DEAR ABBY: I am a full-time mother of three young children and have been married for nine years. Since the beginning, my husband has pushed to have things "his way." He struggles with his temper and has yelled at me over little things.

We have met with a counselor and were showing improvement in our marriage -- or so I thought -- until he started pushing me to watch explicit sex DVDs and read sex books. I feel very uncomfortable doing this. He claims he wants us to watch them for "educational reasons." He seems obsessed with the idea that we have to get the most out of life now because we are getting older.

I know we have some big issues to overcome and plan to continue seeing our counselor, but do you have any advice? -- STRUGGLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRUGGLING: I'm all for getting the most out of life regardless of how old a person is. And I'm pleased that you and your husband are talking to a licensed therapist, because it may help to save your marriage.

Many couples watch "explicit" sex DVDs together because it improves their sex lives. Depending upon the content of the ones your husband is watching, it could add spice to your sex life. But because it is making you uncomfortable, this is something that should be discussed with your therapist so you won't feel coerced into anything you can't handle.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 60s. I take good care of myself and have been told I'm attractive. I have been in a monogamous relationship with "Frank" for six years. I love him and he loves me, but I'm not sure I want to marry him.

I know I couldn't live with Frank full-time because even though he's 57, he lives like an immature frat boy. He has sports memorabilia all over his house, and he's messy. There are piles of paper and stacks of clothes everywhere. He is a hoarder, a procrastinator and has OCD.

Frank and I are best friends. We have an amazing physical relationship, but I feel I want more. I don't think he's willing to change his ways at this point in his life. Should I accept this relationship for what it is, or look for someone more compatible with my lifestyle, as hard as that would be? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: I think you should have a talk with Frank and lay your cards on the table. You say he is a hoarder, a procrastinator and has OCD. If you are right, they may all be connected. His house isn't the only thing that may be chaotic; his mind may be, too.

The good news is there is help for OCD and hoarding -- but only if he is willing to get it. If he is open to it, your relationship could go to the next level. However, if he is resistant and marriage is what you want, it would be better to move on and find someone whose lifestyle is more like your own.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Offended Daughter" (Aug. 10), whose mother didn't like her lounging in a bikini top at her house because of her weight, was inconsiderate, irresponsible and, frankly, offensive. You started off well, advising her to consider her mother's preference because it's her house, but your second paragraph took a wrong turn.

You used your column to imply she should not feel comfortable in her own skin. You assumed her doctor thinks she's unhealthy, knowing nothing about her other than the fact she's 60 to 70 pounds more than "average." You assumed she was "complacent" and her weight is a problem, even though you do not have access to her medical history and are not a physician. That response serves no purpose other than to fat-shame "Offended Daughter."

Even if she is unhealthy, if she weighed two or three times what she does now, even if she lies around all day in that bikini eating potato chips and ice cream sundaes, she still deserves respect as a human being. She deserves advice without judgment. -- LINDA IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR LINDA: Thousands of readers in newspapers and online wrote to tell me how angry they were about my response to that letter, accusing me of "fat-shaming." If anyone was hurt by my reply, I sincerely apologize, because my remarks were not meant to be rude or disrespectful. When I called the young woman after that column ran to apologize if I had hurt her feelings and read her my response to her letter, she told me she was not offended.

When I answer questions, it is my responsibility to be honest and direct. As anyone who has read my column knows, I am not always politically correct. When I saw her statement that she was 60 to 70 pounds overweight -- which is obese -- and "comfortable in her own skin," my reaction was alarm. If she doesn't become proactive now, by the time she's 35 she could be far heavier.

Everyone knows the many health complications associated with obesity, so I won't list them. And while not everyone develops complications, in general, the greater a person's weight, the greater the likelihood of developing them. While losing weight may be challenging, as I know from personal experience, it's important to make beneficial lifestyle changes to promote healthy weight, just as it is important to have healthy self-esteem.

That young woman needs to have a frank talk with her doctor about what's causing her to be so heavy. I told her that when I talked to her. I also suggested it might be helpful to consult a nutritionist.

As to my comment about her mother, I strongly suspect what I said is true, and I'll stand by it until I hear from the woman telling me different.

DEAR ABBY: I have overheard a person who works as an aide at the local elementary school talking about the students -- discussing their special needs, behavioral issues, etc. I think it is appalling that she's relaying confidential information to others in the community. The rule for employees here is, "What happens in the school stays in the school."

I'm not sure what to do. I have heard from her too many times that it was "just an oversight" on her part. Should I let the parents of these students know, or make the school administrators aware of the situation? The people listening are, of course, just as guilty. Perhaps it's not my place to interfere; however, I find her behavior to be unprofessional, and she should not be working in such a setting.

If you publish this, I hope it will be all it takes to open someone's eyes and seal their lips. What do you think? -- BOILING OVER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR BOILING OVER: I'm printing your letter, but I doubt it will silence the wagging tongue of a gossip who uses confidential information to get attention. What you should do is inform the principal of the school and let him or her "seal the leak." If that doesn't work, you should inform the parents because they may want to take action. But don't jump the gun; go through channels first.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose son is in sales, and he asked to give me a presentation. My friend instructed me that I was under no obligation to purchase anything; he just needed to practice it. I complied and didn't buy anything he was pitching.

He has now contacted me again to do another presentation because he has changed companies and wants to "practice" again. I dislike sales pitches and I'm also very busy. Ordinarily, I would just say no. However, because he's my friend's son I am unsure how to respond. Can you give me any suggestions? -- ANONYMOUS OUT WEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you agreed previously, the young man may not realize that his asking again is an imposition. All you need to do is tell him that you are very busy. Then explain that you agreed the last time as a special favor to his parent, that you can't do it, but you wish him luck with the new company.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when the hostess at a club meeting won't tolerate shared information or food, but instead tells you to be quiet and listen only to her history, gripes and opinions? -- DUES PAYER, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR DUES PAYER: Before or after some of those meetings, have a chat with other club members. Find out if they, too, are being treated this way and, if they are, how they feel about it. If you are all dues-paying members and can vote, it may be possible to remove her as hostess. However, if you are the only person she does this with, you might be happier being involved in another organization where your contributions will be appreciated instead of stifled.