DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl who has two younger brothers. My parents are good people, but they can be extremely harsh and cruel. They curse us out and scream at us for petty things almost every day. I told my best friend about it and she said that it is emotional abuse. I disagree.

I have always been told that every parent yells at their kids. Maybe not every day, but regardless, everyone gets mad sometimes. I honestly didn't even think there was such a thing as emotional abuse.

I don't know what to do. I have been suffering this almost my entire life. I didn't think that it was abuse. Am I being emotionally abused? I would appreciate your help. -- TIRED OF THE TIRADES

DEAR TIRED: The answer to your question is yes, your friend is correct. Because your parents have been doing this on a regular basis, it qualifies as verbal/emotional abuse. Be glad you now recognize it, because their lack of control isn't normal.

Their anger and frustration may have nothing to do with you and your siblings. The problem with this kind of abuse -- as opposed to physical abuse -- is that although it is damaging, it is often not taken seriously.

If there are family members or close friends who can intervene, help your parents to see how damaging their lack of control is and convince them to get help, you should confide in them. It might be a good idea for you and your brothers to spend as much time with friends in healthier families as you can. This will get you out of the line of fire and enable you all to see what normal family interactions are like.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a divorced man, "Chris," for four years. He has a son who is 16. On the weekends Chris has his son, I become the "invisible girlfriend." Sometimes the three of us will go to a movie or out to eat, but I am never welcome to spend the night.

Chris and I have talked about living together, but never in depth. Unless I bring it up, he never says anything about it. When Valentine's Day came around, Chris asked if we could celebrate it a few days late because he was scheduled to have his son that night. I was heartbroken because even a Valentine dinner for the three of us was out.

I am beginning to think there is no future with Chris. He seems fine just dating and seeing me every other weekend as someone to hang out with, but not to commit to. Suggestions? -- DISMISSED IN DENVER

DEAR DISMISSED: When you started dating Chris, his son was 12. It seems to me that what he has done is put his parenting responsibilities before anything else, and I respect that.

If romance and marriage are what you're looking for, I suggest you stop asking Chris about living together and ask instead about whether the two of you have a future. Chris has been treating you like a friend with benefits for four years. The pattern is set and it isn't likely to change by itself.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who will help herself to anything in my fridge, pantry, etc. without asking. She also will eat most if not all food that's meant to be shared, such as appetizers and snacks at a social gathering. Once she literally polished off an entire plate of appetizers before my guests arrived and I had nothing to feed them.

After she finishes the food, she often says, "Oh, I was starving!" I find myself hiding food from her when she comes over, or delaying putting treats out for guests until later in the party.

The most recent episode was when I was preparing food for my toddler. While it was cooling on the counter, she helped herself to all of it. She told me afterward she had consumed it.

So you see -- nothing is safe, not even a child's meal. Abby, how can I tell her what she's doing is wrong and rude? -- STUMPED IN STUDIO CITY, CALIF.

DEAR STUMPED: Your friend may be a compulsive eater, but that's no excuse for what she has been doing. Tell her in plain English that you don't like it when she helps herself to food without first asking, or hogging it when it has been prepared for a party.

Taking something that was meant for your toddler was over the top. Say that if she's feeling "starved" when she's headed for your house, she should have a snack to take the edge off before arriving. And if you see less of her because of your frankness, consider yourself lucky.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I and our toddler son were recently out to dinner. A woman walked past our table to the family next to us and gushed about how "beautiful" the couple's daughter was. Their child was the same age as our son, who is just as well-behaved.

I found it hurtful that a stranger would compliment one child and ignore the family seated at the next table. My husband disagrees. Am I wrong to be offended? Do you think this was rude? -- FURIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FURIOUS: I agree with your husband. I doubt the woman deliberately meant to slight your son. All her attention was simply focused on the little girl.

DEAR ABBY: I always take my shower before I go to bed. My friends take their showers in the morning. Which one is correct? I wouldn't want to go to sleep dirty. -- GARY IN BROOKLYN

DEAR GARY: The time of day one takes a shower is a matter of personal preference and lifestyle. If you are a mechanic or do heavy physical labor, showering before you go to bed makes sense. However, if your job requires working closely with the public or co-workers, then taking a shower in the morning before work is considerate.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Pressured" (April 23), the wife whose husband keeps track of how often he and his wife have had sex and his determination to have sex 100 times per year. She was wondering if this is normal.

I can tell her that my former husband thought we should have sex five times a week. He kept a calendar of when we had sex that also included who initiated it. I explained to him that I was more than willing to have frequent sex, but that he also had to be an attentive, caring husband.

Our marriage counselor believed he was suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and was probably a diagnosable narcissist. Surprise, surprise! He pronounced our marriage counselor to be inept and divorced me.

"Pressured" says she has a good marriage, so I assume that means she has a caring husband. I would advise her to do her best to enthusiastically and creatively meet his needs. Most men express love and feel loved by having sex. Scorekeeping could be his ineffective attempt at communicating his need to feel loved. -- THE EX-MRS.

DEAR EX: Thank you for writing. The saying "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" aptly applies to the responses I received from my readers about that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Most guys may keep track of how often they're having sex, although more likely it's how long since the last time, or maybe how many times a week. But this guy is an idiot for letting his wife know that he's tracking it, let alone that he has a goal of 100 times. Hopefully he's not procreating, just "recreating" in bed.

Abby, I thought you knew men better. "Fifty great versus 100 'so-so' times" -- are you kidding? Surely you know the saying, "Even bad sex is pretty good sex." We guys will take it any way, any how, anytime. For us, it's all good, all the time. -- DAN IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Unfortunately, my husband also likes to keep a running tab of our sexual frequency. It galls me.

I saw a movie years ago in which a couple saw the same therapist and one tells the counselor, "We never have sex! We only do it three times a week." While the other says, "We have sex all the time! We do it three times a week!"

We must consider the other person and his or her needs, whether they're emotional, sexual or physical. Emotional and physical are not necessarily the same. -- DENISE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: For most men, sex is just a little less important than breathing and eating as essential to our existence. Men are getting fed up with being deprived. I have often considered extramarital sexual pursuits, and I feel I'd be justified in doing so. I know I'm not alone.

Men have needs, and should have a right to share intimate relations with their wives. If not, we should be given the green light to fulfill our needs elsewhere. -- JAMES IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle at "Pressured." I have been married 20 years and have five children. I figure my husband and I are intimate an average of 260 times a year. Needless to say, my husband greets me with a smile every day, and our marriage is rock solid. -- KNOWS THE SECRET IN UTAH