DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman hoping to find "The One." But I have come to realize that I'm not the normal female. I don't get manicures or go shopping. (I hate shopping!) When I meet a guy, he likes that I'm "me," but if we get serious, then I'm either "too independent," "too outspoken" or "not girly enough."

I don't want to change myself or pretend to be someone I'm not. One minute they like that I'm independent and can fend for myself; the next they don't like that I don't depend on them to pay bills, etc.

Why is it always a double standard? Men like strong women until they are with one. Then they can't handle it. Maybe I'm too much for the men where I live. Is it possible for me to find someone? -- INDEPENDENT FEMALE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR INDEPENDENT FEMALE: Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. While some may think of dating as a popularity contest, it's really more like sifting for a gold nugget. It takes a lot of people years to strike gold -- and it's the same with dating. Is it possible to find someone? Absolutely! But it takes time, stamina and a sense of humor to survive the process.

DEAR ABBY: I had a baby girl a month ago and I live with my in-laws. My husband isn't here right now because of his job.

They are great and very helpful, but I never have any private time with my daughter. Every time she cries, my sisters-in-law pick her up. When she wants to sleep, they always take her away from me to put her to sleep. Even when I breastfeed, they are always in the room with me.

I can't seem to tell them no or ask them to get out of the room. I mean, they are very helpful, and they are leaving in a month for another country, so I understand they want to be with her as much as they can. However, I would still like some time alone with my daughter. Advice? -- NEW AT THIS IN HOUSTON

DEAR NEW AT THIS: As a mother, it's up to you to assert yourself and do what is right for your baby. Find the courage to tell your in-laws that you are grateful for their assistance but want privacy when you nurse the baby. It is important that your daughter bond with you, and if your sisters-in-law are always tending to her needs, it may be more difficult for you when they leave. I'm sure your pediatrician would back you up.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be OK for an 80-year-old man to take a 50-year-old woman to supper? We often talk together at church. -- LOU IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LOU: Only if she says yes.

DEAR ABBY: I am, once again, faced with my annual dilemma. I cannot tolerate heat and humidity. I become short of breath, my heart pounds and I perspire profusely. I recover immediately if I go into an air-conditioned area.

I have discussed this with doctors. They attribute it to my "thermostat" and the fact that I am a very fair-skinned redhead. My mother had the same problem.

Of course, I stay in air-conditioned places. The problem arises when we're invited to cookouts or to the home of someone whose place isn't air-conditioned. I don't know how to explain that I simply cannot come.

I am forever trying to think of excuses to get out of invitations. I feel bad because the problem is mine and I can't control it. Even people who know about it don't understand the extent of it. Do you have any thoughts on how to handle this with tact? -- HOT AND BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Yes, I do. Tell these people the truth. If they're your friends, they will understand.

DEAR ABBY: My husband drives the car with his knees while shaving, drinking coffee, brushing his teeth, talking on the cell and using one hand to steer. When I complain, he makes fun of me and says, "Those that can, do."

I am in the shotgun/passenger seat and would prefer death to being paralyzed in an accident he causes. When I see him with coffee headed to the car, I insist on driving, but sometimes I don't catch him in time.

We have been married for 30 years, and I know he loves me and isn't trying to kill me. He reads your column, so maybe you can help me get through to him. -- CRINGING IN LONG BRANCH, N.J.

DEAR CRINGING: What your risk-loving husband is doing falls under the category of "distracted driving." Eating, drinking, grooming and using a handheld cellphone are against the law in some states -- including yours -- because folks who steer with their knees and use their rearview mirror to shave, practice dental hygiene or apply makeup have been known to cause serious accidents.

Since you haven't been able to get through to your husband, hang onto the car keys or insist that he finish with his "activities" before starting the ignition. And if he won't cooperate, for your own safety, get out of the car and arrange for other transportation.

CONFIDENTIAL TO 'DISAPPOINTED IN ALBUQUERQUE': Do not give up on your dream to be of service to others. It may not have come to fruition yet, but it may happen. There is truth to the wonderful line uttered by Martin Luther King Jr.: "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

DEAR ABBY: Neither of my parents do anything for fun. When Dad comes home from work, he either reads the newspaper or takes a nap. If Mom has free time after finishing the housework or running errands, she watches the news on TV or goes to bed early.

I never thought it was unusual because it has been this way since I was growing up. But once I was in high school, I started hearing classmates talk about their parents' friends or hobbies and I realized my parents are different. They don't even listen to music or read books.

When I want to go out with friends, my parents act annoyed and wonder why I want to go out instead of staying at home. Are there other people out there like this, or are my folks unusual? -- MYSTIFIED IN MAINE

DEAR MYSTIFIED: At the end of a busy day, many people want to simply unwind rather than look for things to do. Reading the newspaper, napping or watching the television news are some of the ways they do that. While your parents may be more introverted than those of your classmates, I don't think they are particularly unusual.

The question you should ask yourself is, "Is their relationship working for them?" And if the answer is yes, be glad. What's natural for some families isn't for everyone, and neither is their idea of what's fun.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl and my favorite teacher, "Mr. Brown," is going to another state with some other teachers to start a new school. I'll miss him dearly because he is funny and charismatic.

We have an average student-teacher relationship, but I still would like to stay in contact with him and see how he's doing. Is there any way I can maintain our relationship and contact him on my own to show that I miss him? -- TEEN IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR TEEN: If he hasn't already left your district, I suppose you could tell him he has been your favorite teacher and ask for his email address. He may be willing to share it with you, but if he and the other teachers are starting a new school, you can bet they are going to be extremely busy and focused on that -- so he may not be able to respond as often as you might wish.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were invited to a friend's house for dinner. When I asked her if I could bring anything, the hostess handed me a cookbook and said she had marked two items I should make and bring. When I looked at them, I was shocked.

She was asking me to bake bread and make a salad. The bread had many ingredients, and I have never made bread from scratch. I don't even own a stand mixer. The salad recipe was also complicated.

Was I unreasonable to decline the invitation? The ingredients alone were going to cost me at least $30, and the stress was more than I was willing to take on. -- AGHAST IN ARIZONA

DEAR AGHAST: I think you cut off your nose to spite your face. All you had to do was level with your hostess and tell her you had never baked bread and didn't have the necessary equipment -- and that you were prepared to make her a simple salad. What was she going to do, disinvite you?