DEAR ABBY: We're proud parents of a new baby girl. She's adorable, and we feel lucky and blessed.

Although having a new baby is an exciting, magical time, it is also very stressful. Sleep deprivation, difficulty with breast-feeding, plus endless visits and phone calls can wear any new parent thin. Also, if Mom had an episiotomy or C-section, she may be in pain. In addition -- or perhaps because of these things -- some women also struggle with postpartum depression.

Friends and family don't always realize everything new parents must cope with. I compared notes with other parents and came up with a short list of guidelines for friends and family of new parents:

1. UNLESS YOU ARE IMMEDIATE FAMILY OR VERY CLOSE FRIENDS, WAIT UNTIL THE THIRD WEEK OR SO TO CALL. Keep in mind the first two weeks are often the toughest. If you would like the new parents to know you're thinking of them, send a card.

2. LIMIT VISITS TO 20 OR 30 MINUTES. Unless you are staying to help with the housework, or know your presence is wanted longer than this, keep your visit short.

3. IF YOU VISIT, BRING FOOD! A simple casserole or some takeout will be gratefully accepted by the exhausted parents.

4. WASH YOUR HANDS IMMEDIATELY BEFORE TOUCHING THE BABY. While it's unlikely that you would unwittingly pass a cold or sore throat to the baby, seeing you wash your hands will make concerned new parents feel better.

5. LEAVE YOUR SMALL CHILDREN AT HOME. Even if you keep a close eye on your children, their high energy level can be too much for already stressed-out new parents.

6. BE SENSITIVE ABOUT MOM'S NEED TO BREAST-FEED. If Mom had a surgical birth, moving around can be an effort for her. If she needs to nurse, offer to leave the room. -- NEW MOM IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR NEW MOM: Congratulations on your new arrival. Your guidelines make sense, and I'm pleased to share them. However, as sensible as they may be, do not be surprised if most of your visitors don't abide by them -- because if my mail is any indication, the majority will think they are the exception to the rule.

DEAR ABBY: My husband drinks milk straight from the carton. He says it's OK because he's the only one in the house who drinks milk. (True.) I have told him I find it disgusting and that company often drinks milk, having no idea that he drinks straight from the carton.

Isn't this unsanitary -- not to mention rude and selfish behavior? I'd love to know how to get him to stop. -- GROSSED OUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GROSSED OUT: I'm sorry you are grossed out, but what your husband is doing isn't a federal offense -- particularly since he's the only milk-drinker in the house. However, a solution to your problem might be to separate a portion of the milk into another container, so that it will be available for guests should the need arise.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and my classmates are just beginning to "date." Sometimes what this means is, "Hey, do you want to go to my house, get drunk and have sex?" There's already a pregnant girl in our school. She's 12.

I'm trying not to get involved in any of this, but I'm constantly being teased for not holding a guy's hand, let alone not having had my first kiss. I have learned to deal with it, but my problem is there's this one guy who has been flirting with me.

"Jon" is sweet and nice, but he's part of the popular crowd. I'm afraid if he asks me out, he'll end up trying to get me drunk. He's different from the people he hangs out with, but I still don't know if I can trust him.

I want to stay a virgin until I get married. I won't drink until I'm 21, and I never intend to use drugs. But how do I say no if Jon asks me out and tries to have sex with me or gets me buzzed? I can't hide my entire junior high-to-high school life and not accept a date. Can you help? -- TOO YOUNG FOR TROUBLE, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR TOO YOUNG: There's an old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," and it's usually true. If the price of being popular at your school is being pregnant at 12, then accept that you are better off NOT running with the popular crowd, even if Jon is "nice."

Not all the students in your class are into sex and drinking. It's up to you to avoid the ones who are and socialize with the ones whose values are like yours. If you do, you will never have to worry about someone getting you "buzzed" and taking advantage of you.

Before you go anywhere with anyone, your parents should have met the person. There should be a clear understanding about where you'll be, what time you'll be home and which adult will be supervising.

Equally important: If you ever find yourself in a situation in which you are not comfortable, call your parents immediately so they can pick you up. Got it? You don't have to be a prude, but you do have to set boundaries, and your parents can and should help you to do that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in an awkward position. I started working for my uncle's plumbing business four months ago. I'm a laborer, not an apprentice or mechanic, so I don't know a lot about the trade. I'm not qualified to do a lot of the basic tasks like welding or pipe fitting, but I work hard. I come in early and stay late. I'm respectful and try to have a positive attitude.

The problem is most of the guys here regard me as the arrogant, spoiled nephew (which I'm not). They think I'm incapable and only got the job through my family ties.

How do I prove myself to them? I want to earn their respect. If I ask my uncle to talk to them, they won't trust me and it will make me look bad. Help me, please. -- UNDERESTIMATED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UNDERESTIMATED: I know it's difficult, but if you want to earn their respect, keep doing exactly what you are doing. Come in early, stay late and learn all you can about the business. In time, your efforts will be recognized. What you are experiencing is something that happens to anyone who enters a family business.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married almost four years. Recently I had some medical problems that were my wake-up call. I'm fine now, but I no longer am willing to wait for "someday."

I decided to try some new hobbies, one of which is skydiving. I had said for years I'd never do it because I'm afraid of heights. But I have changed my mind, and for me, this is a big deal.

When I asked my husband what he thought, his response was, "I'm not spending the day just to see you jump out of an airplane." Talk about disappointing!

I have always "gone with the flow" when he has wanted to do something. I know he doesn't want to go skydiving, but all I wanted was his support, and maybe someone to take a video or pictures.

His response has left me wondering about a lot of things. I have had enough of his negativity. He doesn't do anything except stay home. I guess I expected him to be excited for me, or to say he didn't want me doing it. The first is what I would have preferred. Now I'm not sure where I go from here. -- DISAPPOINTED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I hope you realize this letter isn't about skydiving, but your husband's refusal to help you celebrate your new lease on life.

A successful marriage is one in which a couple ideally grows TOGETHER. If your husband is unwilling or unable to do that, then "where you go from here" is to first ask him if he's willing to talk to a marriage counselor with you. If he's not, then schedule some sessions for yourself with a licensed professional and discuss the circumstances that led to your "wake-up call." It will help you rationally -- and unemotionally -- decide how best to enjoy this gift of life you have been given.

DEAR ABBY: You have addressed cellphone etiquette in your column before, but in this day and age it bears repeating.

We attended a meeting for parents and students last night at our child's high school. Inevitably, a cellphone rang, which can happen to anyone. The ring was quickly silenced.

A few minutes later, another cellphone started ringing. Rather than mute it, the parent answered it and proceeded to have a conversation during the meeting while a school staff person was making a presentation. It wasn't a long conversation, but it wasn't quiet either. The parent was sitting in the back row -- he could have easily slipped out to have this "important" conversation.

Thanks for letting me vent. It was extremely annoying and rude. Now I know why his son has no common sense. -- ANNOYED IN IOWA

DEAR ANNOYED: At most events an announcement is made beforehand that cellphones should be turned off. If there is an interruption, an experienced speaker will pause until the interruption ceases. From your letter, I assume that isn't what happened last night.

Children learn manners and common sense by watching their parents. If consideration for others isn't modeled for them, they don't learn it.