DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Allison," and I have been in a relationship for two years. We met in our sophomore year of high school and have been dating ever since. We have an incredible relationship.

We were virgins when we started dating, but decided we would lose our virginity to each other. We have always used birth control pills and condoms to ensure we wouldn't be having any children.

Earlier this month we had a pregnancy scare. Allison had failed to tell me she stopped taking her birth control pills three months ago. My trust was broken, but most of all I was scared she might be pregnant. It turned out she wasn't, but because of the incident I have been skeptical about making love to her. She says this frustrates her, but I have told her the reason I won't is because she refuses to take the pill.

Abby, we are way too young to have a child and are totally unprepared. I'd still like to be intimate with Allison, but I'm afraid. What should I do? -- BETRAYED IN BANGOR, MAINE

DEAR BETRAYED: You appear to be an intelligent and responsible young man. The first thing you should do is thank your higher power that there wasn't an "accident" and your girlfriend didn't become pregnant.

The next thing you should do is find out why Allison would stop taking her birth control pills without telling you. If there was a medical reason, there are other methods she could have used in their place. (If you are planning to attend college, she may have been thinking a baby would "anchor" you to her.)

And last, recognize that if you resume having sex with her -- which I emphatically don't recommend -- that you won't be able to trust her as far as birth control is concerned, and you will be the one totally responsible for preventing a pregnancy.

The saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me," applies here.

DEAR ABBY: I would like your opinion on the relatively new craze of trashing the wedding dress. I think it's a deplorable waste. I'm sorry I kept mine and watched it yellow over the years, but I haven't heard a reasonable argument for destroying the gown.

Some women say if they have a daughter, she wouldn't want a dated dress. But if the dress is currently in style, I'm sure some less fortunate girl would love to have it. Rather than trash it, I say why not donate the dress or sell it and send the money to a woman's charity? -- SENSIBLE IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR SENSIBLE: The only rational reason I can think of for "trashing" a wedding dress would be if the marriage was a disaster and the bride was doing it as a way of venting her anger. I can't speak for all young women, but I am willing to bet that many would be thrilled to wear the gown their mother wore. And for those who aren't interested or can't fit into it, your idea of recycling is compassionate, generous and sensible.

DEAR ABBY: My husband refuses to cover his mouth when he sneezes. He thinks that by "stifling" his sneeze he doesn't expel any particles. Besides being unhealthy, I feel it is gross for the rest of us. Is it possible to sneeze and not spray? -- DUCKING FOR SHELTER IN OHIO

DEAR DUCKING: No. Some sneezes can travel up to a distance of 5 feet, expelling thousands of droplets into the air and onto surfaces. "Stifle" or not, your husband should cover his mouth.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the print center of an office supply store. Often when parents of small children come in to get copies made, they'll sit their babies/toddlers on the counter while we discuss their needs. Sometimes these children have dirty diapers.

While I am not a parent, I do understand that small children have a tendency to run off or otherwise misbehave if they are left standing. But sitting children on the counter strikes me as unsanitary and unsafe.

Would it be appropriate to ask these parents to remove their children from the counter? Because my workplace is geared toward satisfying the customer, I worry about offending a customer and displeasing management. I haven't said anything so far, but this is really getting to me. -- DISGUSTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISGUSTED: After reading your letter, I confess that my first impulse was to gag. The idea of a child in a soiled diaper sitting on a counter in a place of business is, indeed, disgusting. You would be doing your employer a favor to suggest that if a child should fall off the counter, there could be liability involved.

Tell the customer that for the child's safety to please remove him/her from the counter. And if the child has a dirty diaper, make sure you have a large supply of sanitary wipes on hand so staff and customers will be protected from the bacteria.

DEAR ABBY: After years of enduring overdraft charges and dodging bill collectors, I have finally gotten my financial house in order. I pay all of my bills, and I pay them on time. However, I have very little money left over at the end of the week.

Many of my friends have two-income households or use credit cards when they go out to eat or to the movies, which is often. I want them to know that because I decline their invitations does not mean I'm anti-social -- I just can't afford it. I have said so at times, but I hate to be a broken record.

Friends: Please know that I appreciate being invited, but don't be offended when I am unable to join you. -- ON TRACK BUT STILL BROKE IN MAINE

DEAR ON TRACK: I congratulate you for straightening out your finances. It's not always easy to do, and breaking ingrained habits can be a challenge.

The next step in your "recovery" is to keep reminding your free-spending friends that while you'd like to join them, you are not always able to do so. If you repeat it often enough, eventually they will get the message. It would be better if they hear it directly from you rather than read it in my column.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbors borrow my lawnmower every summer to mow their lawns. It broke down, and I had to purchase a new one.

The dealer told me not to loan it to anyone because they pushed the old one over sticks and stones and destroyed the blades. How do I tell them to buy their own mowers? My new one is expensive. -- AGAINST MOWER-MOOCHERS

DEAR A.M-M.: Here's how: Keep uppermost in your mind that it is perfectly all right to advocate for yourself. Then tell your mower-mooching neighbors that after what happened to the last one, you are no longer loaning your mower to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother made the decision to move to an assisted-living facility two years ago. She left most of her belongings in her farmhouse, which has sat empty since then. Her health is fine, so she should be around for many years. It has already been decided that my dad will inherit the house, but he doesn't want to live there anytime soon because of the location. (It's way out in the country.)

I'm afraid the house is going to become unlivable if it sits for years without utilities or anyone taking care of it. Dad mows the grass, but that's about it, and all of Grandma's belongings are collecting dead flies. Nobody seems to care but me. Dad has three siblings, and between them there are nine grandchildren. How do I get my family to take care of Grandma's house? -- CONSCIENTIOUS IN KANSAS CITY, KAN.

DEAR CONSCIENTIOUS: Your father may be inheriting the house, but is he also inheriting all of the contents? If the answer is no, there should be a family discussion about the disposition of the furniture, clothing, linens and any possible heirloom items.

I agree with you that nothing good can happen to the house if no one is paying attention. It's an invitation to theft or vandalism. The house should be cleaned and dusted. The furniture should be covered with sheets to keep it as free of dust as possible. Someone should check the place at least once a month.

If no one else in the family is willing to step up to the plate and help out, because you are conscientious, it looks like you're elected. If it's too much for you, perhaps a caretaker could be hired to watch over, or possibly live in, the house.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Joe," is 19, a high school graduate living at home with his dad and me until he leaves for college next year. He will be paying his tuition, and we are charging him a token rent ($100/month) while he's not in school. He eats dinner with us most nights, and I usually do his laundry. He has a part-time job.

This has been working out fine except for one thing. Joe has a longtime girlfriend, and he has been spending some nights at her house. (She lives alone.) We haven't forbidden this because he's an adult, and I worry that if we say no he will move in with her. However, we are not comfortable with his spending nights there.

Part of our objection is we don't like the example it sets for his 13-year-old sister, but aside from that we don't think it's a good idea, although we can't say why. We know they're sexually active regardless of who sleeps where. Are we old-fashioned, or is it reasonable to ask him not to spend the whole night with his girlfriend? -- OLD-SCHOOL PARENT

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: Because you have misgivings about your son spending the night at his girlfriend's, you and your husband should talk to him about it together. Although he is an adult, I agree that what's going on sends a wrong message to his younger sister who, unless you talk to her about your family values, will think this is acceptable.

You should also take time to think through why you are uneasy about what your son is doing. If it has anything to do with worry about an unplanned pregnancy, your husband might be able to get through to him better than you can. If he intends to complete his college education, becoming a father could slow him down, if not end it.