DEAR ABBY: My 83-year-old mother has decided she wants to die. She says she's miserable, but I think she's causing her own misery. She has medications to address her physical ailments -- none of which are critical. My siblings live in other states. Mom feels it's a "burden" for them to travel to see her, and she refuses to travel.

Mom is in assisted living and is now refusing to bathe, trying not to eat, and doesn't want to talk to anyone or have visitors. She's obviously depressed, but refuses counseling. If she continues being uncooperative, I'm afraid she'll have to go to a nursing home where they might let her starve herself to death.

One sister says I should force Mom to do fun things, but I don't know what she wants. We used to go out to eat, but she no longer wants to do that. I have tried to honor Mom's wishes, but I'm at a loss about what to do for her. Do you have any suggestions? -- ALMOST AT WITS' END

DEAR ALMOST: I have one. You and your siblings should have your mother evaluated by a geriatrician IMMEDIATELY. It's apparent that she is depressed, but the question is whether she also has something physically wrong with her that is affecting her mental state. Then let the doctor be your guide.

DEAR ABBY: I dated my ex for six years, but we broke up recently. The problem is, we signed a lease on our apartment that won't be up until next year. He still lives here, and I don't have the heart to kick him out. Financially, our living together makes sense, and I'd rather live with him than with a stranger.

Abby, this living arrangement has made it tough to get over him. Our breakup was amicable -- somewhat -- and we remain civil to each other. I have no desire to get back together with him. I just find it hard because I'm not sure how to survive this weird situation I'm in. Is it a good idea to keep living together? -- REMAINING CIVIL IN CANADA

DEAR REMAINING CIVIL: It depends upon how high your tolerance is for pain. If seeing your ex with others hurts to the extent that you shed tears on your pillow, or obsess about who he's with and where he's going, then it's not a good idea. However, if the situation can't be changed, then it's important that you fill your time with activities and opportunities that allow you to meet new people and make new friends.

DEAR ABBY: My new husband's family informed him they were coming to visit us for seven to 10 days. This was eight relatives, and I was not asked whether this was convenient or not. They were so noisy that our neighbors finally asked, "When are they leaving?"

How can I prevent this from happening again in the future without offending anyone? My husband said after they had left, "You don't handle chaos and confusion well, do you?" -- NEEDS TO BE CONSULTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEEDS TO BE CONSULTED: Revisit the question your husband asked you. And when you do, tell him the answer is not only do you NOT handle chaos, confusion and eight surprise houseguests well, neither do your neighbors. Then set some boundaries for the next time they say they are coming. His first response should always be, "I'll check with my wife to see if it's convenient."

DEAR ABBY: It has been a year since my mother passed away. The month of February was especially tough because it was the month of her birthday and also the month in which she died.

Mother's Day will be here soon, and I'm already feeling bitter, anticipating all of the commercials, advertising, brunches and everything. I don't want to be bitter about Mother's Day, but I am. How do people typically celebrate Mother's Day when they have lost their mother? -- JODY IN KEARNEY, NEB.

DEAR JODY: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. If you have siblings, you might find it comforting to talk with them about your feelings. If not, then spend the day quietly, being grateful for the precious time you had with your mother and the many lessons she taught you. I can't speak for others, but that's how I have coped with the loss of my mother, and I'm sure others do it, too.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Glen," and I have been dating for two years. Over the past few months he has been pushing me to open a joint checking account with him.

I have tried explaining that I don't feel like it's a good idea until we are engaged. But every time I say no, he gets upset and angry. Am I wrong for not wanting to put our finances together, and how do I make him see my side? -- CAREFUL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CAREFUL: You are absolutely NOT wrong, and you should not have to justify your discomfort with the idea of pooling your money with anyone to whom you are not married. In fact, Glen should be trying to explain why he is pushing you into making such a foolish decision.

His "anger and upset" are either attempts to bully you into doing what he wants, or a sign of desperation to get access to your hard-earned money. If you are at all tempted to relent, I URGE you to first talk to a lawyer about what the ramifications could be if the relationship went sour.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 15-year-old next-door neighbor who loves to come to my house and visit when my preschool-age grandchildren are here. She always overstays her welcome, staying past the girls' bedtimes.

I know the girl is lonely and doesn't have many friends, but I want some private family time with my grandchildren. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it is starting to interfere with my visits with my grandchildren. Please help. -- GRRR-ANDMA IN TERRE HAUTE

DEAR GRRR-ANDMA: I feel sorry for your lonely neighbor, who not only doesn't have many friends, but may also not have a grandmother in her life. Your relationship with your granddaughters may be the only taste she has of what this special, loving bond is like.

I don't think you should cut her off completely. However, it is important that you have a private chat with the girl and explain that you would prefer she limit her visits to once a week (or two) because your grandchildren need alone time with you.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A happy Easter to all of you!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with a problem. Because of my buzzed short hair, slim hips and flat chest, I frequently get mistaken for a boy. It really bothers me because, despite my haircut and body shape, I have a feminine face and I wear women's clothes and makeup. I'm not too much of a tomboy.

Sometimes when someone addresses me with a male pronoun or in some other way mistakes me for a male, I'm too nervous to correct them. Is there a clever or witty way to correct the mistake? -- NOT A BOY IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR NOT A BOY: The person who made the mistake is the one who should be embarrassed, not you. If it happens again, all you need to do is smile and say, "I'm all girl."

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman, and I am considering proposing to her. We have discussed engagement rings and she wants to design her own, which I think is great. However, I am unsure exactly what to do regarding the actual proposal. What ring should I give her, knowing that whatever I give her will not be her ultimate engagement ring? -- SOON TO POP THE QUESTION

DEAR SOON TO POP: Marriage proposals happen in many situations and in many ways. There are no rules, and dropping to one knee and offering a ring is optional. The engagement does not begin when a woman starts wearing a ring; it begins when she accepts the proposal. All you need to do is say, "Will you marry me?" When she says yes, you can then decide when you both would like to select a stone for her engagement ring.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend asked me to be executor of her estate a few years ago, and I agreed. As time has passed, the details of the estate have changed several times. After the recent death of her husband, she again changed the beneficiaries and is now leaving almost half a million dollars to two animal shelters.

It's her money to do with as she chooses, and I don't judge her. I do, however, have a problem executing an estate that gives that much money to animal care when it could help so many people. I don't fault her for wanting to do it; I just don't want to be part of it. I'm afraid asking her to find another executor would damage or end our friendship. Please tell me what to do. -- DILEMMA IN TEXAS

DEAR DILEMMA: Let's face it. You ARE judging the woman and you DO fault her for wanting to leave a fortune to four-footed needy creatures instead of bipeds. Because you are uncomfortable with her plan, you must tell her she needs to find another executor who is as committed to animal causes as she is. You'll be doing her a favor.