DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother. My two sons are practically grown and out of the house. I haven't dated much over the years, but there was one man I did bond with and cared very much for at one point.

He lived across the country, and the long-distance relationship was difficult. I was reluctant to move my kids across the country for someone I barely knew, so the relationship ended. Thank God, I followed my instinct on that one!

Feeling sentimental one evening, I went online and searched for his name. Up popped a mug shot of him posted on a Megan's Law website, identifying him as a deviant offender. The police code indicated he was someone who had intercourse with a person under the age of 13. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Now I can't stop thinking about what might have happened had I not followed my instincts. I'm afraid to date anyone for fear I'll find another creep. Is there a way to "screen" prospective mates without them knowing -- like a background check for daters, perhaps? -- STILL SHOCKED IN TEXAS

DEAR STILL SHOCKED: The way to screen someone for a criminal conviction would be to go online and search in the state the person lives in or came from. That, however, is no guarantee you won't meet another creep.

Finding Mr. Right is a process that involves trial and error. In many cases, a lot of error. That's why it is better to meet men through personal introductions, volunteer groups or because you have mutual interests -- and even then, take your time getting to know them.

DEAR ABBY: May I tell you about an incident that happened last Halloween? I took my daughters, ages 12 and 6, and a co-worker's 4-year-old son trick-or-treating. My 12-year-old is becoming a young woman and appears older. When we came to one house, the homeowner promptly gave the smaller children candy and had a conversation with them, but completely ignored my older daughter. She was very hurt, and it cast a pall on the evening. I was stunned.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't care how old you are -- if you're dressed up for Halloween, you can come knocking and you'll get a treat. I'd rather give someone candy than have him or her feel the way my daughter did.

How should I have handled this? Is there an age limit for trick-or-treaters? -- FESTIVE MOM IN KANSAS

DEAR FESTIVE MOM: If you refrained from challenging the homeowner, you handled it correctly. Halloween is a holiday during which all of those who participate celebrate their inner child. As my dear mother once said to me, there were times when the doorbell would ring and she wasn't sure whether to offer the trick-or-treater candy or a martini. And I think that's where I'd draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 10 and I have a sister who copies everything I do. For example, I was known for my good cooking until she made "amazing" banana bread. Now nobody thinks I'm the best cook in the house anymore.

My sister tags along with whatever I do. I sell dog treats; she sells dog treats. My mom thinks it's cute and says I should be flattered. All I want is to be unique, but it's hard with my sister who steals the show. Please help! -- FRUSTRATED IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Talk to your mother again about this. While I agree that your sister's desire to do what you do is cute, it can also create a cutthroat competition between siblings. Your mother could avoid this if she would encourage your sister to develop interests or talents of her own and help you become involved in after-school activities that do not include your sister. Sports or a church group come to mind.

DEAR ABBY: My kids attend a private school that has made it a goal to be a "blue ribbon" school. To that end, teachers pile on so much homework that many of our parents send our kids to bed after three hours and finish it ourselves. Our kids are completely overwhelmed with senseless piles of busywork.

This summer, our children had to read four substantial books and complete hefty vocabulary packets and math packets that required most of us parents to hire tutors. Our children are stressed, anxious and depressed. We have never indulged them with a lot of video game or TV time. I have considered pulling my kids out of this school, but the public schools around here are awful.

Parents are miserable. Kids are miserable. We want them to have a decent education, but we also want them to be happy people -- and right now, no one is happy. -- PRESSURED MOM OF PRESSURED KIDS

DEAR PRESSURED: Are you aware that some educators feel that students should have no summer vacation at all, and should be in class year-round? The assignments your children were given may have been designed to keep their skills sharp so they would be prepared for the fall term. Because you and other parents feel your children are being overburdened with busywork, it's time to address this as a group with the principal so you can voice your concerns and get an explanation.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old grandson lies often. His parents are trying to give him consequences for his lying as a "team effort." I don't want to be the stern grandma and have him have bad memories of me. When he lies to me, should I look the other way and ignore it or follow through with my own consequences? -- GRANDMA IN ST. PETE, FLA.

