DEAR ABBY: I'm a good person, but when I get frustrated over something, I fly off the handle. I date, have several close friends and a good job in a field I enjoy.

Stresses in life are normal. But sometimes I blow up over things. When it happens, I can see my co-workers and friends are taken aback by my behavior. I need to improve this. I'm worried my explosive temper will affect my relationships, my job and the people I see socially. I heard you have a booklet about this issue. Where can I get one, and do you have any advice for me? -- HOT AND BOTHERED IN ATLANTA

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Yes, I do. While anger is a normal emotion, the problem with a hair-trigger temper is that people who fly off the handle often shoot themselves in the foot. That's why it's important to develop tools to recognize, control and channel anger effectively without exploding.

A first step in doing that is to analyze what may be setting you off. Does being overtired, hungry or not feeling up to par cause you to lash out? Feeling vulnerable has been known to make people feel angry and has negatively affected relationships. When a person's beliefs or values are questioned, they can become angry and, believe it or not, low self-esteem causes people to fly off the handle. People who suffer from feelings of inadequacy constantly try to prove themselves -- which drives them to win every "battle" whether it's a discussion about sports or any other subject that arises.

Most adults learn from early childhood to manage anger. But it's equally important to learn to express anger in ways that are constructive. In my booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," I offer tools for channeling anger. (First among them is to recognize you are becoming angry before losing control.) It also contains suggestions for managing and expressing anger appropriately. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. I hope it will be helpful for you. It takes maturity to identify and verbalize negative emotions rather than lash out at others. Being able to calmly say, "When you do that (or say that) it makes me angry" will earn you the respect of others. And it's the key to defusing anger before losing control.

DEAR ABBY: What are my financial obligations if I invite a gentleman to a formal out-of-state wedding? Must I pay 100 percent for airfare, hotel, meals and clothing? -- PROPER MISS IN OHIO

DEAR PROPER MISS: If the man is a gentleman, he will offer to split the cost of the airfare, hotel and meals with you. If he's not -- or can't afford it -- then the person footing the bills will be you and only you.

DEAR ABBY: In many advice columns it is often suggested to "seek professional help," such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. This is a practical solution, but most often quite expensive, to the point of being prohibitive.

Where else can one turn to find assistance that will be practical, ongoing and cost-effective rather than something that immediately throws up a roadblock to wellness? -- DETOURED BY FINANCES

DEAR DETOURED: Some of these suggestions might be helpful:

(1) Contact a university medical school if there is one in your community, and ask to speak to the Department of Psychiatry. Ask if it has an outpatient clinic. If it does, inquire there. If not, ask if someone on the staff deals with problems like the ones you're experiencing.

(2) If you live in a town with a college, find out if it has a graduate school. If so, does the graduate school have a psychology program and a clinic that charges on a sliding financial scale? If there is no clinic, ask if someone on the staff of the psychology department sees people privately and what's the person's phone number. Then contact that person.

(3) People can get referrals from mental health organizations. The largest credentialed ones are the American Psychological Association, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers. These are legitimate organizations and have professional standards.

(4) You can locate government-funded agencies with psychiatric services by going on the Internet. Some hospitals refer to community service organizations. In any emergency room, you can contact the hospital's outreach to community development programs, as well.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and a friend of mine joke about being an item. They do this in public and in front of me. They hug, hold hands or rub each other's shoulders, but I don't think anything more goes on.

These activities offend and embarrass me. My husband says the jokes are innocuous, that I'm too sensitive and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. He says they certainly wouldn't act that way in public if they were really seeing each other on the sly.

Do you think I'm being overly sensitive about this? -- DISRESPECTED

DEAR DISRESPECTED: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. That it's "innocent" is beside the point. Because you have told them that their touchy-feely demonstrations of affection for each other offend and embarrass you, out of respect for you, they should cut it out.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with "Paul" for 10 months. We met shortly after he and his fiancee broke up. Because of her, he had gone into debt, and after their breakup he lost his job.

I have helped him with money from the moment we met. He's still jobless and his unemployment benefit will end shortly, but Abby, he is careless with money. He ends up spending mine and borrows from friends who have to be paid back. Last month, he took my credit card, and within a week 1,400 euros were gone and bills were left unpaid.

Because Paul is stressed and depressed, he goes out and drinks. More than once he has spent the rent money in bars. He often gets home at 4 a.m. He's also jealous and controlling. He texts and rings me constantly and asks why I took so long to answer. If I go out for a coffee, he demands to know who with. He has a hot temper and shouts at me for the slightest thing -- like if I didn't close a door, or he thinks I didn't pay attention to something he said.

Our sex life has never been great. He blames me for that, too. He says I don't initiate it enough, and he's threatening to start going with other girls. He is also bossy. He always says I never do anything for him. Even though I work until 5:30, he expects me to bring him water, coffee, turn on the air con and stuff.

I love Paul, but I don't feel appreciated. I'm scared of what he will do when I leave. Please, Abby, I need your advice. -- TORN IN LONDON

DEAR TORN: Your Paul is an emotionally abusive, bottomless pit. He will suck you dry financially and emotionally if you let him. It's important that you get rid of him now.

If you think Paul might do something to you if you end the relationship, contact the police or a domestic abuse hotline and take their guidance. If you think he might harm himself, forget it. Paul will survive. It doesn't take a psychic to predict he will quickly find someone else to use, so don't worry about him and don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: Every year, a co-worker brings her daughters to the office to sell Girl Scout cookies. The kids are adorable, and it's hard to say "no" because Mom hovers nearby as the girls approach each cubicle. Regardless of whether one cares to donate to the cause or not, it feels like Mom is forcing us into buying by doing this. What happened to the old "leave the order sheet at the reception desk" custom? Am I overreacting? -- SOURED ON SWEETS

DEAR SOURED: Yes. All you have to do is smile and say, "No, I'm sorry, sweethearts. I can't do it this year." Actually, you may be doing the girls a favor, because an important part of selling is learning to cope with disappointment when a customer says no.