DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are getting married next summer. Last summer, my closest friend -- a woman -- was murdered. Her husband was charged with the crime. Both of them were to be a part of the wedding party. The husband, "Frank," was to be my best man.

I'm at a loss about how to deal with this. I can't believe that Frank is guilty, but the trial isn't likely to be finished by the date of the wedding. However, he is likely to be out on bail.

Frank has been one of my closest friends for many years, and I don't want to abandon him, but his presence would unnerve many of the guests who know about this. My fiancee and I are concerned that having him there would make our wedding "the one where the accused murderer showed up."

Do I include him? Should he maintain his place as my best man? If not, how do I rescind his invitation? -- UNSURE IN CANADA

DEAR UNSURE: Considering the notoriety that now surrounds Frank, he should not be your best man. His presence at the altar would distract from the bride, who is supposed to be the center of attention. This is the No. 1 no-no at weddings. However, I don't think you should rescind your friend's invitation to attend the wedding because he is innocent until proven guilty.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of six years spends weekends at my house where she has her own room with her clothing and personal things. Wanting her to be comfortable here, I have bought her some robes, PJs, slippers, etc. to use when she's here.

One thing she never seems to have is underwear. She has even borrowed mine on occasion. So I shopped online and put a dozen pair in her dresser drawer. I know her size, style and color preference, so I thought I might be the best boyfriend ever for doing it.

Oddly enough, she made no comment. And when I asked, she said, "What kind of boyfriend does that? It's sooo weird."

Abby, I was crushed. Did I go too far? Please tell me I'm not weird. -- DISMAYED IN DUNKIRK, N.Y.

DEAR DISMAYED: You're not weird. You are a giver, and it is a trait that should be appreciated. You did not deserve the putdown. Many women would have been touched by your thoughtfulness. I don't know what kind of men your girlfriend has had in her life before you came along, but it seems they didn't spoil her the way you're trying to.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married, and my husband and I are starting to think about when we should try to have children. I am having a hard time getting over the mindset that my parents instilled in me that pregnancy is bad -- as in when you're a teenager and your parents tell you over and over. (At least mine did.) It has made me terrified of getting pregnant.

How do I get over this mantra and move forward in my life? We want to start a family, but I always have this nagging feeling like I'm not as excited to have kids as my friends are. (We are in our early 30s.) Are these feelings normal? -- BRIDE IN PHOENIX

DEAR BRIDE: At this point, it might be helpful if you discussed this with your parents. After all, it was they who planted this seed of doubt in your head. I'm sure once they hear that what they planted has grown into a fear of having the grandchildren they would love to have, they will find the words to reassure you that a pregnancy after marriage is something to be celebrated. However, if your concerns continue after that, talk about them with your OB/GYN or a licensed counselor.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine faked a pregnancy to get a man to stay with her. Once he moved in, she told him she'd had a miscarriage. She even went so far as to name this so-called baby.

He now has the baby's name tattooed on his arm! She goes on Facebook and talks about how she misses her "little baby boy," and counts every month as though it is his birthday. Every time I read it I get a sick feeling.

I want to tell this man the truth. I know for a fact she was not pregnant. I'm not sure how to go about this. If I say something, I know I will end up the bad guy. Should I mind my own business or let this man know he's living with a maniac? -- WANTS TO TELL THE TRUTH

DEAR WANTS: Your friend may have told this lie so often that she has come to believe it herself. Or, she may be acting this out in order to hang onto the man. While I don't think she is a maniac, I do think she may be unbalanced.

I agree the man has a right to know. Wouldn't you want to be told if you were him? The way to do it is face-to-face. And be prepared for the friendship to end afterward. Frankly, that may be for the best because the woman has more problems than you can cope with.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have recently moved and are now being bombarded with demands to see our home. I was brought up to believe that inviting yourself to anything, especially the privacy of someone's home, is extremely rude.

