DEAR ABBY: More and more of my friends are trying to work and take care of parents who have Alzheimer's disease. One of my closest friends' husbands was recently diagnosed with it. He is only 62. I thought Alzheimer's was only memory loss, but it seems like so much more. His personality has changed. She tells me he gets angry with her when she tries to help him.

What exactly is Alzheimer's, and what can be done to stop it? -- UNSURE IN OAK PARK, ILLINOIS

DEAR UNSURE: I'm sorry to say -- from personal experience -- that Alzheimer's disease, while often thought of as "minor memory loss," is a disease that is ultimately fatal. Its cause is not yet understood. I lost my mother to it. Alzheimer's kills nerve cells and tissue in the brain, causing it to shrink dramatically. It affects a person's ability to communicate, to think and, eventually, to breathe. At least 44 million people worldwide are now living with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias. As our populations age, those numbers will swell to 76 million by 2030.

Currently there is no way to prevent, stop or even to slow the progression of Alzheimer's disease. Some drugs manage the symptoms, but only temporarily. This is why more funding for Alzheimer's and more support for the families who are caring for loved ones who have it are so urgently needed. Please suggest to your friend that she contact the Alzheimer's Association for help because it offers support groups for spouses.

Readers, June is Alzheimer's and Brain Awareness Month. If you are concerned about Alzheimer's disease -- and we all should be -- you can get involved by joining the global fight against this very nasty disease. To learn more, visit alz.org/abam.

DEAR ABBY: I'm currently dating a man who is 10 years older than I am. I'm 24; he's 34. We have known each other for two years and we live together. He has two beautiful daughters I adore.

His older daughter, "Pearl" (age 12), called me "Mom" the other night, and then asked me if it was OK. I'm not their mother, and I would never try to take that role away from my boyfriend's ex, but this puts me in an awkward situation. As much as I love his girls, I don't want to cause drama or have Pearl get in trouble with her mother. -- SHE CALLED ME MOM

DEAR CALLED ME MOM: Talk to Pearl. Tell her you were touched knowing she feels that way about you and deeply flattered when she called you "Mom," but you feel if her mother knew about it that she would be hurt. (This is especially true if the girls live with their mother.) Then ask Pearl to come up with another affectionate name for you, or suggest one to her.

DEAR ABBY: I suffered a serious accident at work and have endured numerous surgeries, with another on the horizon. Because the injuries are in the cervical and lumbar areas, they are not visible.

Last week, I parked my car in a handicapped spot in the supermarket parking lot. Having a proper tag on my license plate, I didn't think twice about it. As I entered the store, a woman who had parked nearby started shouting at me, saying I shouldn't have parked where I did. I indicated she should read my plate, to which she then replied that I was "phony" for taking advantage of the system. I imagine she thought this because I was walking unaided that day.

Abby, please inform your readers that not all injuries are visible and not to assume that someone is taking advantage because he or she doesn't meet your expectations of how a disabled person "should" appear. -- HURTING IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURTING: Gladly. This subject has appeared in my column before. You are correct that not all disabilities are visible. One that comes to mind would be a heart problem that prevents a patient from walking long distances. Another would be multiple sclerosis.

Readers, if you are concerned that someone is gaming the system, rather than confront the person, write down the license number of the car with the handicap plate and inform the Department of Motor Vehicles. If you are correct, the authorities will be interested in that information. And if you are not, you won't have caused someone who already has problems additional distress.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Gilbert" for more than 30 years. We have always managed to resolve our differences in a relatively short time, but this time I'm not too sure.

Our son was married last weekend, and because we're of Celtic heritage, I chose to wear a beautiful dress from Ireland. Because it has short sleeves I brought a shawl to keep warm. When I asked my husband why he never said I looked nice, he replied he didn't know whether I looked nice because he "couldn't see me under that damned blanket!"

I was stunned. I wore the shawl only when I was near the door because it was cold there. I danced with him and several others many times and didn't have it on then. I must have told Gil at least 20 times how handsome he looked, and so did everyone else. The shawl may have been a little big on me because I am only 5 feet tall and weigh 95 pounds. But I didn't think I looked hideous.

I'm hurt over his remark, and we haven't really spoken for several days. What can I do to get past this awful feeling that we're going in opposite directions? -- OFFENDED IN THE EAST

DEAR OFFENDED: A good beginning would be to ask your husband why he made such a mean-spirited remark. He owes you an apology for his tactlessness. If he really hadn't thought you were dressed appropriately for your son's wedding, he should have mentioned it BEFORE you left the house so you could change if you wished. Slamming you afterward wasn't helpful, and your hurt feelings are understandable. But unless you have other reasons for worrying that you might be headed "in opposite directions," don't let this be blown out of proportion.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young, recently married woman. My husband and I are about at the point where we're thinking of having kids. My brother married a close friend of mine soon after my wedding, and my sister-in-law has a medical condition that may prevent her from having children.

I am very close to my brother and his wife, and I can see the writing on the wall. She has mentioned surrogacy once in passing, as a possible alternative if she can't have kids. If I am asked to be the surrogate, what advice do you have? I'd be more than willing to consider it, but only after my husband and I have had our own children.

If I do it, would it be selfish of me to expect some compensation for my time and the toll it will take on my body? I want to be ready if and when I'm asked. What would be the best way to explain my reasoning to her? -- BACKUP MOM IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR BACKUP: You may be jumping the gun, because you do not yet know how your body will tolerate a pregnancy. Not all women have easy pregnancies, and if you're one of them, you may be less willing to be a surrogate. As to monetary compensation for wear and tear, that's a question you should ask a lawyer because compensation may not be allowed in the state in which you reside.

You, together with your brother and sister-in-law, should also discuss with a mental health professional the emotional issues that may arise -- such as everyone's expectations about what will happen when the baby arrives, what might happen if there is a death, a divorce, a move, and what your role would be -- whether you will be the birth mother or a legal aunt, etc. All of this should be clarified if your sister-in-law asks you to be her surrogate.

DEAR ABBY: I recently retired for the second time. At 70, I applied for a job online, was interviewed by a company and hired. I could hardly believe it. Three years later, I was having a medical problem, so I thought it best to retire again if I couldn't do the work I was hired to do.

After a month of rest I feel fine now. My husband thinks I was overworked. I want to get another job. Abby, why do I feel the need to still work? Most of my friends tell me to enjoy life, sit back and relax, but my work defined me and I loved it. Shouldn't I try working again if my health continues to improve? -- NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE: Not everyone is happy in retirement. Some people need the routine of work and the stimulation of being around other people. Also, not everyone ages at the same rate.

However, it's important to listen to your body and pace yourself. There's a saying, "You can fool Mother Nature, but you can't fool Father Time." If your last job drained you to the point of illness, choose something that is less taxing (either full-time or part-time). You'll enjoy your life and last longer if you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Brit, now living in the U.S. When, upon departing, someone says, "Have a good one!" what is the correct response? -- PUZZLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUZZLED: Some people respond, "Thanks, the same to you." Others have been known to say, "Thanks, I'm already having one!"

The important thing is to always say "thank you."