DEAR ABBY: In response to the Aug. 13 letter from the adoptive mom in Indianapolis, we, too, are sometimes questioned about our son. I don't find it at all offensive, and I encourage her to view it from a different perspective.

Just as mothers enjoy telling stories about their pregnancy and delivery, I relish talking about how our son came to be part of our family. I have talked openly about it to strangers in front of my son since he was a toddler. I tell them how amazing it is that a mother could love her child so much that she would be willing to give him to us so he could have a better life than she could offer.

By not shying away from the topic, my son has seen that his adoption doesn't make us uncomfortable, and as a result, it's something he is comfortable with. Our son is full of confidence because he knows how much joy he has brought to our lives. -- REAL PARENT IN COLORADO

DEAR REAL PARENT: Thank you for writing. My office was flooded with comments from adoptive parents and adopted children, but not all of them were as positive as yours. "Why do you need to know?" was frequently cited as a way to deflect unwelcome questions about why the biological parents placed the child for adoption, as was, "I'll forgive you for asking that question if you forgive me for not answering."

Many also prefer to say, "That is my child's story and he'll know it and share it when and if he thinks it is appropriate." My favorite was, "We don't discuss such intimacies. Have you told your children the details of their conception?"

Readers, thank you all for sharing.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in an on-again-off-again, long-distance relationship with a guy for a year and a half. I have broken up with him and taken him back six times. It is always for the same reason: We are not compatible as a romantic couple.

I have explained that we would be better as friends, but when I try to leave, he cries and begs me not to go. I'm afraid he could be suicidal, based on past reactions.

I love him as a friend and I want him to be with someone who can love him the way he wants to be loved. How do I let him down easy, if there is even such a thing? I'm afraid I might ruin his life.

I guess my question is, when you know in your gut that things won't work out, when is it OK to throw in the towel? -- PERPLEXED IN PENSACOLA

DEAR PERPLEXED: After six breakups, your long-distance romance is well past its expiration date. When there is a lack of chemistry between a couple, it's no one's fault and it's usually a deal-breaker. The problem with letting someone down the way you're trying to is that it prolongs the pain, like removing a sliver halfway, then jamming it back in because the person is wincing.

Threats of suicide if a romance is unsuccessful are attempts to control the partner who wants to leave through guilt. The time to throw in that towel is now.

DEAR ABBY: When did it become acceptable to ask for a doggie bag after an elegant dinner in a friend's home? I'm known as an excellent cook. I entertained eight guests in my home last night and served expensive meat, an accompanying salad, vegetables and a great dessert. They wanted the leftovers! I thought if they had the nerve to ask, they were welcome to the goodies. Would you? -- HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST

DEAR HOSTESS: Would I what? Ask for the leftovers or give them? To ask for leftovers in someone's home is rude, and I wouldn't do it -- although some hosts do offer them to their guests. If you preferred to keep the leftovers for yourself, you should have said no -- with a smile, of course.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who's having a disagreement with my parents about dating. There's this guy, "Connor," who likes me, and I'm very comfortable with him. His older sister and I are good friends.

The trouble is, my parents have strict rules against dating and I think it's unfair. I think I'm mature enough to date, and I know right from wrong. My friends say I'm very mature for my age, and they approve of Connor because he's friendly and has an outgoing personality. I have tried talking to my parents about this, but I always end up in tears.

Can you tell me how I can convince them to give this guy a chance? -- GROWN UP AT 14, PRINCE GEORGE, CANADA

DEAR GROWN UP: A sure way to show your parents you're mature enough to date would be to show them you're a responsible person. Do they know when they ask you a question that they'll get an honest answer with no evasion? Have you shown them that you respect their curfews? Do you do the chores that are expected of you without having to be reminded? Is the same true about your homework?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then do they know Connor? Do they know his parents? If they do, they might feel more comfortable about your seeing him, if it's in a group rather than one-on-one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 years old and I recently enrolled in a new school. I have met two boys, "Jake" and "Cory," and I have been crushing on both of them.

