DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my best friend, "Blake," for two years. A year ago he started having panic attacks, so I made an appointment for him with his doctor. After checking him for everything, including heart failure, the doctor diagnosed him with anxiety.

Since his diagnosis, Blake is scared to leave the house. I have been working two jobs to make ends meet because he says he "can't work." This has taken a toll on our marriage. We have three kids and a lot of bills.

Blake is on medication and has tried many different ones, but they aren't working. All he talks about is his anxiety and every little ache or pain. He thinks he's going to have a heart attack.

I am fed up with it, while he says I just "don't understand anxiety." Sometimes I think he's making his anxiety worse. I don't know what to believe or what to do. Any suggestions? -- STRESSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STRESSED: Yes, I do have one. Your husband should be seen by a licensed mental health professional (psychologist) who works with a psychiatrist. He may need more than medication to help him conquer his anxiety disorder. He might do better with a combination of talk therapy in addition to his meds.

Please urge your husband to do this because the aches, pains and anxiety he's experiencing may seem like they're all in his head to you, but they're real to him. It could save your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and daughters and I enjoy a beach trip every year. With our busy lives, it's the one time in the year we are able to be together and relax. Although we have invited friends and family over the years to join us, I have never invited my sister. She keeps bringing it up and portrays me as the snobby sister.

The truth is she has two undisciplined children whom I can't stand to be around. I suspect she just wants to join us so she can pawn her kids off on me while she and her husband relax.

My mother is now telling me I'm selfish and not being a good sister. Must I sacrifice my one week a year at the beach to make my sister feel better? Please advise. -- IT'S MY VACATION

DEAR MY VACATION: Considering that you have invited friends and family to join you, but not your sister, I can see how she might feel snubbed. Has no one told her your reason for not inviting her and her family to join you? If not, someone should, because it might motivate her to assert more control over her children. If she takes offense, however, you will be off the hook because she will no longer want to socialize with you.

DEAR ABBY: We have a housecleaner once a month. Last month, I offered her some grapefruit from our tree and she took six. This month, she helped herself to all of the fruit that was left on the tree! She didn't ask permission, and she didn't tell me she had done it. I happened to see her put it into her car.

I consider this to be stealing, but my husband does not. Because she took the fruit without permission and without telling me, do you consider it stealing? -- "ANITA" IN FLORIDA

DEAR "ANITA": The woman may have assumed you wouldn't mind if she took the fruit because you had offered it to her the month before. (Did you say she could take only six?) Rather than call this stealing, I would call it a misunderstanding. Clear it up by telling your housecleaner that you want nothing removed from your premises unless you have specifically told her she may have it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating Mr. Right for two years. "Phil" is the man I want to spend my life with. When we are together privately, everything is perfect.

The problem is, Phil hangs out with his old college buddies every few weeks or months, and it often involves his ex-girlfriends. They don't hang out alone. There is always at least one other person there. The situations usually include drinking, which worries me.

In my opinion, Phil should not be seeing his exes, even though his college friends are still buddies with them. Phil doesn't understand why I think this is so wrong. I am uncomfortable and think he should avoid these situations.

Am I overly jealous, or should I call it quits because he won't respect my feelings on the matter? -- HOME ALONE IN KOKOMO

DEAR HOME ALONE: I don't think you are overly jealous, but I do think you may be overly insecure. Has Phil given you any reason to think he has cheated on you? If not, you should trust that he is doing nothing more than hanging out occasionally with old friends.

You say he is encountering exes (plural) when he sees his male friends. If it was just one, you might have cause to worry. Remember, these women are exes for a reason. Unless you want to be another ex, you should lighten up because insecurity and possessiveness are unattractive traits.

DEAR ABBY: We have lived next door to a couple, "Evie" and "Earl," for five years. I thought we were good friends. Over the years, I vented to Evie about my relationship with my daughter-in-law, "Cate." I watch my two grandkids most of the week and have complained to her about Cate's poor parenting skills.

