DEAR ABBY: I just found out that my husband of 30 years is having an affair. When I confronted him, he said: "I have a girlfriend. I can't imagine the rest of my life without girlfriends, so get over it!" Then he told me he has never been faithful, but that he loves me and would be devastated if I left. He considers his fooling around to be "safe and harmless escapades."

Abby, my heart is broken. He has flaunted this woman in my face, and embarrassed and humiliated me in public. Now he's angry with me because I told her husband what is going on.

How do I find the strength and courage to leave? I have some health issues and haven't worked in years. What do I tell our kids? My world is crashing down around my ears. -- HEARTBROKEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your husband's "escapades" are neither safe nor harmless to YOU. His behavior is callous, hurtful and disrespectful.

It's very important that you remain calm and do nothing in haste. You will be better able to weigh your options if you talk to an attorney and find out what you're entitled to after having been married to this man for 30 years. And if you feel it would be helpful, find a licensed counselor to talk to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a new husband, and things I thought I could tolerate before we were married are really bugging me now. I raised a daughter with another woman, and my current wife deleted every picture of her -- from sonograms to her second birthday -- and won't let me keep anything of hers.

I understand she wants our lives to be about us, but I try to keep it separate and the resentments are starting to fester. I'd confront her, but she's pregnant and has been extra emotional about me even leaving for work.

What do I do? Should I wait eight more months for the baby and then say something? I'm afraid I will snap before then. -- NEW HUSBAND IN WYOMING

DEAR NEW HUSBAND: I'm no doctor, but you and your wife need to consult one. She appears to be suffering from severe emotional problems. Her internist and gynecologist should be told what's going on so she can start counseling and possibly medication to help her with her extreme insecurity. That she would have problems about you "even leaving for work" is not normal behavior, and you should waste no time in dealing with this.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Beth" has a boyfriend, "Danny." They have a 6-month-old baby girl. Neither one has a driver's license, and they both have low-paying part-time jobs.

Beth expects us to baby-sit, take her to the doctor, etc. Mom is now starting to refuse to do more than baby-sit on Sunday, because she says Beth needs to get her license and look for a better job, and it won't happen until she's "pushed to the wall." Only then will she realize she has to.

I agree, but I feel Beth and Danny should pursue their dreams. It takes money to get a license, and where we live there is no public transportation. What's your take on this tug-of-war? -- BIG BROTHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BIG BROTHER: Listen to your mother. The chances of your sister and her boyfriend attaining their dreams while working at low-paying part-time jobs are not great. What they need now is help in gaining their independence. While your mother may have put it in harsh terms, she has the right idea.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriends are always trying to get me drunk. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and in fact, I rarely drink. They say I'm "no fun," which is probably true. But that's just who I am.

Although they never drink and drive, they drink a lot and are embarrassing when they sing loud, stumble on the dance floor and slur their words. I'm afraid if I get drunk I may say something hurtful to them, and they will no longer be my friends.

My boyfriend says they're not true friends if they want me to drink to excess. My college days are behind me. I am mature enough not to succumb to this peer pressure. Is my boyfriend right? Do I need new friends? -- TEETOTALER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TEETOTALER: There are few things more unattractive than a person who is drunk. Your boyfriend may be right that you need some new friends, if yours can have a good time only if they use alcohol.

If I'm reading your letter correctly, it appears you may be their designated driver. My advice is to take yourself out of that equation, and if possible, socialize with them in situations that do not involve drinking. If that's not possible, then for your own sake, start cultivating friends with wider interests.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 20 years. Before our two children started high school two years ago, we had a great marriage. Unfortunately, my wife has put our children's high school education above everything else. She's a classic "helicopter mom" who says that once the kids leave for college, our relationship will become great again.

As the months go by, I find myself being more of a father and a tutor than a husband and "intimate friend" to my wife. We have little in common with each other, little intimacy, and everything revolves around our children -- not us.

I have talked to her about this, and we have seen a counselor and a priest who told my wife that what she's doing is wrong. But things are getting worse, not better.

Any suggestions on how to get the message across before we get totally separated or even divorced? Or am I the one who needs to see things differently? -- NO HELICOPTER DAD

DEAR DAD: Your letter touches upon a conversation I have had several times over the last few years, and it involves whether helicopter parents are giving their children an advantage, or preventing them from developing social skills and independence. If your kids are having problems in school and need extra parental guidance, then I'm all for it. But if they aren't -- and their teachers should be able to tell you that -- then your wife isn't doing this because of their need but her own.

Because you say you're not sure your marriage will be intact by the time they graduate, I'm urging that you both have more marriage counseling NOW. I hate to see a 20-year marriage go down the drain, because that's where it's headed.

DEAR ABBY: At 2 p.m., July Fourth, I would love nothing better than for all Americans to stop briefly and give our country a ring ... well, THREE rings to be exact.

On July 4, 1963, President John F. Kennedy proclaimed the ringing of bells nationwide with the words, "Let's ring freedom bells!" I was a White House aide then, and I vividly recall how exciting it was when bells rang across the nation coast to coast. Since then, many Americans have forgotten to keep the tradition going. Let's start again!

From one American to another, I ask all citizens to help me revive the ringing of bells at 2 p.m. this July Fourth in celebration of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. It's easy. Ring a bell, shake your keys, tap a glass or find a bell-ringing app on your smartphone. It will give our country a much-needed sense of unity and connection to our past as one nation, one people.

The Ironworkers, Sheet Metal Workers and Firefighters International Unions of the AFL-CIO, The National Cartoonists Society and Malmark Inc. have joined with No Greater Love in this special celebration of our freedom and the guardians who protect us -- our troops, firefighters and police.

Please, Abby, make your millions of readers aware of this effort. As inscribed on the Liberty Bell, "Let us proclaim liberty throughout the land unto all the inhabitants thereof." -- CARMELLA LASPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: I'm glad to help. I agree that shared traditions are the glue that binds us together as a nation. So readers, on July Fourth, take a moment to quietly reflect on what this holiday is all about. Then make a joyful noise and thank God for his blessings on our country and the freedoms we enjoy today. That's the American spirit!

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I share a credit card that was opened under my name. I use it for gas and household or family needs. She uses it for personal things such as buying dolls for her collection.

I was informed that I will no longer be able to use the card after the last statement we got. (I had spent more than $100 on gas for the month.) I feel I am using the card for the purpose for which it was intended. Buying things that aren't for the family but for her personal enjoyment wasn't our agreement.

I'm not sure how to approach her about this without it becoming an argument. She has a spending problem.

I recently found a job, so I contribute financially to the household. This is something that has been thrown in my face every time we talk about money. I want to see the statement so I can compare who spent how much on what, but when I ask to see it, she gets defensive. -- IN THE DARK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IN THE DARK: If the credit card is in your name, then you are responsible for anything that is purchased with it. The statements are addressed to you, and you have a right to see them. That your fiancee is refusing to show them to you is a sure sign that she has something to hide.

That's why you must take the card away from her to ensure that she isn't putting you into a financial hole you won't be able to dig yourself out of. And because the lady can't seem to control her spending, I'm urging you to think long and hard before marrying her, because after you do, you will be responsible for her debts.