DEAR ABBY: I'm not much of a drinker. I have nothing against drinking or those who do. I just do not like the taste of alcohol. Worse, I have a very low tolerance for it. After only half a glass of wine, I become so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. It makes me feel physically awful.

My husband takes offense to the fact that I don't want to drink. When we're out with friends, he'll have three or four beers and pressure me to the point of embarrassment in front of them until I finally give in and order a glass of wine. Of course, I then spend the rest of the evening feeling terrible. When we get home, he'll want to be intimate, but I just want to go to sleep, which aggravates him further.

I have tried for several years to discuss this with him, but he can't explain why he does this. What can I do? -- JUST WATER, PLEASE

DEAR JUST WATER: Your husband is a drinker. He may be self-conscious about the amount he imbibes and feels less so if he has a drinking buddy (that's you), willing or not. To say the least, his behavior is inconsiderate -- and I mean all of it.

When someone is involved with a problem drinker, and from your description of his behavior your husband is one, the place to start looking for answers is Al-Anon. To find a meeting close to you, go online to al-anon.org. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Cecily," has just come out to me as being a lesbian. We are both 15. I have tried my best to make her feel accepted and comfortable. But whenever she wants something from me and I refuse, she says I'm "treating her badly because she's gay."

I let it go the first couple of times, but now she does this every time she wants something. When I finally confronted her about it, she went to her mother and said I was bullying her because of her being gay. Her mother yelled at me and told me to "get my act together or get out of her life." Her mother is like a second mother to me.

Other than this, Cecily has been a great friend. This has gotten way out of hand. Abby, I have tried everything. What do I do? -- WAY OUT OF HAND IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAY OUT OF HAND: Cecily may react this way because she's newly out and hypersensitive to being discriminated against for being gay. (For too many gay teens, this is a sad reality.)

Consider asking your mother to talk to Cecily's mother and explain that you're not homophobic but feel her daughter is being manipulative. If the woman hears it from another adult, she may talk to her daughter about it. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to decide if it's worth it to continue the relationship under these circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: I am very concerned about my 33-year-old daughter's safety. A man in his mid-60s, someone she met at a previous job, has become obsessed with her. He has declared his love for her, divorced his wife and slathered my struggling, single daughter with gifts over the last three years.

She has refused his advances on nearly a daily basis, and he is now tracking her every move. If she leaves her house for even 30 minutes, he knows and accuses her of going to have sex with someone. If she says she's coming to my house, he drives by to verify it. If it takes her longer than he thinks it should, he accuses her of having sex with someone. She swears that she has never had sex with him.

It has really intensified lately. I'm frantic about her safety. What should I do? -- SCARED MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED MOM: Your daughter's "admirer" is showing all the signs of being a stalker. Why is she carrying on any conversations with him and telling him where she's going? If she accepted gifts he "slathered" on her, it may be why he feels she encouraged him. They should be returned.

You and your daughter should go to the police and report what he has been doing. It may be necessary for her to take out a restraining order because this person appears to be unbalanced and may be dangerous.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently decided to get married. We plan to go to the courthouse next month and have a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. Since it will be nothing fancy, we have decided to invite just a few family members -- his mom, grandma and brother, along with my mom and dad.

What we need advice about is how to tell his mom. She feels that marriage is just a piece of paper and you shouldn't need it to prove how committed you are. Because of her views, he wants to "surprise" her the day of the wedding when we all arrive at the courthouse. I feel it's a bad idea, and she should have some time to get used to the thought of us being married.

Any advice you can offer on when to tell her, and how to handle what she's going to say? -- FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE D.I.L.: I agree that your boyfriend's mother should be told beforehand, and the good news should be delivered by both of you. When she delivers the predictable "marriage is just a piece of paper" comment, you should respond that the piece of paper is an important one to you, and your boyfriend should tell her he's doing this because he loves you and, in the event that anything should happen to him, he wants to provide for you. If she gives you an argument, remember that you're asking for her blessing -- not her permission.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think people can change? -- JILL IN CHESTER, PA.

DEAR JILL: I assume you mean change for the better. The answer is yes, of course people can change. With motivation, determination and perseverance, people can accomplish almost anything they set their minds to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single woman in my late 30s and have an 18-year-old daughter. When I am alone or out with my girlfriends, I am constantly hit on by younger men. My girlfriends say it's because I don't look my age and that I should feel flattered. Well, I am not a "cougar," and I don't get turned on by younger men. I find it offensive when I am approached by them.

While my single friends are being asked on romantic dates by professional older men, I'm being asked on dates by struggling college boys who have no car, no job and cramped living quarters with three other roommates. Give me a break!

It has reached the point that I just pretend to be married. But it's starting to bother me that mature men don't find me attractive. I have stopped wanting to go out because of this. What should I do? -- IN A FUNK IN FRESNO

DEAR IN A FUNK: Where's your sense of humor? Instead of telling these young men you're married, why not tell them something closer to the truth -- that you're old enough to be their mother and ask if they happen to have a single uncle.

Seriously, if the only men who pay attention to you are men in their early 20s, your problem may be the way you're packaging the product you're trying to sell. Your makeup, hairstyle and attire may send the wrong message, and that's why men in your target demographic aren't showing an interest. Talk to your friends about this and see what they have to offer.

DEAR ABBY: I have a stressful job but do not work "regular" hours. I also care for my aged mother, which is like having another job. Because of this, I have little time to myself or to relax. During warm weather I enjoy taking an occasional break on my back deck, whether reading materials for work, enjoying a novel or catching a quick nap. Frequently, I'll transact business on my cellphone.

Anytime my neighbor sees me sitting on my deck, he'll come out of his house. He thinks it's funny to say things like, "Boy, I wish I could be like you and not have to work," or "Must be nice to just sit around."

The first few times it was funny, but I no longer find it humorous -- especially when I'm stressed out about work or my mother. Yesterday I warned him, "Don't go there!"

How can I nicely let my neighbor know his joke is now stale and no longer appropriate? With all the pressure I'm under, he's making even a quick break stressful. -- BEHIND THE 8-BALL IN OHIO

DEAR BEHIND THE 8-BALL: Your neighbor may be a tad jealous of what he perceives as all your free time, or he may be a one-joke wonder who's trying to be friendly. But the nicest and most direct way to get your message across would be to explain that you're not only working from home, but also caring for your mother -- and when you take these breaks, solitude is necessary.