Last summer, my daughter-in-law made a concerted effort to befriend Evie, and they now socialize together -- even though Cate flirted with Earl and Evie didn't like it. This has pretty much killed my friendship with Evie and worsened my relationship with my D-I-L.

This has affected me emotionally and physically to the point that I either want to cut off ties with my son and/or move -- neither of which is really an option. I have tried talking to both parties to no avail. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- BETRAYED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BETRAYED: If you had concerns about your daughter-in-law's parenting skills, the person you should have discussed them with was Cate. And if Evie was as good a friend as you thought, she wouldn't be hanging around with your daughter-in-law to the exclusion of you.

I assume that you, your son and Cate are still on speaking terms and you're still watching the kids "most of the week." If that's not true and you have been cut off by everyone, then the most important thing you need to do is take care of your mental and physical health. Accept that Evie will never be your buddy again and start socializing with others.

If you are no longer watching your grandchildren, your son and D-I-L will have to make alternative arrangements for childcare, which will cost them money they may be reluctant to spend. Then it will be in their interest as well as yours to make peace.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Anonymous in Wisconsin" (Aug. 11), the cancer survivor whose husband has lost interest in her after her double mastectomy. I am outraged by his insensitivity and lack of love. She says she doesn't want to leave him. My question to her is, why not? She deserves better.

I am a cancer survivor who was diagnosed with breast cancer seven months after I was married. Prior to my decision to have a radical mastectomy, I offered my husband the chance to leave. (After all, one doesn't expect "worse" to come so soon after the wedding.) The prospect of children, which we had discussed and was important to us, was uncertain because of my subsequent chemotherapy. My husband didn't hesitate. He said, "You would not leave me. We will adopt."

On our first wedding anniversary I was bald, and he treated me to a beautiful, romantic getaway. Although I did have reconstruction, it was a long process. He was supportive from day one.

Fifteen years later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer again. I had another radical mastectomy followed by chemo and reconstruction. Abby, my husband again made me feel beautiful even when I didn't. There are men out there who define a woman not by the size of her breasts, but by the beauty of her heart. -- SURVIVOR IN NATICK, MASS.

DEAR SURVIVOR: I want to thank you and the many breast cancer survivors who wrote me -- and their supportive spouses -- for telling me your personal stories. Readers, I am printing this to remind you that October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had to write to "Anonymous." I kept hoping my husband of 20 years would change his mind and accept my new body. However, because he could not, I chose to divorce him and it liberated me.

At first, I felt that if the one person who was supposed to care couldn't look at me, then no other man would either. I was wrong. After five years of dating, I never once encountered a man who was as insensitive as my husband had been. I have now found the man of my dreams.

In some respects, my "medical adventures," as I refer to them, were the best thing that ever happened. They enabled me to see my ex for who he really was, and find a man who truly is a man. -- GOT A NEW SET AND A NEW LIFE

DEAR ABBY: Breast cancer doesn't ruin your life unless you let it.

I am 66 years old. When I was in high school, my mom had a breast removed. My parents and I just took it in stride. It didn't define us. Dad adored her.

Mom would come in dressed up for whatever reason and ask, "Am I even?" because the "falsies" then were made of foam and were lightweight. She kept the vacation money pinned to it. She made a few new friends faint when she used it as a pin cushion. Dad died at 90, and Mom died the following year.

Mom could have helped "Anonymous." She would have cut her a slice of homemade pie, poured a cup of coffee, sat down at the table and just talked to her. Women need other women. "Anonymous" should find a friend who has gone through the same thing and talk and pray. She needs both. -- EARLENE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My wife went through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, then radiation. During that time she went to work every day, except when she had a treatment.

Of course, I have a visual reminder of what she went through when we share an intimate moment, but she has had to deal with it every day of her life since then. When I see her scar, I think about how strong she was going through that difficult period of time. Rather than drive us apart, it has brought us closer together than I ever thought possible. -- HUSBAND OF A BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR