DEAR ABBY: My four girls and I recently moved from Texas to Florida to help out my in-laws. My husband, "Jeff," made a big deal about not wanting to move without a job, so he stayed behind.

Now I feel like a single parent, and even though I hide it from my daughters, I am depressed. I haven't been able to find work, and Jeff says he doesn't want to come here for several more months.

My husband and I have been together 14 years, and this is tearing me up inside. He seems to be treating this issue as a joke. I suspect he likes not having the responsibility of a wife and kids. Our youngest is 6 months old and she's growing up without her daddy! Please help me figure this out. -- LONELY AND DEPRESSED

DEAR LONELY: How long has this been going on? Three weeks? Three months? Tell your husband that because you can no longer tolerate being separated, you are moving back to Texas. Be sure to mention that the responsibility of helping his parents should not be yours alone. Your concerns about your baby girl are valid. She should be bonding with both her parents right now -- and the separation may make it more difficult for her.

DEAR ABBY: Last February we lost my 14-year-old niece to suicide. Needless to say, it has been very hard on the family, especially her father, who is my brother. The two of them were inseparable.

Her mother has been playing the "perfect mother" card since then, even though all they did was fight. Her latest move has the entire family appalled. "Mom" is planning a birthday party for my niece, with a DJ and everything, even though she never had one for her while she was alive.

We are all worried about my brother's state of emotional well being and how he will respond once he finds out. How do I approach her with my concerns and put a stop to the party? -- APPALLED AUNT IN THE EAST

DEAR APPALLED: You shouldn't and you can't. Have a talk with your brother about this and suggest grief counseling for himself and his wife if they haven't already had any. The poor woman may be planning to have the party out of guilt because she didn't host one while her daughter was alive, or because her relationship with the girl wasn't a good one. She may also be unable to accept that her child is gone and not thinking rationally. What a sad situation.

DEAR ABBY: My wife cleans our hand-held vacuum in the kitchen sink. I think this particular appliance is probably the dirtiest one in the house and should be cleaned outside, not in the kitchen sink where food is prepared. She says she cleans the sink thoroughly afterward. I'm grossed out by the whole thing. What do you think? -- PEEVED UP NORTH

DEAR PEEVED: I think you're grossed out by the idea that your hand-held vacuum is the dirtiest appliance in the house, but please calm yourself. People wash all kinds of things in the kitchen sink -- children, pet dishes, the soles of shoes. As long as your wife cleans and sanitizes the sink afterward, you should be safe.

DEAR ABBY: The issue of thank-you notes comes up often in your column. May I share how I learned to write them? When I was young, my mother asked me one day why I was so resistant. I said I hated addressing them and I never knew what to say! It was overwhelming to me.

Mother taught me some phrases such as, "I appreciate your thoughtfulness," and ways to close like, "I hope to see you again soon." She gently reminded me that the sooner I wrote, the easier it would be to express words of gratitude. She also made a deal with me: If I quit complaining and procrastinating, she'd address them for me until I turned 18.

When I turned 18 she gave me an address book filled with the addresses of our family and friends, beautiful new stationery and a book of stamps. In case you're curious, my 18th birthday gifts were all acknowledged with thank-you notes addressed by me! I'm 22 now, and I have never missed a note. -- SARAH B., ANSONIA, CONN.

DEAR SARAH B.: Thank you for your charming letter. Your mother was not only a good negotiator, she also taught you a skill that will be valuable as you grow older.

I print letters about this subject so often because of the number of complaints I receive about the failure to receive a thank-you note. When a gift (or check) isn't acknowledged, the message it sends is that the item wasn't appreciated, which is insulting and hurtful.

Chief among the reasons people don't send thank-you notes is that they don't know what to say and are afraid they'll say the wrong thing. That's why my booklet, "How to Write Letters," was written. It contains samples of thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts and wedding gifts, as well as those that arrive around holiday time. It also includes letters of congratulations and ones regarding difficult topics -- including letters of condolence for the loss of a parent, spouse or a child. It can be ordered by sending name, mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) Use it to tailor your own messages. With the holiday season approaching and people sending gifts and greetings through the end of the year, this is the perfect time to reply with a handwritten letter, note or well-written email.

Because composition of letters and notes is not always effectively taught in the schools, my booklet can provide a helpful tutorial, and is particularly valuable for parents as a way to teach their children how to write using proper etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: My question is very simple, Abby. Who determines right or wrong in your life, your opinions, your column? This will tell me all I need to know about your wisdom or advice. -- RON IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RON: Actually, I think your question is anything but "simple," and the answer is: I do.

DEAR ABBY: I had weight-loss surgery three years ago. I am down 100 pounds and feel great. I'm new in the dating game and wonder if I'm supposed to disclose that I was previously 100 pounds overweight. Is it any of their business, or do I not address the topic? -- LESS OF ME IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LESS: I don't think your health history needs to be announced right from the "git-go." As people date, get to know each other, become comfortable and eventually intimate, more and more information is revealed. When it's appropriate to discuss it, you will know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widower and am dating a divorcee. We have been together for about 18 months. She says she loves me and wants to get married. I like her and enjoy her company, but that is it. I also have no desire to marry, or live with anyone, again.

I would like to end it and let her continue in her search for a husband, but every time I try to do it she cries. How can I tell her I am not the one? -- NOT THE ONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR NOT THE ONE: You and this lady have very different objectives. I assume that if she has burst into tears she has already gotten your message. My advice is instead of repeating it, to stop calling her. However, if you feel that to achieve closure there must be a face-to-face conversation, approach it with a large box of tissues in your hand and repeat what you have written to me.

DEAR ABBY: For the first time, I am hosting my nephew and his family for Thanksgiving. I abhor texting and any electronic amusements that deter face-to-face family communication. I need to know the best way to explain -- before they arrive -- that it is not allowed in my home. -- HOSTESS WITH RULES IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HOSTESS WITH RULES: Transmit your message the old-fashioned way. Call and tell them your wishes so they'll have plenty of time to make other plans if they feel unable to comply with your "house rules." It will also give you enough time to invite other guests in the event that your nephew and his family are so addicted to their electronics that they can't comfortably abide by your wishes.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute each and every one of you for your service to this country. My thanks as well to the brave and dedicated men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. -- ABBY