I really like Jake for everything, but I'm not sure he likes me back. I like Cory for his looks and popularity, and I'm positive he likes me because he said so. Should I ask Jake to go with me first, and if he says no, rebound to Cory? -- CONFUSED IN RAYMOND, MISS.

DEAR CONFUSED: The school year has just started and it's a little early to be asking someone to "go" with you. If you take your time -- say, wait a month -- Jake may find the courage to tell you he likes you, too. If he doesn't, tell Cory you're interested in him and see if he still feels the same way about you. (The odds are 50/50.) And who knows? In another month, there might be a third guy.

DEAR ABBY: My brother thinks I eat too slow, and I think he eats too fast. He claims it's rude to eat slow and make others wait for you. I say eating slowly is healthy, and it's better than wolfing down your food to keep up with the people you're with. Who's right? -- AT MY OWN PACE IN EDDINGTON, MAINE

DEAR AT YOUR OWN PACE: You're both right. If you eat so slowly that the rest of the people at your table must wait for you to finish, ask them to proceed with their dessert and coffee so they won't have to sit there and watch you masticate. And wolfing down one's food causes some people to overeat, which is why weight-loss specialists advise against it.

DEAR ABBY: What do new fathers hand out today instead of cigars? -- NONSMOKER IN SAVANNAH

DEAR NONSMOKER: Because so much more is now understood about the dangers of tobacco, many new fathers today hand out small gift bags of candy instead -- blue for a baby boy or pink for a daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 4-year-old daughter and pregnant with my second child.

My boyfriend and I live in a nice house and have a comfortable lifestyle. We each pay our own bills, and I pay half the mortgage that is in his name.

I am extremely unhappy at my job. The job itself isn't the problem; it's the management team and its effect on office morale. They treat us employees like dirt, thus everyone is always fighting with each other. I try to stay out of it, but I am unhappy to the core there. I want to find another job after my maternity leave, but I'm afraid my soon-to-be-fiance won't be willing to pick up the slack financially while I'm temporarily unemployed.

Isn't this the normal give-and-take that "married" couples go through? Shouldn't I expect him to help me if I'm going through a rough patch? Are my expectations unreasonable? -- EXPECTING AND DEPRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EXPECTING: I assume that you have discussed this with your boyfriend and he wasn't receptive. Your expectations wouldn't be unreasonable if you were married or at least engaged. But you're not. While you and I think he should help you financially over this rough patch, he may feel no obligation to do so. If that's the case, your not-quite-fiance appears to be treating you like a roommate-with-benefits. Because you are not on the title of the house you pay half the mortgage on, there is no guarantee you will ever have anything to show for your contribution.

In light of that, of course he should be supportive emotionally and financially if you leave your job. Expecting him to step up to the plate is not unreasonable. But whether he agrees with you and me is another matter. Please find out before you invest any more money or he impregnates you again.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are well into a relaxed retirement. His successful, middle-aged son "Rory" has developed the habit of stopping by unannounced occasionally on his way home from work. This would be fine except that it falls in the middle of the dinner hour. Although we ask Rory to join us, he prefers to just stand over us and talk about his day while we eat. This wasn't his childhood home, so it's not a matter of an extended familiarity with this residence.

I have asked his father to speak to him about it, and while he agrees that his son's actions are rude, he refused to say anything. My husband is mild-mannered and seems to be happy that Rory takes the time to see him. To me, it looks like this is the most convenient time for Rory to get the occasional parent visit out of the way while not considering our feelings.

Because I have had a good long-term relationship with my stepson, I took him aside and politely explained that these dinner interruptions are discourteous. Rory blew up at me! I was astonished to see a mature man I respected act in such a childish manner. Now I'm the culprit in a family rift, while my husband remains mute. Should I have focused on digestion and held my tongue? -- DISAPPOINTED STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: Because your husband refused to say anything and won't back you up, it appears the answer is yes. While some people consider the dinner hour to be sacred, not everyone does, and your stepson's visits were only occasional. Your request might have been better received had you told Rory that his hovering makes you nervous, and if he didn't care to share the food you had prepared, you'd appreciate it if he would at least sit at the table with you for everyone's comfort.