DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of four years, "Joey," is a kind and loving person. Recently the father of one of his close childhood friends died. We live a plane ride away, and Joey could not get time off work to attend the services.

I assumed Joey called his friend and family to extend his sympathies. During our last visit home, I found out he had not reached out to them. I'm upset that he didn't, and I know the friend was deeply hurt by it.

At this point, what can Joey do to make things right? Why wouldn't he make the call in the first place? -- SMOOTHING IT OVER IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SMOOTHING IT OVER: Joey may not have reached out because he didn't know what to do, which would have been to call and extend his condolences or send a card or handwritten note. He may have procrastinated because he didn't know what to say and was afraid he'd say the wrong thing.

The way to fix this would be for Joey to pick up the phone, apologize to his friend for not calling sooner, and confess that he knows he was wrong for not doing so. All he needs to say after that is that he's sorry for his friend's loss, which he knows must have been painful. Then he should be quiet and listen.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law allows her 2-year-old daughter to run around naked before bath time and at other times. They have been visiting us, and there are also other people in the house and yard. The child's mom tells her to say, "Look at these buns!" and laughs.

We feel this is inappropriate and dangerous. How can we get through to her that it's not right? -- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR GRANDMA: While I don't think that allowing a child to run around nude at home is dangerous, I do agree that encouraging a child to run naked and say, "Look at these buns!" is unwise. The response it brings ("Ha, ha, ha -- isn't she cute!") teaches the little girl that this is a way to get attention. While this may be amusing at 2, it is setting a pattern that will attract the wrong kind of attention when she is 4, 5 or 6. Envision her mooning the first-grade class! Perhaps you can make your daughter-in-law understand by showing her this column. I certainly hope so.

DEAR ABBY: I am an asexual college student with a question about dating. When should I tell someone that I'm asexual? I'm not really "out" -- mostly because I don't feel the need to talk about it -- but I'm not ashamed of it, either. What do you think? -- NEW ENGLAND "ACE"

DEAR ACE: I see no reason to announce it at a first meeting because it's nobody's business. The time to tell someone you are asexual is after you have gotten to know the person well enough to be comfortable sharing information.

In case you don't realize it, you are not the only asexual person out there. Because there's so much emphasis on sex and sexual orientation in our society, it might help you to know that an organization exists which enables asexuals to connect with each other. It's the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), and you can find it on the Internet at asexuality.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman with three children ages 24, 22 and 16. I live on my own with my girls. I have been dating a man, "Reed," for three years. We are very much in love and have been working to blend our families. (He has two children.)

We have decided to move in together at the end of October. My lease will be up then, and Reed has sold his condo. We will be moving into the house he shared with the ex-wife while they were married. I'm comfortable with the move, and our kids are very excited about it.

Everything is fine except for one thing: His ex-wife has not yet found a new home to move into. With little time to go, he's now suggesting that we move in and live with his ex-wife until she finds a new place. Reed believes this will be very short-term -- a month or so.

The house is big enough for all of us, so that's not an issue. His ex-wife and I are friendly, so that's not an issue either. But I'm not comfortable with this plan.

Am I being irrational? Should I just act like a grown-up and make the move, or should I refuse? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: You are neither immature nor irrational. You are thinking ahead -- and that is what grown-ups do. What if Reed's ex can't find a place that suits her in a month or so? What if it takes six months or even a year? While you may like the woman, do you really want to share your dwelling with the "Ghost of Marriage Past"?

If I were you, I'd talk to my landlord and ask if you can work out a month-to-month extension of your lease. If that's agreeable, Reed can move in with you for the "short term." I'm sure you'd both be happier.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is in her mid-50s. She's a wonderful woman, but she makes us late for everything. My husband and children, my siblings and I often attend family functions and other events as a group. When we go to pick up Mom, she announces she has "just a few" chores she wants to do first, and they take forever.

We are not "a few" minutes late; we're significantly late, and sometimes miss events altogether. These have included weddings and funerals, and we have wasted hundreds of dollars on tickets to missed events. She'll often make a show of apologizing, but her behavior never changes.

We have stopped inviting Mom to some events, but she makes us feel guilty if we don't take her to a family event. We have tried helping her do her chores the day before and lied about starting times. Nothing works, and Mom finds more to do.

We have asked her friends about this behavior. They say she never pulls these stunts when they pick her up for things. When we talk to Mom about it, she insists she needs to get things done ahead of time. Her house isn't messy, nor is it known for being overly tidy.

She's in good mental and physical health. We're fresh out of ideas on how to deal with this. Help! -- LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE

DEAR LATE: It's interesting that your mother doesn't behave this way with her friends. That tells me her behavior is controlling -- although it's hard to understand what perverse pleasure she gets out of it.

I would handle it this way: Tell Mama you will pick her up at a certain time and that you will wait no longer than five minutes for her. If she's not out by then, you will leave. And then do it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 8 years old and in second grade. I'm writing because I'm being bullied at school. I'm really smart, and at my school that's a really bad thing. I try hard to be nice, but here that's worse than being smart.

The teachers didn't help me with the bullies, so I stopped telling them. My mom told everyone she could about the bullies, but nobody helps. It keeps getting worse over time. Every day someone picks on me, pushes me or makes fun of me. Please help me. -- FEELING TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING TORN: Because you haven't told your teachers that the bullying hasn't stopped, they may think that it's no longer going on. Tell them again what you are experiencing, and be sure your mother knows. She should discuss this with your teacher. If things don't get better, she needs to talk to the principal and, if necessary, the school board. Many schools offer programs that discourage bullying and train students who can help.

As a last resort, your mother should consult a lawyer. You have a right to an education that's free from this kind of pressure. Lawsuits have been filed and won because school districts didn't give it the attention they should have. Be sure to show this to your mother and tell her you wrote it.

DEAR ABBY: I am agoraphobic. Although I have managed to make accommodations for special occasions like birthday parties and dinners with my family, I am not comfortable at extremely large gatherings.

My parents understand this, but my sister and brother-in-law think that if I'd just "try harder," everything would work out. Abby, I must take a mild tranquilizer to go to small gatherings, and I have told them this. Would people tell someone who is allergic to something to just "try harder"? How can I explain this better? -- AFRAID IN TAYLORSVILLE, UTAH

DEAR AFRAID: I'm sorry to say this, but individuals have been known to give people with severe food allergies items containing their "trigger foods" because they are convinced "just a little" won't hurt them -- or worse, that the problem is imaginary.

Your sister and brother-in-law do not understand phobias. A medical professional might be able to explain it to them, but until they're ready to consult one and really listen, it would be healthier for you to ignore them and limit your time with them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree about when and where it is acceptable to yawn. I believe a public yawn during dinner or conversation is not appropriate. She sees no reason why a natural human trait such as yawning should be stifled.

Again, my assertion is that yawning denotes boredom or lack of interest in what people are conversing about or doing. What are your thoughts? -- NOT A YAWNER IN FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.

DEAR NOT A YAWNER: My thoughts are similar to an observation made by English writer G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936), who said, "A yawn is a silent shout." I have never seen anyone who is intensely interested in something yawn, and to do it in the presence of others implies that the yawner is tired, bored or otherwise not fully engaged.