DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? -- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

I find it interesting that you are unwilling to reciprocate the hospitality of people who welcomed you and opened their homes to you, and yet you complain because you are receiving similar treatment.

From where I sit, you may have chosen the wrong place to live because it appears you would be happier in a less integrated neighborhood surrounded by people who think the way you do. But if you interact only with people like yourselves, you will have missed a chance for growth, which is what you have been offered here. Please don't blow it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14 and in high school. My father died in a car accident when I was 8. A man who attends my church took me under his wing and has been like a father to me ever since. He is very supportive most of the time. However, he spanks me with a belt when he feels I misbehave.

My mom doesn't know about it because she works long hours to support the family. I like the nurturing and encouragement this man gives me, but I can't take another beating. What should I do? -- BLUE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR BLUE: What you are describing is a form of child abuse. This "nurturing" man has no right to hit you. You shouldn't have to tolerate being beaten in order to feel supported.

Tell your mother what has been going on, or a teacher or a counselor at your school. You appear to be an intelligent young man. Your silence is what enables those beatings to continue, so please do not remain silent about this any longer.

DEAR ABBY: If you are divorced from your wife, do her parents remain your in-laws? This is to settle a disagreement. -- SHARON IN TEXAS

DEAR SHARON: Legally, no. But relationships are not always based on legality. Sometimes divorced couples remain extended family members, particularly if there are children involved.

DEAR ABBY: You were wrong to advise "Starting Anew in Ohio" (Nov. 7), the mother of a 10-year-old girl who wanted the bigger bedroom in their new house, to have her kids draw straws. When the girl made the request, her older brother said he didn't care. The time to have drawn straws was when the girl first made the request, not two months afterward.

The girl is at an age when children can be particularly sensitive about trust issues, and the boy is old enough to know that words have consequences. If the parents reverse course now, the girl will learn that her parents' promises mean nothing, and the boy will learn that he doesn't have to worry about what he says because he can always change it later.

These are NOT good lessons to teach children. That the father would bow to the boy's request made the situation worse. Maybe he'd think twice if he realized his daughter will now always doubt his word. -- JUDY IN OHIO

DEAR JUDY: You are not the only reader who told me my answer wasn't up to my usual standards. In fact, not a single person who wrote to comment agreed with me, and their points were valid. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: Your solution won't keep the peace in that household; it will end it. The daughter will learn her parents can't be trusted to keep a promise; the son will think he can take anything he wants from his sister because, as the male, he gets his way.

No, Abby, a promise is a promise. And if there's any lesson more important to teach our children, I can't imagine what it is. -- HOLLY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: This is the time to teach that 12-year-old "young man" to be a man of his word. He made the decision that his sister could have the room. The daughter had the guts to ask for what she wanted. Good for her for asking for what she wants. NOW they should draw straws to determine the outcome?

The message this sends to the children is, "If you're older, you can get what you want. If you make a promise, you can break it." The daughter should not lose out on what she was promised. -- DANIELLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a suggestion? The children should be told that each year around the anniversary of their moving to the new house that they will change rooms. It may take some effort and energy, but the benefit would be that both brother and sister get to experience the larger bedroom. It will teach them to COMPROMISE. -- TAMI IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: Having been through this type of situation as a child, I can tell you it destroyed my trust in my mother. Believe me, this will have far-reaching and unintended repercussions in that little girl's life. A promise is a promise! -- CANDACE IN THE ROCKIES

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to respect for your elders? None of my six nieces and nephews has EVER called me "Uncle Sam," nor have any of their children called me "Mr. B." When the 5-year-old called me "Sammy," a name I loathe, I nearly snapped. Am I out of line? -- SAM IN SHEFFIELD, MASS.

DEAR SAM: If "Uncle Sam" is what you prefer to be called, you should have made that clear to your siblings when the nieces and nephews were little. Children are imitative. If their parents call you and refer to you as just plain Sam, don't blame the children for doing the same. I don't know how old the kids are now, but it may be a little late for you to start complaining about this.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest grown son discovered that his girlfriend -- his possible future wife -- was texting pictures of herself to his stepfather. Needless to say, he told her the relationship is over.

Now, for obvious reasons, he no longer wants to be around his stepfather, and is deeply concerned about how it will affect his relationship with his mother, my ex-wife. They are close, which I encouraged, but she seems to be in denial about the situation. Have you any suggestions on how to be supportive of my son and all the dynamics? -- TOO MUCH DRAMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR TOO MUCH DRAMA: You say your ex-wife seems to be in denial. Was the reason for the breakup ever explained to her? If it wasn't, then your son should talk to his mother about it, and from then on arrange to see her alone.

DEAR ABBY: I just dropped off my 13-year-old son at a party. He's a seventh-grader, and when I take him to a friend's house, if I haven't met the parents, I walk him to the door and introduce him and myself to them.

I do this to try and make sure the parents are at home and responsible. (Honestly, if they weren't, I'd take my son and leave.) I know it embarrasses him, but most parents thank me because they want to meet the parents of the kids who are in their homes.

Times are different for our kids today. I just can't believe that someone would simply drop off a child and speed away when he/she has absolutely no clue who these people are. I'm not a helicopter parent; I'm just a mother who loves my children enough to make sure they're in good hands.

Recently, a ninth-grader in our school district had a house party where 30 kids received underage drinking citations! Sorry -- but I'm taking no chances. Parenting is not being your child's best friend. Please encourage parents not to be afraid to reach out to other parents. It really does take a village. -- VIGILANT IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA.

DEAR VIGILANT: Your children are fortunate to have a mother who is as involved in their lives as you are. Not all young people are so lucky. Your son may find your vigilance embarrassing, but take comfort in knowing that all kids your son's age find their parents embarrassing.

Orchids to you for pointing out the importance of parents networking with each other to ensure that their children are safe and supervised. When an entire "village" is watching, there is less chance of a lamb straying.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 33 years. I recently found a pair of her panties with "Booty Call" printed across the back. I can't help but wonder. She has never had underwear like that in 33 years. What gives? -- SURPRISED TEXAN

DEAR SURPRISED: Was your wife wearing the lingerie at the time? If not, how did you discover the panties?

The surest way to get to the bottom of this would be to ask your wife this question. She may have thought they were cute and bought them on impulse -- or they may have been a gift. Please let me know, because not only am I interested in her answer, but I'm sure millions of readers are curious, too.