DEAR ABBY: I am planning to attend a birthday party for my friend "Sophia" who is turning 50. When I mentioned to her that I would be shopping for her birthday gift, she asked that while I was shopping for her, that I also pick up a gift for her friend "Stacy."

I have met Stacy only a couple of times, and I think it was extremely nervy for Sophia to ask me to do it. The party is only for her, and I don't see the connection.

Sophia has done this in the past, and I'm trying to think of a way to tell her I'd rather not buy a gift for her friend. How should I handle this? -- NO LONGER A DOORMAT

DEAR NO LONGER A DOORMAT: Tell Sophia with a SMILE that you are not close to Stacy, don't know her taste and do not feel comfortable shopping for her. Smiling when you say it should prevent your refusal from appearing confrontational.

P.S. I agree she had a lot of nerve to ask.

DEAR ABBY: We went out to dinner with another couple. The wives are psychiatric nurses; the husbands are a banker and a business owner. All of us are accustomed to dealing with "sensitive" issues.

A woman at the table next to ours went to the ladies' room. When she returned, a short "train" of toilet paper was caught in the waistband of her slacks. It was very obvious. There was silence, but a palpable "energy," so the woman knew something was amiss and it might have something to do with her. The tissue "floated" with each step, so I knew it wasn't weighed down with moisture.

Because I didn't perceive it to be an imminent public health threat, I joined the silent legion. Did I miss a moral imperative by not letting her know? I didn't know how to do it discreetly. If this should ever happen again, what -- if anything -- should I do? -- MR. MANNERS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MR. MANNERS: Imagine if the person with the paper trail was you or your wife. Would you want to know, so that when you got up to leave the restaurant all eyes didn't follow you out? A discreet way to have let the woman know there was a problem would have been for you or your wife to have written her a note, and given it to her server to pass to her. That way, she would know there was a problem with the least amount of embarrassment.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is nearing 60, throws plates of food at the wall if he gets upset about something. It is usually minor and totally spontaneous. He then leaves it for me to clean up and won't apologize. I am sick of living with a 60-year-old going on 4. What can I do? -- HAD ENOUGH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: How long have you been tolerating your husband's explosive outbursts of temper? Has he been breaking other things, or raising a hand to you?

There are several things you can do. The first is stop cleaning up after him. Eat separately if you have to. You could also warn him that if he doesn't seek help now for his temper that you have had it. If you need my permission to go, I am giving it to you.

DEAR ABBY: My friend's husband has been writing a novel for several years. He just self-published it, and it's available on Amazon. He gave me a copy, asked me to read it and enter a great review on the Amazon page. The problem is the book is filled with misused and misspelled words, and there is missing punctuation. He even switched the names of two characters. (His wife, who is a "perfectionist," was his editor.)

Aside from the fact that I don't want to finish the book, I know he or my friend will ask me how I liked it. I don't want to lie because I'm afraid if someone else brings these things to their attention, they'll know I didn't read it or think I should have told them. I know they will be embarrassed if I bring it to their attention.

Frankly, I think it's too late to say anything negative because the book has already been printed. I also don't want to cause hurt feelings because I know how long he worked on this project and he's proud of it. How do I handle this? -- READER IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR READER: He's a friend, right? And you're only a reader, not a literary critic whose credibility will suffer if you don't point out every flaw. Find SOMETHING you liked about the book and mention that on the Amazon page. You could call it a "page turner" because you had to turn from Page 1 to Page 2, didn't you?

In a case like this, less is more. And remember, you're doing this in the capacity of being a friend, not an English teacher.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose son was involved in a shooting which ended in a death in her house. Should I send food, flowers and a nice note in the mail or stand back and not intrude? I sent a text asking if she was OK and if I could do anything for her family, but I don't know what else to do. We are more than acquaintances but less than great friends. -- UNSURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNSURE: If the funeral has been held, your friend does not need flowers. At a time like this, she could use some moral support. Call her and tell her you would like to bring some food over and ask what she may need. Then bring it to her, and be ready to listen if she wants to talk. Your presence and your caring will be meaningful, because when a tragedy like this happens, people don't know what to say, which isolates the person who is grieving.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I was involved in an unhealthy relationship for me and my children. Despite what everyone said, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He ended up assaulting me and my kids.

For two months I struggled with depression, and I admit I wasn't the responsible parent I should have been. Child Protective Services took the children. I hold myself accountable for my actions and my failure.

My parents are angry with me because of poor choices I made in the past and treat me like the black sheep of the family. Granted, my mother, brother and I all have issues stemming from the past, but I'm tired of playing the guilt card, tired of playing the victim and tired of not having my family back me up at a time when I need their support to regain custody of my kids.

I miss my family and what good times we did have. How do I even begin to put the pieces back together on a very broken family? -- THE BLACK SHEEP

DEAR BLACK SHEEP: Fixing your broken family is something all of you must be willing to work on together, or it won't be successful. Because your mother and brother are unwilling, what you need to do is start fixing yourSELF.

Regaining custody will depend upon your ability to establish your independence, support your children and yourself financially, and start counseling to deal with your issues so you won't get into another destructive, abusive relationship. It will take work and time, but if you can do it -- and I think you can -- your mother and brother will respect you for it. And you will be stronger and healthier because you will no longer be so needy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Gene" for three years, living together for a year and a half. We're both divorced and love each other very much.

Our biggest problem is, he doesn't keep a "normal" schedule. Gene eats at odd hours, exercises at the strangest times and will stay awake 'til the wee hours of the morning, then crash for a day or so. He seems unfazed by this wackiness. He's responsible, holds a good job and comes from a terrific family, but his habits are taking a toll on me.

There are days when I want him home for dinner, or I want to cuddle with him. I want a normal schedule. This is tricky because I have accepted his lifestyle and now the brakes have come on for me. Gene doesn't understand my sudden change of attitude, and frankly, neither do I.

Do I have only two choices -- accept him for who he is or find someone who follows a more conventional schedule? I love him so much that leaving would be very hard to do. -- WANTS A NORMAL LIFE

DEAR WANTS: It would be interesting to know what Gene does for a living. Does he work in a casino? Show business?

It's possible your change in attitude has come about because you now realize that you might be living his unconventional lifestyle for the rest of your life. Compromises you could make on a temporary basis can seem daunting when you see they'll be permanent.

If you need someone who lives his life on a normal schedule, one of you will have to make some changes. You will either have to accept this as your future or Gene will have to change his lifestyle. Because he seems to thrive on the schedule he's living on, the adjustment may be very difficult for him.

TO MY READERS: Have a happy, healthy and safe Fourth of July, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY