DEAR ABBY: You were wrong to advise "Starting Anew in Ohio" (Nov. 7), the mother of a 10-year-old girl who wanted the bigger bedroom in their new house, to have her kids draw straws. When the girl made the request, her older brother said he didn't care. The time to have drawn straws was when the girl first made the request, not two months afterward.

The girl is at an age when children can be particularly sensitive about trust issues, and the boy is old enough to know that words have consequences. If the parents reverse course now, the girl will learn that her parents' promises mean nothing, and the boy will learn that he doesn't have to worry about what he says because he can always change it later.

These are NOT good lessons to teach children. That the father would bow to the boy's request made the situation worse. Maybe he'd think twice if he realized his daughter will now always doubt his word. -- JUDY IN OHIO

DEAR JUDY: You are not the only reader who told me my answer wasn't up to my usual standards. In fact, not a single person who wrote to comment agreed with me, and their points were valid. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: Your solution won't keep the peace in that household; it will end it. The daughter will learn her parents can't be trusted to keep a promise; the son will think he can take anything he wants from his sister because, as the male, he gets his way.

No, Abby, a promise is a promise. And if there's any lesson more important to teach our children, I can't imagine what it is. -- HOLLY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: This is the time to teach that 12-year-old "young man" to be a man of his word. He made the decision that his sister could have the room. The daughter had the guts to ask for what she wanted. Good for her for asking for what she wants. NOW they should draw straws to determine the outcome?

The message this sends to the children is, "If you're older, you can get what you want. If you make a promise, you can break it." The daughter should not lose out on what she was promised. -- DANIELLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a suggestion? The children should be told that each year around the anniversary of their moving to the new house that they will change rooms. It may take some effort and energy, but the benefit would be that both brother and sister get to experience the larger bedroom. It will teach them to COMPROMISE. -- TAMI IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: Having been through this type of situation as a child, I can tell you it destroyed my trust in my mother. Believe me, this will have far-reaching and unintended repercussions in that little girl's life. A promise is a promise! -- CANDACE IN THE ROCKIES

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to respect for your elders? None of my six nieces and nephews has EVER called me "Uncle Sam," nor have any of their children called me "Mr. B." When the 5-year-old called me "Sammy," a name I loathe, I nearly snapped. Am I out of line? -- SAM IN SHEFFIELD, MASS.

DEAR SAM: If "Uncle Sam" is what you prefer to be called, you should have made that clear to your siblings when the nieces and nephews were little. Children are imitative. If their parents call you and refer to you as just plain Sam, don't blame the children for doing the same. I don't know how old the kids are now, but it may be a little late for you to start complaining about this.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest grown son discovered that his girlfriend -- his possible future wife -- was texting pictures of herself to his stepfather. Needless to say, he told her the relationship is over.

Now, for obvious reasons, he no longer wants to be around his stepfather, and is deeply concerned about how it will affect his relationship with his mother, my ex-wife. They are close, which I encouraged, but she seems to be in denial about the situation. Have you any suggestions on how to be supportive of my son and all the dynamics? -- TOO MUCH DRAMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR TOO MUCH DRAMA: You say your ex-wife seems to be in denial. Was the reason for the breakup ever explained to her? If it wasn't, then your son should talk to his mother about it, and from then on arrange to see her alone.

DEAR ABBY: I just dropped off my 13-year-old son at a party. He's a seventh-grader, and when I take him to a friend's house, if I haven't met the parents, I walk him to the door and introduce him and myself to them.

I do this to try and make sure the parents are at home and responsible. (Honestly, if they weren't, I'd take my son and leave.) I know it embarrasses him, but most parents thank me because they want to meet the parents of the kids who are in their homes.

Times are different for our kids today. I just can't believe that someone would simply drop off a child and speed away when he/she has absolutely no clue who these people are. I'm not a helicopter parent; I'm just a mother who loves my children enough to make sure they're in good hands.

