DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s and have been with my boyfriend for more than two years. We are serious, having lived together for a year, and we discuss marriage often. We make all our major decisions and purchases together and are generally very happy.

The problem arises when his children from a previous relationship are around (he shares custody with his ex). I am overwhelmed by them. They are very needy and have some minor manner problems. I am uncomfortable with all the attention they demand of me. They are literally always in my space, trying to sit on my lap or show me something, etc. It gets to the point where I just want to get away. Sometimes they're OK and we have some fun, but it's the downtime at home that is annoying.

I am ashamed writing this, but I need some advice because the kids are obviously not going away. Will they grow out of this? It's making me question if I can remain in the relationship. -- BOTHERED IN BUFFALO

DEAR BOTHERED: You need an attitude adjustment. I don't think you realize what a compliment it is that the children compete for your attention and want to be close to you. A way to deal with this could be to arrange to have one-on-one time with each child while your boyfriend spends time with the others. It is very important that they spend quality time with their father.

If you and he agree that their manners need tweaking, it shouldn't be too difficult to set a good example, and praise and reward them as they improve. When they grow older, they will develop interests of their own and be less needy. But for now, it is important you work on being patient, show the children you care about them -- and let your boyfriend know when you need a timeout. Everyone does.

DEAR ABBY: My 26-year-old son has been going with a 23-year-old woman off and on for a year and a half. He has tried to break off the relationship several times. Last weekend she played the "I'll kill myself" card when he told her he wanted to move on.

I take any threat of suicide seriously. However, she is holding this over his head. I need the right words to use to talk to him about her threat. -- FEELING LOST IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING LOST: The woman is trying to manipulate your son using emotional blackmail. He should not attempt to "rescue" her by continuing to see her. During their next conversation, he should let her know the personal responsibility for her well-being is hers and hers alone, and he wants no part of it. If he feels she is truly a danger to herself, he should notify her family so they can help her get the psychological help she needs.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please tell me what women are looking for? I keep being told that they feel so "safe" with me, it's like dating their brother. They know I won't force them into doing anything they don't want to do. -- PUZZLED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR PUZZLED: It looks like the women you're asking out may have been dating men who forced them into doing things they didn't want, or may be trying to tell you politely that their interest in you is only platonic.

It's time to ask some married friends what is causing women to react to you this way. Having been through the dating scene, they should be able to give you some helpful input.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how you can help me, but I'd appreciate some input. I'm in my 50s and retired from the military.

As a young man, I was so shy I couldn't speak to girls. I joined the military early and came out of my shell, but the demands of military life made it hard for me to meet or date anyone. Most of my adult life in the service has been spent taking care of soldiers' emotional, financial and professional needs so they could do their jobs.

I can't seem to convince women to date me. They say I "have no relationship history" so I don't know how to compromise or share. I can change my wardrobe, I can lose some weight, but I can't change my "history." What on earth do I say or do to convince women (both online and offline) to take a chance with me? I just want a chance to meet a special someone. Please help me. -- FRUSTRATED IN TEXAS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are the second longtime bachelor who has asked me this question in the last several weeks! I don't know what pop psychologist came up with the thesis that never-married men are to be avoided. If anything, your letter shows how dangerous it is to make blanket generalizations.

A man like you has much to offer. You are stable, have no bitter ex-wives who will interfere in a relationship, no children who are still trying to "find" themselves or tell you they hate your lady friends, and no alimony. I assume you are financially secure, and after a life in the military, have taken care of yourself physically.

Perhaps you should mention this to the next woman who tells you she doesn't want to date you because you have no "history." You should not hesitate to post your single status on your profile. Intelligent women will want to meet you, get to know you, and be willing to help you create a history together. And those women who aren't willing aren't worth your time.

DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Kevin," and I have been together for 12 years. Although we have a close and loving relationship, one major sticking point has dogged us from early on.

I am 19 years younger than Kevin and very outgoing. I enjoy spending time with friends and socializing. I understand that when one is in a relationship, time spent with friends is reduced. However, if I become friends with someone, Kevin will find something wrong with the person, make unkind comments about them to me and make me feel guilty for wanting to be with them. It could be the person is too loud, too opinionated, has different eating habits than his, etc.

The friend's gender or sexual orientation has no bearing. I have had to forgo friendships over the years because it's just easier to do that than to argue. I love being with Kevin, but I'm not sure what I can do to resolve this challenge. He doesn't feel a need to change. What should I do? -- "DAN" IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR "DAN": Start by recognizing that what Kevin is doing may be a reflection of his insecurity. The more time you spend with someone else, the less you spend with him. He doesn't feel a need to change because his nitpicking has been successful in diverting you from these friendships.

Try this: The next time you become friendly with someone and Kevin starts putting the person down, don't take the bait. Tell him he's entitled to his opinion and if he'd like to join you, he is welcome. If not, you'll see him later. It may help you to establish some independence. Mature adults can do that and still have a healthy relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter you printed from "Somewhere in the South" (May 26) who heard someone confess to a crime he had committed at age 12 during one of his Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings. The person asked if he should go to the police. You advised him to talk about it to the "group leader."

Abby, in a 12-step program, there is no formal leader who has a responsibility to report anything to the authorities. There are usually discussion groups led by someone chosen for the night.

I am not condoning what the person did at that young age. It was a horrible act. But 12-step programs are based on anonymity. Reporting what is heard at meetings is completely against what 12-step meetings are all about. It was unfair of you to place responsibility on someone who is there for his own addiction to tell on another group member. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I received a ton of criticism for my response to that letter. Readers like you wrote to point out that I was misinformed about how these programs work; others berated me for not insisting the writer notify the police immediately.

I was -- and still am -- of two minds on the question. While it would be satisfying to see "justice done," I could not bring myself to recommend going against the principle upon which these 12-step programs that have helped thousands of people is based. Another principle of these programs is that people who have hurt others must make amends for what they have done. However, this is the responsibility of the person who committed the crime -- not someone who overheard mention of it at a meeting. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a member of NA for 26-plus years (drug- and alcohol-free for that entire time). I also work in the field of mental health, where I have certain reporting duties as part of my professional code of ethics. I learned long ago how to separate my professional responsibilities from my membership in NA. If I obtain information about abuse or neglect in the conduct of my profession, then I have a duty to act. Should I overhear something at a meeting, in the mall or some other social setting, I have no specific duty to report. -- CLEAN, FREE AND LIVING LIFE

DEAR ABBY: As a 30-year member, I can say with certainty that some meeting attendees are grandiose and others are mentally ill. I have not infrequently heard disclosures that I later determined to be not true. The advice for members offered by our NA traditions is, "Take what you can use (in one's own recovery) and leave the rest of what one hears at a meeting." -- CHARLES IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your answer to that letter! Yes, this needs to be reported. If the victim died in that incident, it is a cold case and the boy's parents -- if they are still alive -- would have never had closure. There may be siblings who would want to know what happened to their brother.

I am not a believer that if you confess to murder in NA, AA or with a priest in a confessional that they are bound not to tell. That is hogwash! For some crimes I would say OK, but not something this serious. -- JIM R., LANCASTER, CALIF.