DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and my classmates are just beginning to "date." Sometimes what this means is, "Hey, do you want to go to my house, get drunk and have sex?" There's already a pregnant girl in our school. She's 12.

I'm trying not to get involved in any of this, but I'm constantly being teased for not holding a guy's hand, let alone not having had my first kiss. I have learned to deal with it, but my problem is there's this one guy who has been flirting with me.

"Jon" is sweet and nice, but he's part of the popular crowd. I'm afraid if he asks me out, he'll end up trying to get me drunk. He's different from the people he hangs out with, but I still don't know if I can trust him.

I want to stay a virgin until I get married. I won't drink until I'm 21, and I never intend to use drugs. But how do I say no if Jon asks me out and tries to have sex with me or gets me buzzed? I can't hide my entire junior high-to-high school life and not accept a date. Can you help? -- TOO YOUNG FOR TROUBLE, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR TOO YOUNG: There's an old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," and it's usually true. If the price of being popular at your school is being pregnant at 12, then accept that you are better off NOT running with the popular crowd, even if Jon is "nice."

Not all the students in your class are into sex and drinking. It's up to you to avoid the ones who are and socialize with the ones whose values are like yours. If you do, you will never have to worry about someone getting you "buzzed" and taking advantage of you.

Before you go anywhere with anyone, your parents should have met the person. There should be a clear understanding about where you'll be, what time you'll be home and which adult will be supervising.

Equally important: If you ever find yourself in a situation in which you are not comfortable, call your parents immediately so they can pick you up. Got it? You don't have to be a prude, but you do have to set boundaries, and your parents can and should help you to do that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in an awkward position. I started working for my uncle's plumbing business four months ago. I'm a laborer, not an apprentice or mechanic, so I don't know a lot about the trade. I'm not qualified to do a lot of the basic tasks like welding or pipe fitting, but I work hard. I come in early and stay late. I'm respectful and try to have a positive attitude.

The problem is most of the guys here regard me as the arrogant, spoiled nephew (which I'm not). They think I'm incapable and only got the job through my family ties.

How do I prove myself to them? I want to earn their respect. If I ask my uncle to talk to them, they won't trust me and it will make me look bad. Help me, please. -- UNDERESTIMATED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UNDERESTIMATED: I know it's difficult, but if you want to earn their respect, keep doing exactly what you are doing. Come in early, stay late and learn all you can about the business. In time, your efforts will be recognized. What you are experiencing is something that happens to anyone who enters a family business.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married almost four years. Recently I had some medical problems that were my wake-up call. I'm fine now, but I no longer am willing to wait for "someday."

I decided to try some new hobbies, one of which is skydiving. I had said for years I'd never do it because I'm afraid of heights. But I have changed my mind, and for me, this is a big deal.

When I asked my husband what he thought, his response was, "I'm not spending the day just to see you jump out of an airplane." Talk about disappointing!

I have always "gone with the flow" when he has wanted to do something. I know he doesn't want to go skydiving, but all I wanted was his support, and maybe someone to take a video or pictures.

His response has left me wondering about a lot of things. I have had enough of his negativity. He doesn't do anything except stay home. I guess I expected him to be excited for me, or to say he didn't want me doing it. The first is what I would have preferred. Now I'm not sure where I go from here. -- DISAPPOINTED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I hope you realize this letter isn't about skydiving, but your husband's refusal to help you celebrate your new lease on life.

A successful marriage is one in which a couple ideally grows TOGETHER. If your husband is unwilling or unable to do that, then "where you go from here" is to first ask him if he's willing to talk to a marriage counselor with you. If he's not, then schedule some sessions for yourself with a licensed professional and discuss the circumstances that led to your "wake-up call." It will help you rationally -- and unemotionally -- decide how best to enjoy this gift of life you have been given.

DEAR ABBY: You have addressed cellphone etiquette in your column before, but in this day and age it bears repeating.

We attended a meeting for parents and students last night at our child's high school. Inevitably, a cellphone rang, which can happen to anyone. The ring was quickly silenced.

A few minutes later, another cellphone started ringing. Rather than mute it, the parent answered it and proceeded to have a conversation during the meeting while a school staff person was making a presentation. It wasn't a long conversation, but it wasn't quiet either. The parent was sitting in the back row -- he could have easily slipped out to have this "important" conversation.

Thanks for letting me vent. It was extremely annoying and rude. Now I know why his son has no common sense. -- ANNOYED IN IOWA

DEAR ANNOYED: At most events an announcement is made beforehand that cellphones should be turned off. If there is an interruption, an experienced speaker will pause until the interruption ceases. From your letter, I assume that isn't what happened last night.

Children learn manners and common sense by watching their parents. If consideration for others isn't modeled for them, they don't learn it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 62 and own my own home. I have legal guardianship of my eldest grandson, who is 5. Another grandchild is 2 1/2 and in foster care. I would like to keep both children together because I have been told that in the long run it is better so they won't lose contact with each other.

Some friends of mine have been telling me I should let the little one get adopted through the state in a closed adoption. This is really traumatic for me and I'm not sure what to do.

Please give me some advice. I love both of my grandchildren and want the best for them, now and in the long term. -- QUANDRIFIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR QUANDRIFIED: Many grandparents raise their grandchildren successfully. If your health is good, and you have a high energy level and relatives who can provide respite when you need it, have both of your grandchildren live with you. If not, you must consider what could happen to them if something should happen to you.

AARP can be a helpful resource. It offers information on a wide variety of issues related to raising grandchildren, financial assistance and advocacy. To find out more, go to www.aarp.org/grandparents.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for about 10 years and have dated far more since my divorce than I did before I married. The marriage ended because my wife was emotionally abusive.

What disturbs me is that somehow I either attract, or am attracted to, emotionally abusive women. They are usually successful, confident, good looking and controlling, and the results are always the same. The relationships don't last long. How do I stop being attracted to the same type of partner? -- REPEATING PATTERNS

DEAR REPEATING: In order to break any cycle, a person needs to understand how the pattern became established in the first place. People are usually attracted to the familiar, and it may have something to do with the dynamics of the family in which you grew up. Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist who can help you to understand, so you won't make the same mistake again. It's the quickest fix for what ails you.

DEAR ABBY: I take pride in my looks, and when I go to parties, the dresses and accessories I choose. I am often asked where they came from, and I feel the question is rude and inappropriate. Am I being rude to evade the question, or is there a proper response when I'm asked? -- TIME AND PLACE

DEAR TIME AND PLACE: When someone asks where you found an item you're wearing, it is usually intended as a compliment because the person would like to find something similar. If you prefer not to share that information, smile and thank the person for the compliment, then change the subject.