DEAR ABBY: This is my wife's second marriage. When we were dating, she led me to believe that I was the second sexual partner she had ever had. Shortly after our wedding, I found out through some mutual acquaintances she had attended college with that she had been very promiscuous during her college years and that the number of men she has been with is far greater than two.

I feel lied to and trapped in my marriage. (If I had known this, I would not have married her.) She knows I know. She dismissed it by saying the past doesn't matter, but what she fails to recognize is that it matters to me. I can't help but wonder if she has lied to me about something this important, what else will she lie to me about?

I love her and want to stay with her, but I feel betrayed and, frankly, embarrassed by her now. What do I do? -- CONFOUNDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFOUNDED: People lie when they feel threatened, when they want to impress someone or when they're ashamed of something. The lie your wife told you may fall into the latter category. She wasn't honest about the number of men she had been with because she knew you would react the way you have.

You say you love her, but if you truly feel embarrassed by the fact that you're not the second man she has slept with, then you either need to change your attitude or do her a favor and think about ending your marriage. From my perspective, the number of lovers she has had since the wedding is far more important than the number she had before.

Please be aware that many women in our society have had multiple partners, so if you're looking to replace your wife anytime soon, you may be hard pressed to find a woman with no experience. If you want to salvage your marriage, I strongly recommend you talk to a therapist, but don't spend your money unless you can forgive your wife for being afraid to tell you the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I have a problem. I recently met a girl in a chat room, and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. As we've been talking, she has told me she is suicidal, and in the past three days she has made three attempts to take her life. (As I'm writing this, she is in the hospital.)

Being a sensitive person, I try to talk her out of it, but she keeps shutting me out, and once she's OK, she is a completely different person. I still want to be her friend, but this is getting to be too much for me. Please help. -- WORRIED IN VERMONT

DEAR WORRIED: You are a caring person, but you must recognize that the girl you are corresponding with is emotionally fragile. Right now she is unable to respond to you and, frankly, you are not equipped to help her. It's good that she is in the hospital because that is where she needs to be until she can be stabilized.

If you continue to stay in touch with her and she tells you again that she is suicidal, you should ask her where she is and if she has done anything to herself. Then call 911 and report it so she can get help quickly.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do with a husband who is loud and rude, who curses constantly and argues with you and the TV, and is a bully to you and your daughter? -- THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL

DEAR THAT'S IT: As little as possible!

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Lost for Words" (July 7), who skipped her 10-year high school reunion because she was bullied in school. (She is now receiving Facebook messages from former classmates who want to apologize.)

That letter could have been about me! I was bullied all through school, too. Things were so bad I honestly don't know how I kept it together. I never even told my parents how bad it was until years after I had graduated.

My class (1972) had their 10-year reunion and I went, although I almost didn't because I was scared. When I got there, I was given hugs by classmates. Some of them apologized, and it was wonderful. I enjoyed myself so much that I helped organize our 20th and 25th reunions.

"Lost," you can either keep reliving those painful moments and continue to suffer, or rise above it, prove to your classmates and yourself that they can't hurt you anymore and get to know each other now as peers.

Counseling helped me to learn to deal with bad things in my life. Don't get me wrong, I still have some issues and life isn't always easy, but I have learned to let go and forgive these people. They, too, have grown up and are now mature adults who know right from wrong. -- CATHY IN ESTERHAZY, CANADA

DEAR CATHY: Thank you for sharing your experience and insights along with many other readers who were bullied in school. One common denominator in their letters was the word "forgiveness." Interestingly, I received none from the bullies themselves! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As middle school teachers, we do our best to curtail abuse, but it happens behind the scenes. The targets can remain bullied for years, as the writer expressed. It is sad that this person is affected to this day, 10 years after graduation.

I agree the target has no obligation to forgive the bullies, but this would be a perfect time to send a strong message to them via her Facebook page. An article on the effects of bullying could be posted with a message that if the bullies truly want forgiveness, they should pass this life lesson on to their children who may be engaged in similar behavior. -- MARY ANN IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: When I attended my 10th reunion, the people who had bullied me apologized and I told them I forgave them. I just attended my 30th reunion, and some of the same bullies asked again for my forgiveness. They are in a self-imposed prison of guilt from which they will be free only when they can accept that I forgive them. My advice to "Lost" is to respond to the Facebook messages with a thank-you, and leave it at that. -- DAWNA IN MONTANA

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I went to my 50th. It was the only reunion I ever attended. Halfway through the event, the "bully brigade" came up to me to apologize for their behavior. I hadn't thought about it and was having a great time. But suddenly, I was emotionally thrown back into those years of hating school because of how I was treated.

On my way out, I confronted the worst bully. I told her her apology was not accepted, and they could all keep their apologies and hold onto their guilt for another 50 years. The minute I said it, it was like a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders. -- ANNE IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I was a late bloomer. When the time came for my 30th reunion, I was a successful, confident millionaire with a knockout blond wife, and I looked years younger than my age. My classmates were bald, wrinkled or saggy. There was no 40th reunion -- they had all given up. Living well really is the best revenge. -- HAPPY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays approaching, a reminder is in order. People: Don't forget those thank-you notes! I don't mean an email, but a real, honest-to-gosh thank-you note sent through the mail with postage.

My mother always told me that a gift is not truly yours until a proper thank-you has been sent. She said it "completed the transfer." I was not allowed to play with the item or use it until that note was written.

This is especially true for young people today, who seemingly were not taught this in school or by their parents. Very young children can draw a picture, and the parent can add a line to say it was drawn to express thanks. As the child matures, he/she can use his/her own words of gratitude.

I can't tell you how many parents comment on the absence of this display of etiquette. Good manners are never out of date. They are noticed and appreciated. From time to time I have seen you mention your booklet on "How to Write Letters." If it includes a section on thank-you notes, I'm sure it would be helpful to a lot of people in the next two months. -- ELINOR IN SURPRISE, ARIZ.

DEAR ELINOR: The booklet does. Not a day goes by that I don't receive letters and emails from readers who are upset enough to write because they haven't received a thank-you note for a birthday, graduation, wedding or holiday gift they sent. Some of the writers say they are so hurt and offended that they will stop giving gifts because they were left hanging, wondering if their gift was ever received. The problem may be that many parents no longer insist their children practice this courtesy, so the kids never learn how to do it.

Chief among the reasons that thank-you notes aren't sent is that many people don't know what to say. They think the note has to be a long, flowery composition when, in fact, short and to the point is more effective.

Keeping a notepad handy when opening gifts and immediately taking a moment to jot down the first thought that comes to mind is helpful. (Example: Do you like the color? The style? Is it something you had been looking for and couldn't find? Is it a special homemade treat? Mmmm.) WRITE IT DOWN.

While letter-writing or even emailing may seem like a chore, there are times when a handwritten note is the most appropriate means of communicating one's thoughts. My booklet contains sample letters for almost any occasion. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Inside you will find many samples that can be used as patterns from which to write your own.

For anyone who has ever wondered where to begin when writing a note of thanks, offering warm congratulations, condolences, composing a love letter or the opposite -- announcing a broken engagement or a decision to divorce -- "How to Write Letters" is a handy guide for people who put off writing because they don't know what to say.