DEAR ABBY: I married a great guy a short while ago. It's the second marriage for both of us. He's good to my kids, my parents, and even gets along with my ex-husband.

"Stan" moved into my home after we married. There's only one major problem I'm having trouble dealing with: He goes through all my things, from my mail to my closet. I have caught him going through my glove compartment, the trunk of my car and anything else he can get his hands on.

He says he has a "right" to do it "because we are married," but I don't look at it that way. His first marriage did not go well. His ex didn't cheat on him, so I don't know where this is coming from.

Abby, I am squeaky clean. I have never given him any reason not to trust me. I believe he's just nosy. Meanwhile, I feel violated.

I have tried talking to him about it, but he just doesn't get it. Please help before I end my new marriage. -- THE NEW MRS. IN DELAWARE

DEAR NEW MRS.: "Great guys" do not rifle through their wives' mail and personal belongings after having been asked not to. You say your husband's first marriage didn't go well, and she didn't cheat on him. Do you know what did cause their divorce?

Your husband's obsession with searching through your belongings is not normal behavior. There may be a chapter in his life you know nothing about.

Because you have asked him to stop, and he is either unwilling or unable to, it may take help from a licensed psychotherapist to get to the bottom of it. Of course, in order for that to happen, your husband would have to be willing. If he isn't, you may indeed have to decide whether you can live with this "quirk" of his or would be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher who loves my job. Now that the school year is winding down, may I ask you to pass on this suggestion to all the wonderful parents who send in gifts to their children's teachers?

My family has food allergies. For this reason, unless the lovingly baked goodies have ALL the ingredients listed on the wrapping paper, my family cannot enjoy them. I usually pass on these goodies to other teachers and neighbors. (Please don't think I'm not appreciative; this is purely a medical precaution.)

If I may suggest a gift idea: gift certificates for all kinds of flowers. How often do we receive the joy of flowers? Thank you for passing this along. -- EDUCATOR IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR EDUCATOR: You're welcome. While gift certificates for flowers are a wonderful idea, I'm sure a gift certificate for school supplies would also be welcomed, because many teachers purchase supplies for their classrooms out of their own funds.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to those men and women of our armed services who laid down their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have a very hard time expressing my condolences. I panic and avoid sadness at all costs. I'll give you two examples: My boss's husband died. (I worked for him, too.) Because I couldn't talk to her, I avoided her like she had the plague.

Another time, a close friend's son tried to commit suicide and severely injured himself. Instead of hugging my friend's wife and asking how she was, I waved and went on like I was late for something.

I'm ashamed of my behavior. How can I stop myself from acting like this? -- EMBARRASSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: One way would be to ask yourself WHY you're afraid of confronting someone's sadness. Is it fear that doing so will bring you to tears, and you want to avoid the emotion? Because you are feeling shame, I don't think it is lack of empathy.

Being prepared in advance may help you reach out when a condolence is needed. All you have to say is, "I'm sorry for your loss," or, "I'm sorry about what you're going through." In some cases, the person may want to exchange a few words about it, but in others they won't.

Please stop beating yourself up about this. Many people don't know what to say, or blurt out something inappropriate because they're uncomfortable with their own feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small bakery. We have a very nice baker here who is an older gentleman. When he gets frustrated, he will shout out, "Son-of-a-rabbit-chaser!" We all laugh and have asked him what that saying actually means. He told us his father used to say it.

Now the entire bakery is trying to guess what this saying's true meaning and origin is. Can you help us out?

My boss seems to think a "rabbit chaser" is referring to a greyhound dog because they chase rabbits. I don't think that makes sense. I'm wondering if maybe it refers to a dirty old man chasing a younger woman, but that doesn't really make sense either. If you can shed any light on this, we would all appreciate it. -- DYING TO KNOW IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR DYING TO KNOW: According to my dictionary of American slang, when someone starts an exclamation with "son-of-a," it is usually to express "anger, annoyance, amazement or disappointment."

The animals that usually chase rabbits are dogs. Your baker may have grown up hearing his father use the expression because back then gentlemen weren't supposed to say "SOB" in front of ladies or impressionable children because it was considered too crude for tender ears. Ahh, those were the good old days.

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with my friend. We're both on the cross-country team, but I can run farther than she can. When she stops to walk, I continue to run, but when I do, it makes her very upset. She says I should stop running and walk with her. But if I do that, I will lose valuable mileage.

I don't know what to do. Should I wait for her? -- SWIFTY IN NEVADA

DEAR SWIFTY: No, you shouldn't. Each of you should proceed according to your ability. Please discuss this with your coach. I know she (or he) will back me up on this.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and entering my junior year of high school. My boyfriend, "Jonah," and I have been dating for almost a year and we would like to become sexually active, but I'm scared condoms won't cut it. I have tried talking to my mom about it, but she doesn't think I should go on birth control.

Abby, I'm just trying to keep the risk of getting pregnant as low as possible. I'm not sure my mom understands that. What should I do? I know for sure my mother will find out if I go to my doctor and talk privately about this with her. Please help me because I'm just trying to protect myself. -- PRACTICAL TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR PRACTICAL TEEN: You appear to be a levelheaded young woman who is trying to make mature decisions. Discussing sex with parents can be difficult -- not only for you, but also for them.

If you are willing to talk about this with your mother again, try using a magazine, a TV show or my column as a jumping-off point to start the conversation. Sometimes it may take more than one talk to feel comfortable disclosing your personal feelings and intentions.

You should be able to get confidential health services from your doctor or another health care provider. Depending upon where you live, however, parental permission may be needed. You will have to check to find out.

In terms of birth control methods, hormonal birth control is effective when used correctly. But using hormonal birth control and a condom together offers the best protection from both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

For many years, I have recommended Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org) for reproductive health services, which include information, contraception, testing and education about a full range of options for women, men and teens across the United States. Its services are confidential and comply with relevant laws, which may vary from state to state.

Some Planned Parenthood centers scale their charges according to income, and most accept health insurance. Your local Planned Parenthood health center can give you specific information about costs and policies. If you qualify, Medicaid or other state programs may lower the costs.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's bad that my two girls don't see their father? I don't keep them from him. He's welcome to see them, but he is now remarried and has never asked for them. He left our household 10 years ago.

To be honest, the girls don't even talk about him anymore. Is it OK to let them go on with their lives with the family members who are in it? -- NEW MEXICO MOMMY

DEAR NEW MEXICO MOMMY: It's sad that your daughters have no relationship with their father. However, because he has shown no interest in having one with them, you have no option but to let them go on with their lives.

The question that comes to mind is, has he been supporting the girls financially? If the answer is no, you should have gotten a lawyer involved 10 years ago.