DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 19 years. I offered his plumbing services to a married couple I work with. While he was fixing the problem, he became friendly with their adult daughter. She was lonely and I knew the family, so I wasn't concerned. Their relationship developed into something more and we separated. He ended their friendship and we reconciled.

Things were going great, but she continued to contact him. He has suddenly decided he can't live without her friendship and has decided to divorce me in order to continue it with her. He swears it's platonic, but something he can't live without. He hopes we can "still be friends"!

My question is how to move on from this. I have to see her enabling parents every day at work, and all of this happened under their roof. I feel betrayed on every level, especially by my husband, who was my best friend. Every aspect of my life, including my job, has been affected.

Have you any advice for moving past this without all of the anger I carry? I don't want to leave my job. It pays well and the commute is easy. But every time I see either one of the parents, I want to cry and scream.

P.S. My husband and I still live together as "roommates," as this is all very recent, and we haven't figured out our living arrangements yet. -- WRONGED IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR WRONGED: I do not for one minute believe that your husband's relationship with this woman is strictly platonic, and neither should you. Consult a lawyer now, while you and your husband are still "roommates." Make sure he doesn't hide any assets because, after 19 years of marriage, you should be entitled to a healthy share of them.

I agree that you have been wronged, but for now hang onto your temper. "Best friends" don't treat each other the way you have been treated. It may take the help of a religious adviser or licensed mental health professional for you to let go of your anger.

DEAR ABBY: My friend of five years, "Gigi," has a heart of gold. However, we were raised differently. Gigi comes into my home when I'm not here and borrows whatever she needs without telling me. And whether I'm here or not, she feels free to go through everything -- personal documents, my drawers and cabinets. Nothing is safe from her fingers or her eyes.

I have tolerated her behavior because when I tried talking to her about it, she became upset and started crying, which made her husband irate. I'm now dating a man who values his privacy, and my friend's behavior bothers him. He's friendly with Gigi's husband and deals with my friend only out of respect for her husband.

How can I get her to leave things alone without her having another meltdown? I don't want to lose a friend, but my boyfriend has a valid point that I happen to agree with. -- INVADED IN TEXAS

DEAR INVADED: How does this woman get into your home when you're not there? Does she have a key? If she does, ask for it back or change your locks. And when you know Gigi is coming over, place anything you would prefer this nosy woman not peruse out of sight or under lock and key. That way, you can reclaim your privacy without being directly confrontational.

DEAR ABBY: My two children and I have lived with my parents for a few years because I had some health problems. Now that I am healthy again, I'm ready to return to work and move to a new home, but I am encountering severe resistance from my parents.

As I have recovered, our situation has gone from my parents helping me to my assuming the majority of the household responsibilities. My parents say they know I want to go back to work and know it will be good for me to be independent, but because of their own health concerns they need me to stay. I have always felt a strong responsibility toward my family, but I know that not having a home to call our own limits the personal growth of my children and me.

I have been offered a great job in another state that would allow me to provide well for my children, but I feel crushing guilt for even considering leaving my parents to fend for themselves. I know this will be a life-changing decision for all of us, so please give me an objective point of view. -- DAD TORN IN TWO DIRECTIONS IN TEXAS

DEAR DAD: On an emotional level, of course your leaving will be traumatic for your parents. They will miss you and the children and all the activity in the house they have become used to. Also, someone may have to assume the household chores that you have been taking care of.

If you accept this job -- and in my opinion you should if you can't find one that pays as well closer to your parents -- perhaps you could subsidize a housekeeper, a cleaning company or someone to help with the yard work a few times a month.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Sean" for five years. I am 27, stand 5 feet 7 inches tall and weigh 120 pounds. Sean is constantly pushing me to exercise more, and he comments on my thighs and stomach a lot. He tells me it's not a weight issue, but I need to "work off some fat and gain more muscle." He wasn't like this when we got married.