DEAR GRANDMA: Would you prefer your grandson remember you as the grandmother whose eye he could spit in, tell her it's raining and she would accept it? It would be better to ask him why he feels it is necessary to lie to someone who loves him, tell him that you expect honesty from him and if you don't receive it there will be more consequences. Remember, you are also a part of the team, and this is an important life lesson he needs to learn.

DEAR ABBY: My only son is 18. He didn't attend his prom. He quit school and goes to night school instead. I'll never see him in a cap and gown, holding his diploma. On top of that, he told me six months ago that he's bisexual and that he has a boyfriend in the U.K. I'm having a hard time with all of this.

I taught my son to love and respect everyone, regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation. Now I'm afraid I won't have any grandchildren. Even more upsetting, he wants to move to the U.K. to be with his 26-year-old boyfriend.

I feel so cheated -- no prom, no graduation, no grandchildren! I'm scared and I cry every day. How do I accept him being him? -- CHEATED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CHEATED: OK, so reality isn't in sync with your fantasy about how your son would turn out. But why are you dwelling on the negative?

Your son is completing his high school education, and with his GED could very well go on to college or a technical school. While he didn't attend his prom, he has found a meaningful relationship. He may eventually give you the grandchildren you long for -- other same-sex couples have done it.

So look on the bright side. If you count your blessings, encourage him and accept the man he loves, you could have a life of adventure and international travel, a warm relationship with both of them and gain a son.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my best friend, "Blake," for two years. A year ago he started having panic attacks, so I made an appointment for him with his doctor. After checking him for everything, including heart failure, the doctor diagnosed him with anxiety.

Since his diagnosis, Blake is scared to leave the house. I have been working two jobs to make ends meet because he says he "can't work." This has taken a toll on our marriage. We have three kids and a lot of bills.

Blake is on medication and has tried many different ones, but they aren't working. All he talks about is his anxiety and every little ache or pain. He thinks he's going to have a heart attack.

I am fed up with it, while he says I just "don't understand anxiety." Sometimes I think he's making his anxiety worse. I don't know what to believe or what to do. Any suggestions? -- STRESSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STRESSED: Yes, I do have one. Your husband should be seen by a licensed mental health professional (psychologist) who works with a psychiatrist. He may need more than medication to help him conquer his anxiety disorder. He might do better with a combination of talk therapy in addition to his meds.

Please urge your husband to do this because the aches, pains and anxiety he's experiencing may seem like they're all in his head to you, but they're real to him. It could save your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and daughters and I enjoy a beach trip every year. With our busy lives, it's the one time in the year we are able to be together and relax. Although we have invited friends and family over the years to join us, I have never invited my sister. She keeps bringing it up and portrays me as the snobby sister.

The truth is she has two undisciplined children whom I can't stand to be around. I suspect she just wants to join us so she can pawn her kids off on me while she and her husband relax.

My mother is now telling me I'm selfish and not being a good sister. Must I sacrifice my one week a year at the beach to make my sister feel better? Please advise. -- IT'S MY VACATION

DEAR MY VACATION: Considering that you have invited friends and family to join you, but not your sister, I can see how she might feel snubbed. Has no one told her your reason for not inviting her and her family to join you? If not, someone should, because it might motivate her to assert more control over her children. If she takes offense, however, you will be off the hook because she will no longer want to socialize with you.

DEAR ABBY: We have a housecleaner once a month. Last month, I offered her some grapefruit from our tree and she took six. This month, she helped herself to all of the fruit that was left on the tree! She didn't ask permission, and she didn't tell me she had done it. I happened to see her put it into her car.

I consider this to be stealing, but my husband does not. Because she took the fruit without permission and without telling me, do you consider it stealing? -- "ANITA" IN FLORIDA

DEAR "ANITA": The woman may have assumed you wouldn't mind if she took the fruit because you had offered it to her the month before. (Did you say she could take only six?) Rather than call this stealing, I would call it a misunderstanding. Clear it up by telling your housecleaner that you want nothing removed from your premises unless you have specifically told her she may have it.