DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that the husband of a friend of mine has cancer. She shared the information with me during our last meeting. I was shocked and hardly knew how to respond. She is not a close friend, but we are fond of each other and enjoy getting together for a drink every now and then.

I want to let her know that I'm thinking of her and that I'm available if she needs anything, but I'm afraid of saying something cliched or insensitive. What is the most tactful way to do this? -- CHALLENGED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR CHALLENGED: Contact your friend. Tell her you were shocked by the news she gave you, which may have been a cry for help. Make a point of staying in touch by calling to ask how she and her husband are doing.

Tell her you know she may be overwhelmed, and volunteer to bring food if she's too busy or stressed to cook, run errands for her or even do the laundry if her hands are full with caregiving. I can almost guarantee that if you do, you and this lady will be close friends in the future regardless of the outcome of her husband's illness.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 48-year-old woman. Occasionally, I suffer from night sweats and have had a couple of hot flashes.

My husband enjoys turning on the mattress heater in our bed. He has turned my side on by mistake a few times, which caused me to roast and have an uncomfortable night. Even when he heats only his side it's too hot for me. I wake up sweating and see him lying naked, with all his covers flipped onto me!

I have suggested he cuddle with me if he's cold. But he insists on using the electric heater. I don't see any reason to waste the electricity, especially when it makes me uncomfortable. I am thinking about separate beds. Please help. -- OVERHEATED IN IDAHO

DEAR OVERHEATED: Separate beds might be a good idea. That's a practical solution for some couples. But before making the investment, have a talk with your doctor about your hot flashes (if you haven't already), because they may be caused by hormonal changes in your body, and he or she may be able to recommend a medication that can help with them.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of people who show up at graveside services for "family only"?

Recently, a friend passed away. She didn't want a funeral. The family announced there would be a service at the grave for family only, followed by a small reception for family and friends.

Well, some of the "friends" showed up at the service anyway. One of them stated, "But she was like a sister to me!" I felt it was an intrusion.

The family was gracious enough that they didn't let these people know their presence wasn't welcomed. What do you think, Abby? -- FAMILY FRIEND FROM MAINE

DEAR FAMILY FRIEND: Oh, my. Of course it was an intrusion. The person who was conducting the service should have spoken up and "reminded" the attendees that the interment was for family only so the family wouldn't be placed in an awkward position.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl and I like a boy named "Chris." We go to different schools now, and I don't know how to get in touch with him to tell him how I feel. At times for the past two years we have been flirting on and off. We will be reunited again next year. I can't hold on much longer, and he's at a school with his ex. What should I do? -- LOVER GIRL IN ALABAMA

DEAR LOVER GIRL: You have held on this long, so remember the school year is already more than half over. In the fall, you and Chris will be attending the same school again without your having to do anything.

For now, be patient. Stay active and involved with school, and time will pass more quickly. Focus on activities you enjoy and your friendships.

Do not waste your time worrying about the other girl. She and Chris are exes for a reason. If you and Chris are "meant to be," the chances of that happening will be better when you're classmates.

DEAR ABBY: A friend from high school has invited me to her wedding in September. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend the bachelorette party I was also invited to.

Even though I sent my regrets to the organizer of the party, she has tried to solicit gifts from me twice. This seems extremely tacky, and it has made me feel I was invited only for the gifts I could bring.

Abby, I don't want this to reflect poorly on my friend. Should I tell someone in the wedding party so they can fix this faux pas, or am I wrong about wedding etiquette? -- PERPLEXED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR PERPLEXED: You're not wrong. That the party organizer is trying to extort gifts from you is extremely rude. The person to inform is the mother of the bride. She should be able to put a stop to it before anyone else is embarrassed.

DEAR ABBY: What if someone wants to move away from one parent but not the other? I'm 25 and interviewing for jobs. It would be nice to become independent, but for the right reasons. I am tired of my father's selfish, ignorant attitude, but I would miss seeing my mother. As she gets older, she seems to accommodate my dad's all-for-himself attitude even more.

If I take a job that's out of state, I don't want to feel like I'm "running away." How should I approach leaving the one family member I care about? -- MOVING FORWARD IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MOVING: Continue interviewing for jobs for which you are qualified, regardless of where they are located. If more than one company wants to hire you, select the one that offers the best wages and benefits and seems to be the best fit for you.

If the company is located in your city, you may not have to leave your mother and you may be able to limit the time you must spend with your father. Should you get an enticing offer that bases you in another location, to accept it would not be running away; it would be making an intelligent career choice. Your mom might be able to visit you sans Dad periodically if the expense isn't prohibitive, and you would be establishing your independence for the right reason.

DEAR READERS: If you live in a state in which daylight saving time is observed, don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour before going to bed tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Hallelujah! It's my favorite "holiday."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both Caucasian. Recently, we adopted a beautiful mixed-race baby girl. She's Vietnamese, African-American and Hispanic. She is not even 4 months old, and already we have experienced some negative comments from strangers.

Where we live is progressive and open-minded, and I'm not so much concerned about our neighborhood or schools. But I'm no dummy. I know we're going to encounter people who have "questions" or unwarranted "opinions" (to put it nicely).

I'm not trying to educate those who choose to remain ignorant, nor reason with the unreasonable, or even explain our family and our choices. I just want a quick, witty response that tells people their not-so-nice comments are unwelcome and, to put it frankly, back off. Any suggestion? -- OPEN-MINDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: According to the 2010 census, 9 million Americans (2.9 percent of the population) are multiracial. It also showed that the number of people who reported multiple races grew by a larger percentage than those reporting a single race.

Frankly, I don't think you should say anything "witty" to a bigot. Just smile and say, "It's the wave of the future. Get used to it."

DEAR ABBY: For the past year I have been with a man I love dearly. We live together and share our lives as independent young adults.

The problem is his mother. She was cold and distant to him when he was a child, and her emotional abuse has continued into his adulthood. Holidays are a nightmare, visits a chore, and his phone calls with her often leave him in tears.

I wanted him to come with me to spend the holidays with my family, but she guilted him into spending them with her. I hate seeing him go through this, and I don't know what I can do about it. I think she is a toxic influence and he needs to cut her out of his life altogether. Advice? -- PROTECTING MY GUY

DEAR PROTECTING: What you think about his mother isn't as important as what your boyfriend does. From your description, their relationship is unhealthy. My advice is to encourage your boyfriend to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. If he does, it may give him the incentive he needs to distance himself from her.

P.S. When the next family holidays come around, by all means invite him to spend them with your family. That way he will have a chance to see how a normal family functions.

DEAR ABBY: When my in-laws come for dinner, they ask what they can bring. I always say "absolutely nothing," but they bring dessert or a bottle of wine, and then take the uneaten dessert or uncorked bottles of wine home with them. What's the rule of etiquette when someone brings items to a party? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: When guests bring something to their hostess -- a bottle of wine or dessert -- it is considered a gift. For guests to commandeer the leftovers without them having been offered is poor manners.