DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old mom who has always been overweight. I have tried all sorts of diets and programs, and have lost a few pounds and then gained it all back and more.

My boss has offered to pay for me to have weight loss surgery. It is something I have always wanted, but could never afford. My boss told me she knows the struggle I have had and the frustration I have experienced.

My family is behind me and supports my decision to have it done. My concern is that once others in my office learn it was paid for by the boss, I'll be treated differently. I'm concerned about possible catty comments. They are gossips, and I hate being the center of attention in situations like that. The truth is bound to come out, so how can I comment on the gift I've been given? -- SO GRATEFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR SO GRATEFUL: You have a generous and empathetic boss who obviously cares about you. Unless one of you reveals that she paid for your surgery, "the truth" is not bound to come out. How your operation is paid for is nobody's business.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently told me his girlfriend is pregnant with twins. She is in her 40s and he is in his 50s. She already has two kids who are quite a handful. They both have low-paying jobs and I don't think they can handle two more children.

My father now is asking me to move in with him to help out. Because of their financial state and their ages, I'm afraid this is a huge risk. If I tell him what my concerns are, I am sure he'll think I'm heartless and stop talking to me. I don't know what to do. Dad might not even be around to see those kids graduate from high school. What can I do? -- TROUBLED SON IN COLORADO

DEAR TROUBLED SON: Unless you're willing to give up your freedom I don't recommend doing what your father is proposing. He should not expect you to assume child care or financial responsibility because his birth control method failed. That privilege rightfully belongs to him and his girlfriend. Tell your father you sympathize with his dilemma, but the answer is no.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column on the nights that I work, and I was wondering if you have had days when you just wanted to tell someone who has written to you to "suck it up and deal with it." I am generally a nice person and would help the most helpless cases as best I could, but I know that I have days when I have been snarky. I was wondering how you deal with those days. -- FEELING SNARKY TONIGHT IN VERMONT

DEAR FEELING SNARKY: I write my column from an office away from my home. Because of that, it's easier to leave distractions (or "problems") on the other side of the door when I enter. I'm here to help people, not to make anyone feel worse. If for some reason I felt I was unable to do that, I would either go for a long walk or postpone writing for another day.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Nicole" faked several pregnancies to keep her boyfriends around until they wised up. She is now really pregnant by a married man.

Nicole has a long criminal history and has been in and out of jail for various offenses. She's now facing drug charges that could land her in jail for the next 10 or 15 years. If she's found guilty, my mother will get custody of the baby so it won't have to stay in foster care.

My parents are in their late 50s and financially capable, but they're not in the best of health. Mom plans to raise the child until Nicole gets out of prison because my sister "always wanted to be a mom."

My husband and I have been discussing adopting a child and would love to adopt Nicole's baby. If we did, we'd get a child and could provide the love, safety and security my sister cannot. And the child would get a stable home. Mom feels Nicole "deserves" to be a mom, despite the fact that she's going to jail and flits from man to man searching for someone to love her.

How can I get my mother to see that the needs of this baby have to come first? She should be more concerned with this innocent baby than her drugged-out daughter. Am I wrong to feel hurt and think my mother is choosing her over me? -- HEARTBROKEN IN ALABAMA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Stop personalizing this as a choice your mother is making between you and your sister. Try instead to make her understand how traumatic it will be to a child who could be as old as 10 or 15 to be handed over to a virtual stranger who has no job, no money and a long uphill climb to try and build a future.

Your sister may have always dreamed of motherhood, but the most important part of being a parent -- aside from loving a child -- is being present. If your sister is found guilty, she will be absent long after her child's primary attachments will have formed.

If this doesn't convince your mother to change her mind, you will have no choice but to accept her decision and consider adopting another child.

P.S. Perhaps your father will understand that what you're proposing makes sense and will speak on your behalf.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 20s, single and have no children. I have lived on my own since I was 18. I own my home, my car and have no credit card debt, but my mother refuses to acknowledge me as an adult.

When I do simple chores or cook meals, she acts surprised. She constantly pleads with me to move back home because she insists I can't take care of myself and refuses to discuss it any further than belittling me.

My friends say what she's doing constitutes abuse. I'm not sure I agree, but I do think it is rude and manipulative. How can I deal with her condescending attitude when I'm with her? -- AT MY WIT'S END

DEAR WIT'S END: Most parents strive to make their children independent. Your mother may want you home not because you can't take care of yourself but because she doesn't want to live alone. I wouldn't call that abuse but I do consider it to be selfish and self-serving.

You should not sacrifice your lifestyle to live with someone as manipulative as your mother. When she attacks, laugh and deflect her with humor. Assure her that as incompetent as she thinks you are, you're "muddling through." And if she persists, point out that if she doesn't ease up, she'll be seeing less of you.

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2014! It seems like the world spins faster every year. With each new year comes our chance for a new beginning. It's an opportunity to discard destructive old habits and create healthy new ones. With that in mind, I will share my often-requested list of New Year's resolutions that were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

"Where there is injury, pardon;

"Where there is doubt, faith;

"Where there is despair, hope;

"Where there is darkness, light;

"And where there is sadness, joy.

"Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

"To be understood, as to understand;

"To be loved, as to love;

"For it is in giving that we receive,

"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

"And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY