DEAR ABBY: How much interest in an adult child's sex life is normal? My mother seems obsessed.

I hooked up with a girl a couple of months ago on a Friday. She spent most of the weekend with me. We both knew it wouldn't go further than that.

It turns out she works with my mom, who by chance found out about the weekend. Mom has been interrogating her for every detail every chance she gets, and she likes to drop details into my daily life to embarrass me.

How much interest is a parent supposed to show? Mine knows my favorite position and intimate interests. -- EXPOSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXPOSED: It seems your mother is not only nosy, but also has a sadistic sense of humor. She's getting a kick out of embarrassing you.

Tell her to lay off because what she's doing is inappropriate, and it's making you uncomfortable. If she can't respect your wishes, then realize it's time you put some distance between you and Mama. And to prevent this from happening in the future, find out more about the chicks you hook up with because this last one sings like a bird.

DEAR ABBY: The holidays will soon be here, and so will something that may seem petty, but really irks me. My friends have a large home with plenty of room, so they usually host the holiday dinners. We -- the guests -- supply a few side dishes to accompany the meal. I usually bring several "sides" because I like to cook and I enjoy variety.

My problem is presentation. I bring my sides in nice casserole dishes and do my best to make them look appealing. Because I'm not particularly artistic, it takes some effort. When I arrive with the food, my hosts unceremoniously dump it into disposable aluminum containers, wash my dishes and put them aside.

I hope I don't sound picky, but even when I have asked that the items be served in the dishes I brought, the hosts say, "Oh, this is easier." I have said I don't mind bringing home dirty dishes, but my wishes are ignored. Am I being petty? -- FRUSTRATED GUEST IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I don't think your feelings are petty. Having put as much effort as you have into making the food you're preparing look as appetizing as possible, it's understandable. However, because this is a recurring annoyance, consider preparing this year's contributions in disposable aluminum pans. That way, your creations won't be "dumped."

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a neatnik who always finds extra or unexpected things to do before meeting me at the car, in the TV room, etc. It means I always must wait for her before going anyplace.

I have asked her a thousand times to avoid doing "one last thing" before coming to meet me. How can I appeal to her better nature to avoid tending to every tiny detail before joining me? Or am I being too impatient? -- WAITING FOR YOUR ANSWER

DEAR WAITING: I'm sorry, but I can't give you an unbiased answer because I am guilty of the same thing, and it makes my husband crazy, too. (I suspect your wife and I are not the only women who do this.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ron," and I have been together for more than a year, and we now live together. His garage is full to overflowing with his ex-girlfriend's belongings. She apparently left him and all her stuff -- including her four cats -- to marry some guy she met online. She no longer lives in this country.

I'm fine with taking care of the cats; they are innocent and I love them. However, I want her stuff out of the garage. Ron thinks it's "the right thing to do" to keep it until she can arrange for it to be moved to her new place.

Abby, it has been a year and a half! She's not going to move this stuff. I want to donate it or trash it as appropriate, and I don't think legally we have any responsibility to tell her or ask her before we do. What do you think? -- WANTS IT GONE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR WANTS IT GONE: It would be neither appropriate nor kind to do anything to Ron's ex-girlfriend's belongings without warning. Ron should contact her, inform her that he wants to use his garage for the purpose it is intended, and ask if she wants the items she left to be disposed of or put into storage at her expense. He should allow a reasonable time for her to respond before doing anything, and you should distance yourself from the process.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend with one annoying habit. Whenever we have a party, she'll invite friends without asking first, or by saying, "I told them it was OK to come." It creates a problem because we plan our parties for a certain number of guests, and now there are two, three, sometimes even four more -- often on short notice.

I like her friends, but they are not close friends of mine. Sometimes I just would like to have an intimate gathering with four to six people.

At my last gathering she invited not only her friends but also their children. It went from an intimate brunch for six to a party of 12. We even had to set up a second table.

How can I get her to stop, short of not inviting her to any more of our parties? I feel stuck in a situation that no matter what I do, I'm going to P.O. somebody. Any suggestions? -- PARTY PLANNER IN GEORGIA

DEAR PARTY PLANNER: Your "friend" has a lot of nerve and no manners. She appears to be using you to entertain her other friends, which is not only rude, but also extremely presumptuous. She will continue treating you this way until you call a halt by telling her to cut it out because you don't like it. If she can't respect your wishes after that, see her only on a one-on-one basis.

DEAR ABBY: I know someone who receives Social Security for her disabled children. She uses that money to feed a slot machine. Those children could have so many opportunities if their money was used appropriately and it's going down the drain. What can I do about it? It saddens me. -- THINKING ABOUT THE KIDS

DEAR THINKING ABOUT THE KIDS: It appears the woman is addicted to gambling. What she's doing may "sadden" you, but as a taxpaying American it infuriates me because her children aren't getting the assistance that money is meant to provide. So please, pick up the phone, call the Department of Children's Services and clue them in to what's happening. I'm betting they'll be interested.

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend some family members were at my mom's house for a meal. My 6-year-old son and my cousin's 4-year-old daughter were playing in the room my mom had set up for the grandkids.

When I went to check on them, I noticed the bathroom door was closed, so I knocked. My son answered, sounding rather panicked. I asked if "Jenny" was in there with him. He said no, then opened the door, but he looked scared, as if he knew he had done something wrong, and glanced nervously at the closed shower curtain.

Sure enough, there was Jenny, standing in the tub with her bathing suit around her ankles trying to get it back on. I told her to put her clothes on and took my son outside to speak with him. "Rory" admitted they were showing each other their private parts and had touched and rubbed them. I asked him why and where he learned how to do that, and he implied it was his idea!

Abby, he has never seen any adult movies, magazines, love scenes, or caught me or anyone else in the act. Why on earth would this be on his mind at such a young age? Do you think he needs counseling? -- WORRIED MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED MOM: No. Playing doctor is a game children have played ever since curiosity was born. I think you need to talk to your child's pediatrician and ask if this behavior is normal at this age.

DEAR ABBY: I have had very few female friends in my life. I have a hard time relating to other women. My fiance doesn't approve of me having close friendships with other men.

I recently met a lesbian couple whose company I enjoy. My fiance doesn't like us being friends because "they are trying to turn me gay." Abby, this is ridiculous. I have never been attracted to women, and these ladies have never brought up the possibility that I may be lesbian, as they know I am straight.

How can I make my fiance come to terms with our friendship? I'm thinking of calling off the engagement. -- STRAIGHT GIRL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRAIGHT GIRL: Has it become clear to you yet how insecure and controlling your fiance appears to be? Straight people are not "turned gay" because they have lesbian or gay friends. You can talk at him until the cows come home, but unless he is willing/able to overcome his bias, he won't believe you.

This is my long-winded way of advising you to find a more open-minded, secure man to marry because it doesn't take a crystal ball to predict that the one you're engaged to will eventually make you feel isolated, trapped and unhappy.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the gent from Texas who likes to wear blue nail polish, there exists a famous fresco dating from 1500 B.C. or earlier from the palace of Knossos. The fresco was dubbed "The Prince" by British archaeologists and depicts a long-haired male stripped to the waist wearing blue fingernail polish and blue toenail polish. The original now resides in the Heraklion Archeological Museum in Knossos on the island of Crete. Any good art history book will have a reproduction of this well-known work of art. -- RON F. IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR RON: Thanks for the heads up, and for confirming that fashion trends are cyclical. Sooner or later, what seems passe today is certain to come around again.