DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman who still lives at home. I do it so I can help my mom with my five nieces and nephews. Their mother passed away suddenly in 2009 at the age of 30. My mom and stepdad kept them rather than scatter them to fathers who don't appear very interested in them.

Since my sister's death I have earned two degrees, entered the health care field and have lost almost 140 pounds. Despite what I have accomplished, I feel I have nothing to show for myself. When I point my accomplishments out to myself, they don't seem like a heck of a lot. What can I do so I can stop feeling like a loser? -- LOST IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR LOST: A loser? From where I sit, you appear to be not only a caring daughter, but also an intellectually accomplished young woman who is being very hard on herself. If you feel you haven't accomplished a lot, I have to question the yardstick you're using.

It's time you discussed your feelings with a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand what is causing your low self-esteem. If you do, it may help you be kinder to yourself, because what's currently going on in your head is unfair to you and destructive.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a buffet restaurant. I wish you would alert your readers to how waste increases the costs at restaurants like this one. And then people complain because the cost of the food goes up!

I have seen customers stick their fingers or used utensils into pans of food to taste it before serving themselves. And instead of the tongs we provide, they use their hands to help themselves to chicken, bread, etc.

The fact is that once anyone touches the food with his or her hands or eating utensil, the restaurant is required by the health code to dispose of the entire pan of food. This causes tremendous waste. Customers also overfill their plates only to throw half the food away. It makes me sad because so many people in this world are hungry.

I have seen children run around, making a mess of the dessert bar, and especially the ice cream and drink stations. Their parents seem to think it's "cute."

I wish you would remind your readers to use common sense when dining out and to please control their children. The parents should serve food to their little ones who don't know better. -- FRUSTRATED BUFFET WORKER, PUEBLO, COLO.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Children can't practice behavior they haven't been taught, and parents who don't take the time to explain proper behavior to their little ones are shirking their responsibility.

As to adults who have so little understanding of hygiene -- or consideration for others -- that they put their hands or used utensils into food that is meant for others, well -- perhaps after being reminded that it raises the prices they have to pay, they'll think twice about it. But don't bet on it.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering what is the appropriate level of give and take in a friendship? I notice that in some relationships I am always giving and never receiving, where in others I am always receiving. How do you know when a balance is reached? -- JAKE IN ALBANY, GA.

DEAR JAKE: There is give and take in all healthy relationships. A "balance is reached" when you can give without feeling used, and take without feeling guilty that you're being given too much.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 19 years. I offered his plumbing services to a married couple I work with. While he was fixing the problem, he became friendly with their adult daughter. She was lonely and I knew the family, so I wasn't concerned. Their relationship developed into something more and we separated. He ended their friendship and we reconciled.

Things were going great, but she continued to contact him. He has suddenly decided he can't live without her friendship and has decided to divorce me in order to continue it with her. He swears it's platonic, but something he can't live without. He hopes we can "still be friends"!

My question is how to move on from this. I have to see her enabling parents every day at work, and all of this happened under their roof. I feel betrayed on every level, especially by my husband, who was my best friend. Every aspect of my life, including my job, has been affected.

Have you any advice for moving past this without all of the anger I carry? I don't want to leave my job. It pays well and the commute is easy. But every time I see either one of the parents, I want to cry and scream.

P.S. My husband and I still live together as "roommates," as this is all very recent, and we haven't figured out our living arrangements yet. -- WRONGED IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR WRONGED: I do not for one minute believe that your husband's relationship with this woman is strictly platonic, and neither should you. Consult a lawyer now, while you and your husband are still "roommates." Make sure he doesn't hide any assets because, after 19 years of marriage, you should be entitled to a healthy share of them.

I agree that you have been wronged, but for now hang onto your temper. "Best friends" don't treat each other the way you have been treated. It may take the help of a religious adviser or licensed mental health professional for you to let go of your anger.

DEAR ABBY: My friend of five years, "Gigi," has a heart of gold. However, we were raised differently. Gigi comes into my home when I'm not here and borrows whatever she needs without telling me. And whether I'm here or not, she feels free to go through everything -- personal documents, my drawers and cabinets. Nothing is safe from her fingers or her eyes.

I have tolerated her behavior because when I tried talking to her about it, she became upset and started crying, which made her husband irate. I'm now dating a man who values his privacy, and my friend's behavior bothers him. He's friendly with Gigi's husband and deals with my friend only out of respect for her husband.

How can I get her to leave things alone without her having another meltdown? I don't want to lose a friend, but my boyfriend has a valid point that I happen to agree with. -- INVADED IN TEXAS

DEAR INVADED: How does this woman get into your home when you're not there? Does she have a key? If she does, ask for it back or change your locks. And when you know Gigi is coming over, place anything you would prefer this nosy woman not peruse out of sight or under lock and key. That way, you can reclaim your privacy without being directly confrontational.

DEAR ABBY: My two children and I have lived with my parents for a few years because I had some health problems. Now that I am healthy again, I'm ready to return to work and move to a new home, but I am encountering severe resistance from my parents.

As I have recovered, our situation has gone from my parents helping me to my assuming the majority of the household responsibilities. My parents say they know I want to go back to work and know it will be good for me to be independent, but because of their own health concerns they need me to stay. I have always felt a strong responsibility toward my family, but I know that not having a home to call our own limits the personal growth of my children and me.

I have been offered a great job in another state that would allow me to provide well for my children, but I feel crushing guilt for even considering leaving my parents to fend for themselves. I know this will be a life-changing decision for all of us, so please give me an objective point of view. -- DAD TORN IN TWO DIRECTIONS IN TEXAS

DEAR DAD: On an emotional level, of course your leaving will be traumatic for your parents. They will miss you and the children and all the activity in the house they have become used to. Also, someone may have to assume the household chores that you have been taking care of.

If you accept this job -- and in my opinion you should if you can't find one that pays as well closer to your parents -- perhaps you could subsidize a housekeeper, a cleaning company or someone to help with the yard work a few times a month.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Sean" for five years. I am 27, stand 5 feet 7 inches tall and weigh 120 pounds. Sean is constantly pushing me to exercise more, and he comments on my thighs and stomach a lot. He tells me it's not a weight issue, but I need to "work off some fat and gain more muscle." He wasn't like this when we got married.

I love my body, and I know I'm not fat or overweight. I walk 4 miles round trip to work. My entire workday is spent on my feet, walking or running. I get plenty of exercise, and I'm healthy and active.

This is really hurting my confidence. It bothers me to hear that someone I love thinks my normal body is unattractive because of barely there "fat." I don't know what gave Sean this idea. How do I deal with it? -- JUST RIGHT IN ARIZONA

DEAR JUST RIGHT: The kind of body your husband would like you to have seems more descriptive of a skinny teenager than a healthy young woman. Is he a body builder or a gym rat? You deal with it by asking your husband why he thinks your normal body is unattractive, listen carefully to his response and, if necessary, run it by your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if a woman can be considered engaged to a man if she is still married to another man, but separated?

I have a friend who has been separated from her husband for two years. They live apart, but not "legally." Can she be considered engaged? Wouldn't her ring be a promise ring and not an engagement ring? Please help me clear up this confusion. -- CONFOUNDED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: To declare oneself engaged while legally married to another person does appear to be premature. However, your friend can call herself whatever she wants if it pleases her. The same is true for what she calls the rock she's wearing. If you value her friendship, you'll let it slide and don't contradict her.