Recently, a ninth-grader in our school district had a house party where 30 kids received underage drinking citations! Sorry -- but I'm taking no chances. Parenting is not being your child's best friend. Please encourage parents not to be afraid to reach out to other parents. It really does take a village. -- VIGILANT IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA.

DEAR VIGILANT: Your children are fortunate to have a mother who is as involved in their lives as you are. Not all young people are so lucky. Your son may find your vigilance embarrassing, but take comfort in knowing that all kids your son's age find their parents embarrassing.

Orchids to you for pointing out the importance of parents networking with each other to ensure that their children are safe and supervised. When an entire "village" is watching, there is less chance of a lamb straying.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 33 years. I recently found a pair of her panties with "Booty Call" printed across the back. I can't help but wonder. She has never had underwear like that in 33 years. What gives? -- SURPRISED TEXAN

DEAR SURPRISED: Was your wife wearing the lingerie at the time? If not, how did you discover the panties?

The surest way to get to the bottom of this would be to ask your wife this question. She may have thought they were cute and bought them on impulse -- or they may have been a gift. Please let me know, because not only am I interested in her answer, but I'm sure millions of readers are curious, too.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years. I trust him with my whole heart. He is the sweetest man I know. Lately, I have been wanting to know more about his brother. My husband hasn't said much about him other than he was murdered in prison about 10 years ago.

I'm not saying that he and his family are lying, but I did some research on the Web and came across multiple websites about my husband's brother. Yes, he was in prison, but I'm not sure he was actually murdered there. Some details are better left unsaid.

I know, of course, that you can't believe everything you read on the Internet, but there is more than one Google page with a lot of information.

I want to talk to my husband and find out what really happened and try to get to know his brother, but I'm scared he will get angry and even shut me out, and I don't want that to happen. Please give me some advice on what to do. I just want some straight answers -- no more sweeping it under the carpet. -- IN THE DARK IN OHIO

DEAR IN THE DARK: There is always a risk when someone goes poking around the family closet and starts rattling the skeletons. I suggest you be frank with your husband. Tell him you were curious about his brother, went on the Internet, found some surprising information and would like some honest answers. If you trust him with your whole heart, then his response will tell you all you need to know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with five daughters. The youngest is 8, and the others are in their late teens and early 20s. I am self-employed, work from home and very involved in my kids' lives.

I have a boyfriend I have been seeing for the last 18 months. I spend the night with him two or three times a month, which involves less than a 24-hour stay.

I would like to have an extended weekend or a short vacation with him, but he is balking. He says I shouldn't be away from my baby that long. He grew up with a very distant mother and had an unhappy childhood. My daughter spends a lot of time with me, but still enjoys her "sister time."

How can I get him to realize that my being away for a few days would recharge me and make me a better mom? -- BADLY IN NEED OF A BREAK

DEAR BADLY IN NEED: If you haven't already pointed out to this man that his childhood was far different than the one you have provided for your children, then you should.

I am somewhat concerned that he is giving you parenting advice, since nowhere in your letter did you mention that he has any children. It occurs to me that he may have his own reasons for not spending more time with you than he does, and if I'm right, you need to get to the bottom of what they are -- because I don't think he's giving you the whole story.

DEAR ABBY: My husband goes into a tirade if anyone has a taste of food or a bread roll before a meal is properly served. He goes off on everyone -- even a child who has had to wait because the meal is late or they just love light rolls.

We have great respect for your answers. He threatened to write you, so I called his bluff. What do you think about this? -- LOSING MY APPETITE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOSING: I think your husband appears to be excessively controlling. For him to expect hungry people to sit at a table with food and not partake of it is unrealistic, unless it's a formal dinner party. Children should be taught proper table manners, but to force a hungry child to sit at a table with bread on it for fear of a tirade is, in my opinion, abusive.

People sometimes overreact the way your husband does because they have low blood sugar. Could this be his problem?