DEAR ABBY: I am, once again, faced with my annual dilemma. I cannot tolerate heat and humidity. I become short of breath, my heart pounds and I perspire profusely. I recover immediately if I go into an air-conditioned area.

I have discussed this with doctors. They attribute it to my "thermostat" and the fact that I am a very fair-skinned redhead. My mother had the same problem.

Of course, I stay in air-conditioned places. The problem arises when we're invited to cookouts or to the home of someone whose place isn't air-conditioned. I don't know how to explain that I simply cannot come.

I am forever trying to think of excuses to get out of invitations. I feel bad because the problem is mine and I can't control it. Even people who know about it don't understand the extent of it. Do you have any thoughts on how to handle this with tact? -- HOT AND BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Yes, I do. Tell these people the truth. If they're your friends, they will understand.

DEAR ABBY: My husband drives the car with his knees while shaving, drinking coffee, brushing his teeth, talking on the cell and using one hand to steer. When I complain, he makes fun of me and says, "Those that can, do."

I am in the shotgun/passenger seat and would prefer death to being paralyzed in an accident he causes. When I see him with coffee headed to the car, I insist on driving, but sometimes I don't catch him in time.

We have been married for 30 years, and I know he loves me and isn't trying to kill me. He reads your column, so maybe you can help me get through to him. -- CRINGING IN LONG BRANCH, N.J.

DEAR CRINGING: What your risk-loving husband is doing falls under the category of "distracted driving." Eating, drinking, grooming and using a handheld cellphone are against the law in some states -- including yours -- because folks who steer with their knees and use their rearview mirror to shave, practice dental hygiene or apply makeup have been known to cause serious accidents.

Since you haven't been able to get through to your husband, hang onto the car keys or insist that he finish with his "activities" before starting the ignition. And if he won't cooperate, for your own safety, get out of the car and arrange for other transportation.

CONFIDENTIAL TO 'DISAPPOINTED IN ALBUQUERQUE': Do not give up on your dream to be of service to others. It may not have come to fruition yet, but it may happen. There is truth to the wonderful line uttered by Martin Luther King Jr.: "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

DEAR ABBY: Neither of my parents do anything for fun. When Dad comes home from work, he either reads the newspaper or takes a nap. If Mom has free time after finishing the housework or running errands, she watches the news on TV or goes to bed early.

I never thought it was unusual because it has been this way since I was growing up. But once I was in high school, I started hearing classmates talk about their parents' friends or hobbies and I realized my parents are different. They don't even listen to music or read books.

When I want to go out with friends, my parents act annoyed and wonder why I want to go out instead of staying at home. Are there other people out there like this, or are my folks unusual? -- MYSTIFIED IN MAINE

DEAR MYSTIFIED: At the end of a busy day, many people want to simply unwind rather than look for things to do. Reading the newspaper, napping or watching the television news are some of the ways they do that. While your parents may be more introverted than those of your classmates, I don't think they are particularly unusual.

The question you should ask yourself is, "Is their relationship working for them?" And if the answer is yes, be glad. What's natural for some families isn't for everyone, and neither is their idea of what's fun.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl and my favorite teacher, "Mr. Brown," is going to another state with some other teachers to start a new school. I'll miss him dearly because he is funny and charismatic.

We have an average student-teacher relationship, but I still would like to stay in contact with him and see how he's doing. Is there any way I can maintain our relationship and contact him on my own to show that I miss him? -- TEEN IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR TEEN: If he hasn't already left your district, I suppose you could tell him he has been your favorite teacher and ask for his email address. He may be willing to share it with you, but if he and the other teachers are starting a new school, you can bet they are going to be extremely busy and focused on that -- so he may not be able to respond as often as you might wish.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were invited to a friend's house for dinner. When I asked her if I could bring anything, the hostess handed me a cookbook and said she had marked two items I should make and bring. When I looked at them, I was shocked.

She was asking me to bake bread and make a salad. The bread had many ingredients, and I have never made bread from scratch. I don't even own a stand mixer. The salad recipe was also complicated.

Was I unreasonable to decline the invitation? The ingredients alone were going to cost me at least $30, and the stress was more than I was willing to take on. -- AGHAST IN ARIZONA

DEAR AGHAST: I think you cut off your nose to spite your face. All you had to do was level with your hostess and tell her you had never baked bread and didn't have the necessary equipment -- and that you were prepared to make her a simple salad. What was she going to do, disinvite you?

DEAR ABBY: For years, my wife and I were RV enthusiasts. We have a son who was envious about our lifestyle and expressed a desire to own an RV and travel the highways. When we decided to give up the practice, we gave our travel trailer to him as a gift.

The trailer has been sitting on his property for more than a year now and has never been moved. He has kept the license and insurance fees current. He recently told us he has changed his mind and is no longer interested in traveling with it. He has offered it back to us.

We have decided to sell it and wonder what, if any, moral obligation we have to share the proceeds of the sale with our son. Your thoughts? -- HOMEBOUND OUT WEST

DEAR HOMEBOUND: You gave your son the RV as a gift; he is returning it to you instead of selling it himself. While I think it would be generous of you to split the proceeds with your son, I don't think there is any moral imperative that you must.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 17 years just told me out of the blue that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for some time. To say that this came as a shock is an understatement. We've had our disagreements, but we always worked through them, or so I thought.

Because she has felt this way for some time now, she has hardly shed a tear. For me, my heart is broken. I feel lost, confused, angry, depressed and I can't stop crying.

I wish I could die, but we have children and I know I can't leave them. We made a pact years ago that if we ever fell out of love we'd stay together for the kids until they were grown. Now I don't know if it was a lie or if she'll keep her promise.

I'm writing this at midnight, crying in the dark and alone. I still love her and my heart breaks every time I think about it. Please tell me what to do. -- DEVASTATED IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. What you must do now is pull yourself together and find out from your wife when it was that the two of you stopped communicating honestly with each other -- because it seems your paths diverged some time ago. She owes you honest answers, and you need to hear them.

After that, you may have to decide whether you still want her to honor that long-ago promise to stay together until your children are adults. You might find it helpful to stage some of these conversations in the office of a licensed marriage and family counselor. Having a mediator present could make it easier for both of you. While I can't promise counseling will save your marriage, it may provide you with the emotional support you will need in the weeks and months ahead.