DEAR ABBY: My 1-year-old baby recently passed away. I have two other children, one with special needs. I find it irritating and not at all comforting when people tell me that "at least I have other children and that I should concentrate on them."

How can I politely tell them that I have never stopped taking care of my other children, and that nothing eases the pain of burying your child? -- MOURNING MY BABY IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your child. My heart goes out to you.

While I can imagine that you might be tempted to lash out at these insensitive individuals, I hope you realize their comments are made out of ignorance. Sometimes it isn't what you say as much as how you say it. In a case like this, exactly what you have written to me would be an appropriate response as long as it is said calmly and without anger.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was married for eight years before divorcing her cheating husband. They have two children. When my daughter found out about the affair, she was inconsolable. The girlfriend actually phoned her and said, "Why are you so upset? Everyone cheats!"

Now, two years later, the girlfriend is pregnant. My daughter would like a paternity test done before the kids are introduced to this new child. She thinks it would be harmful if they are introduced to a new half-sibling who may later prove to belong to another man. ("Everyone cheats"?)

What do you think about this? Is it wrong for my daughter to want proof that this is her ex's baby? He feels certain he's the father, but he also knows the other woman has kept in touch with her ex-boyfriend. -- JUST WONDERING IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If your daughter's ex wants to claim paternity without a paternity test, there is no legal basis I can think of to prevent him from being considered the father. While your daughter has reason to be angry at her ex and to dislike the woman with whom he cheated, she can't prevent her children from seeing the baby if he wants them to.

(P.S. You'd think her ex would WANT to know for certain, but it takes all kinds ...)

DEAR ABBY: What is the best way to answer your children when they ask if you have taken drugs? I smoked a little marijuana back in college, but stopped before graduation and I haven't done it since.

My children are about ready to go to high school. I have avoided answering their questions in the past, but I know I'll have to say something sometime. What? -- TONGUE-TIED IN ANYTOWN, USA

DEAR TONGUE-TIED: I don't believe in lying to children. When you are asked, tell them you tried it in college, didn't like it and considered it a waste of time. Then tell them that as long as they are living under your roof, using ANY illegal substance will not be condoned.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years. My father-in-law, "John," has always been a man of extremely few words with me. He mostly just ignores me when I'm around. I have mentioned it to my husband and mother-in-law over the years, and they say he's just "weird."

Last year, my brother-in-law married a nice woman, "Donna." It turns out that John talks just fine with her. He's not overly chatty, but he's friendly and polite. They had a 20-minute conversation on Christmas Eve, and I don't remember ever exchanging more than three sentences with the man. I'm naturally sociable and easygoing, and I don't know why John would treat me so rudely for so long.

Of course, I'm jealous. I would trade the father-in-law I have had for the one Donna has in a heartbeat. I'm so hurt and angry that I find it difficult to be in the same room with him now. I am seeing a therapist, which helps, but I'm still not sure how to get over this or how to proceed. Can you offer me some advice? -- LIKE I'M NOT HERE

DEAR LIKE: I'll try. There could be any number of reasons why your father-in-law has been unable to connect with you, and I can think of at least one that might have nothing to do with you. Has it occurred to you that this may have something to do with the way he feels about your husband? Sometimes the negative feelings a parent has toward a child can spill over onto the spouse. That might explain his warmer attitude toward your sister-in-law.

However, if that's not the case, then you will have to accept that people don't always have the same level of chemistry with everyone -- and your father-in-law isn't being intentionally hurtful. I have experienced this, and if you think about it, I'm sure you probably have, too.

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, although I hope the reason isn't your father-in-law. If being around him is uncomfortable for you, then limit the time you spend with your in-laws. That's what I'd do.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past 35 years I have saved all the cards, letters and photographs sent to me by friends. I thought it would be fun to make them into scrapbooks and give them back to those friends one day.

Now that I finally have the time to organize them all, I'm not so sure. They are pre-Facebook. There are lots of letters about their pregnancies, birth announcements, child-rearing experiences and holiday letters.

Can you ask your readers if they would welcome something like this or should I toss them all? It's time to clean house. -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: I'll put the question out there, but the people who really should answer are the friends for whom you're thinking of creating those scrapbooks. Speaking for myself, I think they would be priceless gifts, but I can't answer for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. Yesterday, they told our class that one of my friend's parents had died suddenly. Every single person in our grade cried, except for me. I felt bad about not crying for my friend's loss, but I just didn't.

Another friend told me that last night people were texting, and it had been mentioned several times that I wasn't crying and that it looked like I didn't care, even though I do. I feel bad about not crying, but I don't want to lie and say that I did. Please help me. -- DRY-EYED IN COLORADO

DEAR DRY-EYED: If you feel that any explanation is called for, simply say that when you heard the news you were so stunned that you couldn't cry. Your reaction is very common. When bad news is conveyed, some people are just struck numb. Believe me, not everyone who can cry on command is necessarily grieving.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Chico," and I have been going together for six years. We have discussed marriage, but for the past few months he has become distant and not as loving as he once was. Chico is the dependent type who often needs to be reminded by his parents or me about things he needs to do.

When I asked Chico what was going on, he said he is confused and he thinks he relies too much on his parents and me for direction.

He said he didn't want to break up, but he would like some time alone. He assured me there is no one else involved and he wants to continue talking on the phone to me once in a while.

I don't know what to do! Should I believe what he is saying about needing time, or do you think this is Chico's way of telling me it's over? -- HEARTBROKEN IN HOBOKEN

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Frankly, I think Chico is trying to break it to you gently that it's over. Wish him well and let him go.

You probably meant well, but the problem with giving someone "directions" is, it prevents that person's own compass from guiding him where he needs to go. Look at it this way: This may be a period of growth for Chico and for you as well.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating someone over the last two years and our relationship has had a lot of ups and downs. We are in our 50s and we have both been married before.

The problem is, he thinks he always has to be right. He'll never admit to being wrong. We love each other and spend most of our time together, but every time we have an argument, he calls our relationship off. I am always the one who calls to patch things up. Should I let this relationship go once and for all? -- TIRED OF THE DRAMA IN ATLANTA

DEAR TIRED OF THE DRAMA: Yes, I think so. Your gentleman friend has an unhealthy way of dealing with conflict. Unless your idea of a happy marriage is one in which you are always the peacemaker, I doubt it would last.