DEAR ABBY: I suffered a serious accident at work and have endured numerous surgeries, with another on the horizon. Because the injuries are in the cervical and lumbar areas, they are not visible.

Last week, I parked my car in a handicapped spot in the supermarket parking lot. Having a proper tag on my license plate, I didn't think twice about it. As I entered the store, a woman who had parked nearby started shouting at me, saying I shouldn't have parked where I did. I indicated she should read my plate, to which she then replied that I was "phony" for taking advantage of the system. I imagine she thought this because I was walking unaided that day.

Abby, please inform your readers that not all injuries are visible and not to assume that someone is taking advantage because he or she doesn't meet your expectations of how a disabled person "should" appear. -- HURTING IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURTING: Gladly. This subject has appeared in my column before. You are correct that not all disabilities are visible. One that comes to mind would be a heart problem that prevents a patient from walking long distances. Another would be multiple sclerosis.

Readers, if you are concerned that someone is gaming the system, rather than confront the person, write down the license number of the car with the handicap plate and inform the Department of Motor Vehicles. If you are correct, the authorities will be interested in that information. And if you are not, you won't have caused someone who already has problems additional distress.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Gilbert" for more than 30 years. We have always managed to resolve our differences in a relatively short time, but this time I'm not too sure.

Our son was married last weekend, and because we're of Celtic heritage, I chose to wear a beautiful dress from Ireland. Because it has short sleeves I brought a shawl to keep warm. When I asked my husband why he never said I looked nice, he replied he didn't know whether I looked nice because he "couldn't see me under that damned blanket!"

I was stunned. I wore the shawl only when I was near the door because it was cold there. I danced with him and several others many times and didn't have it on then. I must have told Gil at least 20 times how handsome he looked, and so did everyone else. The shawl may have been a little big on me because I am only 5 feet tall and weigh 95 pounds. But I didn't think I looked hideous.

I'm hurt over his remark, and we haven't really spoken for several days. What can I do to get past this awful feeling that we're going in opposite directions? -- OFFENDED IN THE EAST

DEAR OFFENDED: A good beginning would be to ask your husband why he made such a mean-spirited remark. He owes you an apology for his tactlessness. If he really hadn't thought you were dressed appropriately for your son's wedding, he should have mentioned it BEFORE you left the house so you could change if you wished. Slamming you afterward wasn't helpful, and your hurt feelings are understandable. But unless you have other reasons for worrying that you might be headed "in opposite directions," don't let this be blown out of proportion.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young, recently married woman. My husband and I are about at the point where we're thinking of having kids. My brother married a close friend of mine soon after my wedding, and my sister-in-law has a medical condition that may prevent her from having children.

I am very close to my brother and his wife, and I can see the writing on the wall. She has mentioned surrogacy once in passing, as a possible alternative if she can't have kids. If I am asked to be the surrogate, what advice do you have? I'd be more than willing to consider it, but only after my husband and I have had our own children.

If I do it, would it be selfish of me to expect some compensation for my time and the toll it will take on my body? I want to be ready if and when I'm asked. What would be the best way to explain my reasoning to her? -- BACKUP MOM IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR BACKUP: You may be jumping the gun, because you do not yet know how your body will tolerate a pregnancy. Not all women have easy pregnancies, and if you're one of them, you may be less willing to be a surrogate. As to monetary compensation for wear and tear, that's a question you should ask a lawyer because compensation may not be allowed in the state in which you reside.

You, together with your brother and sister-in-law, should also discuss with a mental health professional the emotional issues that may arise -- such as everyone's expectations about what will happen when the baby arrives, what might happen if there is a death, a divorce, a move, and what your role would be -- whether you will be the birth mother or a legal aunt, etc. All of this should be clarified if your sister-in-law asks you to be her surrogate.

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired for the second time. At 70, I applied for a job online, was interviewed by a company and hired. I could hardly believe it. Three years later, I was having a medical problem, so I thought it best to retire again if I couldn't do the work I was hired to do.

After a month of rest I feel fine now. My husband thinks I was overworked. I want to get another job. Abby, why do I feel the need to still work? Most of my friends tell me to enjoy life, sit back and relax, but my work defined me and I loved it. Shouldn't I try working again if my health continues to improve? -- NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE: Not everyone is happy in retirement. Some people need the routine of work and the stimulation of being around other people. Also, not everyone ages at the same rate.

However, it's important to listen to your body and pace yourself. There's a saying, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." If your last job drained you to the point of illness, choose something that is less taxing (either full-time or part-time). You'll enjoy your life and last longer if you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Brit, now living in the U.S. When, upon departing, someone says, "Have a good one!" what is the correct response? -- PUZZLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUZZLED: Some people respond, "Thanks, the same to you." Others have been known to say, "Thanks, I'm already having one!"

The important thing is to always say "thank you."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mike," and I are young newlyweds and adjusting to our new life quite well. However, while we both come from deeply religious families, we are both nonbelievers, which has caused some strife within the family.

Mike has several nieces and nephews (ages 4 to 9) who have asked us repeatedly why we don't go to church with them, since the whole family attends together. Their mother has made it clear that they do not want the children knowing there is another option besides Christianity, and I understand, since their faith is so important to them. But I don't want to lie to the kids or ignore their questions. Is there a tactful way to answer their questions without stepping on toes? -- NEVER ON SUNDAY

DEAR NEVER: You could respond by saying, "Your uncle and I have other plans." And if the kids ask what they are, tell them what you plan to do that day. If they ask why you don't come to church like they do, tell them that because they are children they need to learn about their religion. When they are adults, they can choose to go -- or not.

While I respect your in-laws' desire to practice their faith, I think it is unrealistic to try to keep children in the dark because as soon as they hit school -- unless they are home-schooled or in a church-run school -- they are going to meet other kids who worship differently or not at all.

DEAR ABBY: I am a male victim of domestic violence. I was traumatized for five years at the hands of my ex. I suffered through name-calling, physical and sexual abuse. Once, when she was upset, she hit me with her car and dragged me across our parking lot.

I tried several times to leave only to find that in my community there was no help for men in situations like mine. There are women's shelters everywhere, but none that cater to men and their children. I ended up having to return home, and things just got worse.

I finally left with the shirt on my back and a few belongings. Because I couldn't find help, I slept on the street.

I am now a survivor and attending school to become a social worker. I have been trying to raise awareness of men as abuse victims, but it's an uphill battle. Why? -- EMPOWERED IN CENTRAL WISCONSIN

DEAR EMPOWERED: It's probably because of outdated gender stereotypes and lack of awareness by the law enforcement in your community that women as well as men can be psychopaths. When your wife ran you down in the parking lot, she should have wound up behind bars, assuming the police were called.

While female-on-male domestic violence is reported less often than male-on-female violence, it does happen, as anyone who reads my column regularly knows. Men who need help should call the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women -- the toll-free number is 888-743-5754 -- because help is available.