I understand our family is excited for us, and it is nice to be loved -- but our home isn't ready to be shown, and people won't give up! Telling them about the remodeling mess and that we plan to have a housewarming party in the future when everyone can see our place has been ineffective.

The times I have been unable to avoid people who insisted on coming over, they were rude and judgmental about the moving mess. Please advise me how to say "no" without offending those who are offending me. -- ETIQUETTE-BOUND HOMEOWNER IN KANSAS

DEAR HOMEOWNER: I'll offer a tip. It is amazing what a person can get away with saying if it is done with a smile. All you have to do is smile and say, "Nope. No one can see it until the unveiling." And remember, it isn't rude to stand your ground when someone is trying to encroach upon it. Even family members.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is my mother. My entire life (I am 50) she has made me choose between her and Dad for the holidays. They have been divorced for 30 years, and she still speaks ill of him. She has made every wedding or family event unbearable. It has reached the point that I feel guilty if I want to go and see him.

She is now doing the same thing with my boyfriend of four years. A lot has transpired between us, but we are on a good path and are very much involved in each other's lives. She refused to spend this past Easter with us, including my children, if he was around. I told her that it was her choice and she is always welcome to attend.

With Christmas fast approaching, I don't want all the drama and blackmail to continue. Help! -- WEARY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WEARY: You handled Easter appropriately and you should do the same with Christmas. If your mother chooses not to attend, the choice is hers. Consider asking your father to join you if she won't be there.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to a man who ruled my every move. After years of torture and abuse, I finally became frightened enough to leave. Since then I have met a wonderful, caring, loving man who I wouldn't trade for the world. He treats me with kindness, respect and love. He makes me laugh and smile and appreciate life. I am allowed to be myself and function how I will. I am happier than I have ever been.

My question is, sometimes I miss my emotionally and physically abusive ex. I have no desire to be with him, but after all those years, it's hard to adjust some days.

Is something wrong with me? I would never leave my current relationship for my ex. I feel like I have found my soul mate. But these lingering thoughts trouble me. Am I normal? What do I do? I don't have a girlfriend to confide in. -- FOUND MY SOUL MATE

DEAR FOUND: I'm touched that you would confide in me. Yes, you are normal. Time has a way of dulling emotional pain, and with time we tend to gloss over unpleasantness. Your ex may not have been brutal and controlling all the time, and you are remembering the happier times.

I don't think that what you are missing has much to do with him. What you may be missing is the adrenaline rush you got from the drama.

DEAR ABBY: I had an inappropriate relationship with a senior officer at the firm where I work. It ended a year ago. I was married at the time -- I am now divorced -- and he is married.

Occasionally during the past year, he has made advances, but I rejected them. However, today his advances were persistent and almost demanding. For the first time, I felt a little threatened.

I don't want to cause trouble for him, his job and certainly not his family. But what do I do? I'd like to think he has gotten the message, but what if it continues? I like the guy; I'm just not interested anymore. -- DON'T WANT TROUBLE

DEAR DON'T WANT TROUBLE: It appears "Romeo" hasn't quite gotten the message, so it's time to make explicit your wishes in this matter. If he continues to persist, then you will have to report it to human resources.

DEAR ABBY: I have a great husband who has only one quirk. He often forgets to zip his fly. At home, who cares? But it happens in public too often and creates an uncomfortable scene when my friends are around.

Should I be hard on him, or just sympathize and keep my mouth shut? And what should I do when it's clear that he's the only one who doesn't know? -- JUST ZIP IT

DEAR JUST ZIP IT: Has your husband always forgotten to zip his fly, or is his forgetfulness something recent? If it is recent, and you have noticed other lapses in what should be automatic behavior, then it is time he had a neurological evaluation by a physician.

Because this happens with some frequency, work out a code with him to remind him his fly is open -- or take him aside and quietly point out that he needs to make an adjustment.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown the eight days of Hanukkah begin. I can't believe how early it has fallen this year. To all of you I wish a joyous Festival of Lights!