I love my body, and I know I'm not fat or overweight. I walk 4 miles round trip to work. My entire workday is spent on my feet, walking or running. I get plenty of exercise, and I'm healthy and active.

This is really hurting my confidence. It bothers me to hear that someone I love thinks my normal body is unattractive because of barely there "fat." I don't know what gave Sean this idea. How do I deal with it? -- JUST RIGHT IN ARIZONA

DEAR JUST RIGHT: The kind of body your husband would like you to have seems more descriptive of a skinny teenager than a healthy young woman. Is he a body builder or a gym rat? You deal with it by asking your husband why he thinks your normal body is unattractive, listen carefully to his response and, if necessary, run it by your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if a woman can be considered engaged to a man if she is still married to another man, but separated?

I have a friend who has been separated from her husband for two years. They live apart, but not "legally." Can she be considered engaged? Wouldn't her ring be a promise ring and not an engagement ring? Please help me clear up this confusion. -- CONFOUNDED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: To declare oneself engaged while legally married to another person does appear to be premature. However, your friend can call herself whatever she wants if it pleases her. The same is true for what she calls the rock she's wearing. If you value her friendship, you'll let it slide and don't contradict her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl going on 15. I am half-Mexican. In the Mexican culture, a girl's 15th birthday is the year in which she becomes a woman. Most girls have a "quinceanera" party for this birthday. But these celebrations cost a lot of money -- almost as much as a wedding.

I have been debating whether or not I should have one. My mom says she would rather put the money toward my college fund. I agree with her, but I also feel like I should acknowledge my Mexican background as much as I do the Caucasian part. I don't want to pressure my parents, but I also don't want to be left out when my friends talk about their quinceaneras. What do you think? -- PARTY OR NOT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARTY OR NOT: A quinceanera may cost almost as much as a wedding, but there are weddings for every budget. We have all heard of families who have gone into debt to finance a wedding, but I never advise readers to go into debt for something like that.

If your primary reason for wanting a quinceanera is so you won't feel left out of the conversation when friends talk about theirs, consider a small celebration with some of your girlfriends. That way your college fund won't be depleted, and you'll spend fewer years paying off student loans.

One of my friends, Fabiola, told me that some godmothers ("madrinas") help to defray the cost of a quinceanera. There can be a godmother for the cake, another for the dress, etc. But she also told me that although her mother insisted she have a quinceanera, in thinking back about it, she wishes she'd had that money for college. There are other ways to celebrate your Mexican heritage than spending a lot of money, so please give this some serious thought.

DEAR ABBY: I just learned that my unborn child is a boy. Some people tell me that it's harder to raise a baby boy, but others tell me differently. I don't know who to believe anymore. I am only five months pregnant and already feeling stressed. -- 19 AND CONFUSED

DEAR 19 AND CONFUSED: Your pregnancy and subsequent motherhood will be 100 percent easier if you stop listening to people who relish putting negative thoughts in the heads of others. If you want reliable information about raising your little boy, the person to get it from is your pediatrician.

DEAR ABBY: I saw your Christmas column in which you included a note to all your Christian readers, and frankly I found it a little rude. Not only Christian people celebrate Christmas; many of us celebrate it as a secular holiday, a time to celebrate the love and joy in our lives and our family (both blood relatives and the people we make our family).

I don't recall you wishing a Happy Hanukkah, a Blessed Ramadan or a Happy Yule to your Jewish, Muslim and Pagan readers (although I may have missed it). I'm not usually one to care about such things, but since people from all walks of life come to you for advice, it would be nice to see you reach out to all of your readers. -- HAPPY PAGAN CHICK IN DENVER

DEAR HAPPY PAGAN CHICK: You must not be a regular reader if you miss all of my holiday greetings. It has long been my practice to offer good wishes to my readers during the major holidays. This includes greetings to my Christian readers at Easter and Christmas, my Jewish readers at Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, and my Muslim readers when the fast of Ramadan is broken.