DEAR ABBY: I am a 91-year-old reader with a story to tell. In 1958, I married a man every woman would have loved to have. He was one of a kind. I had two boys from a previous marriage, and this wonderful man adopted them.

In 1963, before homosexuality was understood or openly accepted, I discovered that my oldest son was gay. I didn't take it well because of the way I was raised. In fact, I came unglued. My husband took me in his arms and said, "Honey, he is no different today than he was yesterday."

The rest is a long story, but this wonderful man -- a stepfather -- gave acceptance to his son and taught it to me. His words helped me to value my own son as the person he is. If his words can help some other parent, I am passing them on. -- EVER GRATEFUL MOTHER, SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: You married a wise and compassionate man, and I want to thank you for sharing an important message for other parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an alcoholic. My husband blames it for everything that goes wrong in our lives. Not invited to a coveted party? They must have heard what an ass I made of myself four years ago.

I love my husband and don't want to leave him. However, he is blind to the similarities to his overeating and smoking. I'm at my wit's end. He refuses to see, while pointing out to our friends that I'm not supposed to drink, that I could be as nasty as he is and say things like, "You're not supposed to smoke," or, "You're overweight and shouldn't eat that."

I'm sick of being humiliated and tired of feeling like I owe him something because he "overlooks" me being an alcoholic. How can I get him to see that these things are all addictions and hard to kick, and he should quit looking down his nose at me? -- HUMILIATED IN TEXAS

DEAR HUMILIATED: Your letter proves the truth of the saying that alcoholism is a "family disease." The more your husband draws attention to your alcohol problem, the less he is forced to confront his own addictions to food and tobacco, and it also serves as a distraction. It's comfortable for him, allows him to feel superior and benefits him because it makes him an object of sympathy. This is neither helpful nor healthy for either of you.

I have said many times that you cannot change another person. However, a licensed mental health professional may be able to help you understand why you tolerate your husband's behavior -- and might even be able to give you insight into why you drink the way you do.

DEAR READERS: In honor of April Fools' Day, I'll share a couple of offbeat letters I've received from readers who have attempted to pull my proverbial leg. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to brag about my boyfriend. He's a semi-professional alligator wrestler and super brave. It's a tough job and it takes him away from home a lot. It's also a very dangerous job. He often comes home with bite marks all over his neck and shoulders, and scratches on his back.

Want to know something weird about alligators? Their natural odor smells a lot like perfume. When my beau gets back from a tournament, he often reeks of it. The first time I smelled it on him, I was worried. But after he explained it to me, it made perfect sense. (Just another one of life's coincidences, I guess.)

We're so happy together. We have four beautiful children, and he promises we'll get married soon -- right after the next tournament. I know you get lots of letters about bad relationships, so I thought I'd let you hear about a good one. -- GATOR GIRL IN FLORIDA

DEAR GATOR GIRL: That's a good one, all right. You may have thought you smelled perfume, but I smell a rat. Be glad your boyfriend doesn't wrestle cougars because I hear they wear indelible lipstick.

DEAR ABBY: A teacher at our high school took some time off to get a breast augmentation. Before she left, she told the class she was having her tonsils out. When she returned to the classroom with a larger chest, one of the students cracked, "Nice tonsils!" Of course, the class roared. What do you think about this? -- GEORGE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR GEORGE: I think that unless her students pay more attention to what she's teaching and less to her chest, they may be earning double D's.

And now ... back to work:

DEAR ABBY: When does an extramarital affair actually start? Is it when the two parties involved do the mattress mambo, their first kiss, or is it sooner? -- CLUELESS WIFE IN CANADA

DEAR CLUELESS: A love affair involves more than having sex. An extramarital affair begins as soon as a man or woman starts sneaking around and lying to his or her mate.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument my ex-husband and I still have. Over the course of our marriage, we had problems. One night we had a nasty spat, after which he moved out and never returned. He claims I should have asked him to move back in. My response has always been that he chose to leave, so I shouldn't have had to beg him to come back. Your opinion, please? -- WONDERING IN CRYSTAL LAKE, ILL.

DEAR WONDERING: In my opinion, you and your ex-husband should stop arguing because after your divorce became final, the question became moot.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were chatting recently and the subject of sperm donation came up. He surprised me by saying he's vehemently against it, and then compared it to selling your body as in prostitution. He also mentioned he thinks it's disgusting because any kids we would potentially have might end up dating their half-siblings. We let the issue drop, but Abby, I have a secret.

In my early 20s, I participated in an egg donation program to support couples who were unable to get pregnant on their own. At the time, I didn't think much about it. I didn't want kids -- and I doubt if I ever will -- so I figured it was my contribution to the gene pool without having to raise little humans myself.

I never told my husband about it because it happened before we met. I do know that some of my eggs were successfully transplanted.

Should I tell my husband about my donations or keep quiet? We don't have kids, but are talking about trying in the near future. Would it be wrong for them to go out into the world not knowing about their half-siblings? -- FERTILE MYRTLE

DEAR MYRTLE: The time to have spoken up was when your husband aired his feelings on the subject of sperm donation and infertility issues. You did a wonderful thing and with good reason. Your husband should be made aware of that, with no apologies.

If you do decide to start a family, considering that there are half-siblings out there, it would be wise to advise your children to have genetic testing done with their prospective spouses. (Because there are diseases caused by recessive genes, it's a good idea anyway.)

However, unless you are sure that you want to bring a child into this world, you shouldn't become a parent.

DEAR ABBY: I am 29 and on the fence about what to do. My 32-year-old boyfriend of a year and a half, "Aiden," proposed while we were in Europe last month. Aiden is a sweet guy who would do anything for me. I waffled and said I had to think about it. He bought a lovely engagement ring that he still has in his possession. We do not live together.

Aiden says he's certain he wants to spend his life with me. My problem is, I don't want to marry him. I am a professional, and Aiden is a tradesman with no money. Even though he kisses the ground I walk on, I don't think I'd be happy in the long term with him and would always wonder if I could have done better.

On the other hand, I am almost 30 and want children. It seems that nice guys who want to commit are in short supply. Should I settle for Aiden? Breaking up with him, as I did a few months ago for a couple of weeks, would crush him. But he has little social life and no hobbies -- just me. -- CONTEMPLATING IN ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR CONTEMPLATING: Nice guys who want to commit may be in short supply, but please do this nice guy a favor and end the relationship before you hurt him any more than you already have. Tradesmen can be good providers, husbands and fathers, and Aiden has much to offer a woman who can appreciate him fully. Clearly, that's not you, so let him go.