DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married. She left me a message asking me to be a bridesmaid. Of course I'm honored, but I don't know what to do. I dislike her fiance. He is disrespectful and mean to her and to their son.

I can't stand up with them and pretend to be happy for her when I think she's making a terrible mistake. I want her to marry someone who will be nice to her. Help! -- CONFLICTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFLICTED: If standing up with her will make you feel like a hypocrite, then don't do it. But recognize that if you don't, it will distance you from her. If your friend's relationship is dysfunctional now, just wait until after she and her fiance are married, because it isn't going to magically get better. This young woman is going to need all the support she can get from her friends in the years ahead.

DEAR ABBY: Every year, my children choose to attend Thanksgiving with their in-laws or friends rather than come to our home. Then they ask me to prepare a celebration the day after or another day.

My husband and I feel left out. It's plain that we are considered "second" and the kids come only because they feel guilty. Preparing a meal is expensive and time-consuming. We would like to celebrate on the actual holiday.

I think we should be treated with more respect. I also feel like telling these ingrates to stay home this year because we have decided to donate our time to a homeless shelter. Your thoughts? -- LEFT OUT IN LEXINGTON

DEAR LEFT OUT: I can see why your feelings are hurt. In fairness, I think your children should alternate with which in-laws they spend the holidays.

If you would prefer to make or serve Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter, you should do it. Many people volunteer their time during the holidays, and at other times during the year, and find it gratifying. However, when you inform your children about your plans, try to keep the anger out of the tone of your message.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and my dad is a drug addict. I'm not allowed to have contact with him because of his past choices. People would look down on me if they knew -- like my own teacher. She was being snoopy at the beginning of the year and asked me a bunch of questions about my family, and now I feel like she doesn't treat me the same. -- DISTURBED IN SPOKANE

DEAR DISTURBED: Your father's "past choices" are not your fault, and you should not be blamed or judged for them. If you haven't already told your mother that your teacher questioned you about your family at the beginning of the year, that you answered her honestly and now you feel you are being treated differently because of it, you definitely should. And your mother should discuss this with the teacher because the questions she was asking may have been appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: Smoke alarms are one of the greatest fire safety success stories of our time. Since they were introduced in 1975, home fire deaths have been cut in half, even as the nation's population has increased by half. But far too many people let the batteries in their smoke alarms wear out, or even remove them to avoid occasional nuisance alarms. And too many people -- and their families -- pay for their neglect or poor judgment with their lives.

About 2,500 people a year die in structural -- mostly residential -- fires. According to the National Fire Protection Association, more than 60 percent of them -- over 1,500 people -- are dying in homes that had either no smoke alarms or no working ones. That's more than three people a day.

This fall marks the 27th consecutive year the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) will partner with Energizer, the manufacturer of batteries, flashlights and lanterns, in the Change Your Clock Change Your Battery program. Together, we're asking people to test their existing batteries or install fresh ones in their smoke alarms in conjunction with the end of daylight saving time on Sunday, Nov. 2. It takes only a few minutes. This will not only give families critical early warning time to escape a fire, but also helps to protect our firefighters by reducing the likelihood they'll have to enter a burning home to rescue someone still inside.

Your daily column helps people improve their lives. Please help me save lives by printing my letter. Thank you, Abby. -- FIRE CHIEF G. KEITH BRYANT, IAFC PRESIDENT

DEAR CHIEF BRYANT: You're welcome. It's tragic to read and hear about families who have died because of something that could have been so easily prevented.

Readers, I'm giving you notice. Friday is Halloween, and Saturday night at bedtime is when you'll be turning your clocks back to standard time. Please remember to add smoke detector batteries to your shopping list this week. That way, they'll be at hand when we check our smoke alarms to ensure they are working properly.

No procrastinating! Home fires happen more frequently during the cold winter months, so protecting yourselves and your families at this time of year is particularly important.

DEAR ABBY: I have a T-shirt I bought when I was younger and wilder. It has a filthy message on it, so I can't donate it to charity, and I'm even embarrassed to throw it out. I'd hate to, because I have worn it only once. It seems wasteful to throw out something in such good shape.

What should I do? -- MORE MATURE NOW

DEAR MORE MATURE: People who wear T-shirts with filthy slogans send a message that they either agree with what it says or think it's funny. Because the shirt no longer "speaks" for you, wear it when you're alone in your house, or admit you made a mistake in buying it and turn it into a dust rag.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend gave us a very generous gift for our toddler. However, it arrived with the news that the baby he and his girlfriend are expecting may have serious complications, which could result in termination of the pregnancy. Abby, I am also expecting.

I know I should send them a thank-you note, but I don't want to sound overly cheerful when someone is obviously suffering. Is there a way to appropriately express our thanks in writing while still being sensitive? I want to show my concern without overstepping my boundaries. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST: My advice is to stay on message. Thank the man for his generous gift and say how much it is appreciated. If you wish to express concern for the difficult time they are going through, do so without going into detail. It's sufficient to say that he and his girlfriend are in your thoughts and prayers. Make no reference to your own pregnancy because in this communication it's not relevant.

DEAR ABBY: I work with the public and make small talk all day long. At the end of a busy day, I like to go to a neighborhood restaurant by myself for a quiet dinner. My problem is the owner, "Giovanni." He's a very nice man, and he'll sit down at my table to chat, often for the entire meal. To complicate matters, he speaks limited English and conversation with him is a chore.

I can't think of a polite way to ask that I be left alone without hurting his feelings and making future visits awkward. Any suggestions? -- HUNGRY AND TIRED IN THE EAST

DEAR H AND T: A polite way to do it would be to say, "Giovanni, I like you very much. But I have had a hard day. All I want to do is sit down, eat my food and stare into space. Please understand." Unless he is very new to the hospitality business, he should regard that as his cue to back off.

DEAR ABBY: I live with my parents and when my mom does laundry, she always asks me if I want to throw any of my clothes in with hers and vice versa. The problem is, when the cycle is finished, she throws everything into the dryer -- even items that will shrink or wrinkle. I've asked her not to do it, but she persists.

Now, I know what you're going to say: "Do your own laundry." I have tried. But if Mom hears the wash finish before I do, she goes out and chucks everything into the dryer. Last week she shrank half my socks.

I can't think of a solution aside from doing my laundry when she is out of the house, which would be difficult because she's retired. I'm starting to get frustrated. Any ideas? -- FRUSTRATED IN COLUMBUS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If your mother is also forgetting other things, it's possible she may be in the early stages of dementia. However, if that's not the case, then your solution is practical -- or consider taking your things to a laundromat. It would be less expensive than constantly having to buy new socks.