DEAR ABBY: I read your Jan. 8 column about the warning signs of an abuser. Would you use your influence to say that men are also victims of abuse?

My son was in a three-year relationship with a woman who scored 15 out of 15 on your list. We knew it was a toxic relationship, but he couldn't see that.

The night he came to us for help, battered and bloody, I finally took a stand. It took six months to get her out of his life. My son was ashamed to be a battered man, and she had told him that men who call 911 go to jail. It kept him from calling.

Please, Abby, help to change that. If you use this, please keep me anonymous. He thinks I'm an "interfering mom," but at least he's not being abused anymore. I love him and miss him terribly. -- INTERFERING MOM

DEAR MOM: I'm glad you wrote so I can emphasize that abusers can be members of both sexes, from every economic level and sexual orientation. I received a TON of mail about this:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for including both "he and she" in the warning signs of abusers. My second marriage was a sad and unhealthy rebound affair. My ex was attractive, talented and host to multiple addictions -- risky sexual encounters with men and women, cocaine, alcohol and marijuana. I became aware of her blackouts and outrageous behavior just before our wedding.

I finally left after two years to avoid committing a crime in response to her physical abuse, chronic infidelities, psychological cruelty and pathological intoxication. Please urge men to report their abusers, file charges and flee bad situations! I had no way of knowing what lay ahead for me back then.

Do you have advice for other men contemplating marriage to a pretty party girl? Today I'm happily married to a deeply beautiful and noble woman, and grateful to have found her. -- SET FREE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SET FREE: I think you've stated it well. All I can add is that men who suffer physical abuse at the hands of a partner should go to an emergency room for treatment so their injuries can be documented, then file a formal complaint and end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: Gay people need to read those warning signs because abusers abound in the gay community, too. I have gay and lesbian friends who were involved with abusers. Gay and lesbian centers offer counseling for this. LGBT people face the same problems as straights do. -- MIKE IN DAYTONA

DEAR ABBY: I spent four years in a relationship before I realized I was being abused. My lady friend pushed for a lifelong commitment within a month of our meeting, was jealous and controlling, shut my friends out, cursed and hit me on more than one occasion and, when I protested, she'd say she was "just trying to get my attention," or "I only got what I deserved." When I finally told her I was leaving, she threatened to kill me.

I have since learned that lots of men suffer psychological damage and physical danger from an abusive spouse or partner. Please inform your male readers they can get help from a skilled therapist or counselor by calling the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women at 888-7HELPLINE (888-743-5754) in the U.S. and Canada. The website is DAHMW.org. -- PROFESSIONAL MAN IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: I recently exchanged pleasantries via email and text messaging with a lady I met on a website. One day later, I received a message from her stating she'd prefer our method of communication be kept to email and texting because she wasn't much of a phone talker.

Over the past few months, I have been out a number of times with other women who also expressed their preference to keep communication limited to email and texting. Is this becoming common?

I may be old-fashioned because I feel interpersonal relationships -- especially initially -- should include the element of voice inflection. I think it's more effective than a guessing game that only a full page of text can provide. Am I wrong? -- WANTS TO TALK IN RENO

DEAR WANTS TO TALK: I don't think you are wrong, and I happen to agree with you. I, too, usually learn more from a spoken conversation than from an email or text because I can distinguish whether the person is joking or being serious. But you and I are becoming the minority. Today many younger people feel more comfortable communicating online -- at least initially.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently returned to the family business to become the general manager. He is in control of hiring new employees, and he recently told me they need to hire more people. I have mentioned several times my interest in working there as an administrative assistant. However, my husband either changes the subject or gets angry when I ask about it.

It hurts my feelings that I am the person raising his children, but am not good enough to work in the family business! I also know it's not because of lack of experience. This makes me question the strength and value of our marriage. -- HURT FEELINGS IN OREGON

DEAR HURT FEELINGS: While I can see that you might be disappointed, what I regard as your problem may be the lack of honest communication between you and your husband. He may have reasons for preferring you not work in the family business that have nothing to do with the strength or value of your marriage. It might be that he is new in his position as general manager, that working in ANY family business can be stressful, that he'd prefer separation between his working life and his family life, or that other family members might object.

Let the subject rest for a while, and when you do raise it again, try to do it in a non-confrontational manner. If you do, he may be more open and less defensive with you about what his reasons are. And if you would prefer to work outside the home in addition to raising the children, consider submitting your resumes to other companies.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are approaching our 25th anniversary. We don't have a lot of money to spend on a large party (our sons are 14 and 17). Are there inexpensive solutions? I'd prefer not to have it at our house. -- STUMPED IN GEORGIA

DEAR STUMPED: Because you don't want to entertain at your home, consider holding the celebration at a park, limiting the guest list and making it a potluck.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a tricky situation. My boyfriend of four years, "Ian," and I took a break from our relationship for two months because he was scared he'd miss out on the single life. We started hanging out again soon after, and everything fell into place.

We were talking recently, and he mentioned that he's planning to move across the country to San Francisco to be near his family. He made it plain he wants to live on the West Coast "forever." I am close to my family -- closer than Ian is to his.

We're both 24, and while we're not going to get engaged anytime soon, I'm not sure what to do. We love each other, but the geography is causing so many issues. Please advise. -- NEW YORK GIRL

DEAR N.Y. GIRL: It's good that you and Ian aren't planning on becoming engaged anytime soon, because you have some serious thinking to do. If you plan on having a family and want your parents to be close to their grandchildren, it would be better for you to find another boyfriend. I'm advising you and Ian to take another break -- this time for YOUR benefit -- to see which is more important to you: the man or the location.

DEAR ABBY: This "issue" with my wife may seem trivial, but it's making me crazy. I like to cook; she doesn't. When I cook it's an expression of love, and our family sits down together to enjoy the meal. We don't watch TV and we don't answer the phone. Sounds ideal, wouldn't you say?

The problem is, after I put the food on the table, my wife gets up and starts pulling other food from the fridge to microwave. Or she'll start making a salad.

These last-minute additions make me furious. She knows it, but won't stop. Either she "doesn't want the leftover to go bad" or she thinks something is "missing" from the table.

I say she should prepare these additions while I'm making dinner so everything will be on the table at the same time, or else forget it. What do you think? -- STEAMING IN THE KITCHEN IN TEXAS

DEAR STEAMING: Is the layout of your kitchen conducive to tandem cooking? If it's not, that may be why your wife goes in there after you're no longer using it. Do you tell your wife what you will be preparing for dinner and ask if there is anything else she wants included? That may prompt her to think ahead so she wouldn't have to get up and leave the table.

If the answer to my questions is yes, then there may be something going on in your relationship for which she's trying to punish you.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter goes to a preschool in a church where we are not members. Pastor "Joe" is very involved with the classes, often chatting with the parents and calling them by their first names.

I have seen him around town various times, but I'm never sure how to address him. I feel strange calling him "Pastor" since he isn't my minister. On the other hand, calling him "Joe" doesn't quite seem right either.

How should a man of the cloth be greeted on the street? -- FEELING AWKWARD IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: I think you're asking the wrong person. Why not ask HIM how he'd like to be addressed? I remember a delightful priest in Chicago, who when meeting people would immediately say, "Call me John." I used to refer to him as Father Call-Me-John.