that he is more concerned with himself than he is with you.

You have teenage children who need their mother. Trying to hang onto what's left of your sanity and get the medications you need isn't selfish -- it's sound thinking. If not for your sake, please seek help now for theirs.

DEAR ABBY: I'm pregnant with my first child and live 800 miles from my parents, who are retired. We have a good relationship now, but growing up I had major emotional issues my parents didn't handle well. Years of therapy in my early adulthood helped to fix them.

My parents have just told me they have been approved to be foster parents and will be caring for an emotionally disturbed teenager soon. While I know I should be happy for them, I'm extremely upset. I feel they were ill-equipped to handle my emotional issues growing up, and they should be more concerned with their grandchildren in retirement than taking in strangers.

When I heard the news, I tried my best to sound supportive, but they could tell I was upset. How can I handle these feelings? Would it be beneficial to tell them how I feel? -- MOMMY-TO-BE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR MOMMY-TO-BE: A way to handle your feelings would be to view the situation from the perspective of an adult, not a jealous child. That your parents will foster this teenager doesn't mean they will love their grandchildren any less.

On some level they may be trying to make up for the mistakes they made in your upbringing. Because they were ill-equipped to recognize your emotional problems does not mean they won't be wiser now. I suggest you wait to discuss this with them until you're feeling less resentful.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl trying to live a simple life. I read your column every day. I have one small question. I really wanna know why girls don't like each other that much. Many girls at my school are really mean. I wish I knew the answer to why girls are like that. Do you know why? -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Girls your age are mean to other girls for a variety of reasons. Some o£ them may be acting out because they are having problems at home. They may do it because they are jealous or to make themselves feel more important (a power trip).

Girls like this have never been taught to respect the feelings of others. They behave this way because they haven't matured enough to have developed empathy, an ability to be sensitive to the feelings of those they are hurting.